It's been a while since I've posted anything...sorry for the absence...I guess I've been thinking many things over in my mind...I must admit I've missed Cassie and her family more the pasted few months...It's been harder now that the first year...sounds dumb doesn't it...but that is how it is...not really sure why...maybe b/c Ayden has started so many new things that I never dreamed I'd miss...like his first day of preschool and his first t-ball game...but that is our life now...Cassie blogged about how different her life looked than she had planned many months ago...and today I'd have to agree...mine looks different than I wanted it to also..with more changes coming I fear...but I know it is God's plan and will and I must and I will conform to HIS will and not mine...that is what makes is bearable...even good...I've learned hard is not always bad...it is hard but that is where I see HIM the most...I trust HIM the most...and I wouldn't trade my hards...b/c HE uses them to change me...change us into the people HE desires us to be...
Since summer we've started a new study with our teens and God is using it in their lives so much! It is such an honor to be HIS servant...The title of the study is "The Bottom Line" and it is so good...it is also...hard...but we have got to start thinking past the end of our noses and see HIS will and again...not our own selfish desires!
We all have had life lessons we've had to go thru...God has been my guide but if I had to label them hardest and counting down...I'd have to say...fighting the sin of my anger...the ordeal our church body went thru...and my oldest moving so far away has been the 3 most difficult things God has taken me thru...and HE did take me thru it...I have experienced joy, peace and when needed forgiveness on the other side...
I now face a new battle...and one I am not willing to share by name yet...but I am scared of failure...scared of the size of battle it is...and the time and effort on my part it will take to beat this demon in my life...God has very clearly spoken to me about this for a very long time...and I believe I'm ready to surrender to HIM...however, HE and I have alot of work...I'm scared b/c before I had Kim to walk thru each day with me...and this time I don't...God very clearly told me Sunday morning...I was to turn to HIM and NO ONE ELSE...that is why I don't feel I can share...and when...not if...but when I'm on the other side of this battle...I'll share...and HE WILL RECEIVE THE HONOR...not that HE hasn't in my past b/c HE has...I believe HE has placed people...godly people in my path to be used by HIM for HIS glory...Kim was and is one of those people...but this time...I've walked with HIM longer...He says to me I AM enough...I again, I'm scared...of failing HIM again...but determined to surrender to HIM...I will not worry about what I will be like one month from today or even if I'll make it to Friday with HIM in this battle...I will take today and face it with my FATHER...then I'll take tomorrow...I CAN do this thru Christ who gives me strength! I'm scared but I'm excited to share with you what HE has done in my life at the end of this battlefield before me...when I share some people will not understand and think it is stupid...but God reveals sin in our individual lives...and this is a sin...He has revealed to me over and over and over again...I will obey HIM or I will stay here and go no further with HIM...and the conviction and the desire to grow deeper in HIM simply will not let me stay here anymore!
I don't know what you are stuggling with...but we all struggle...don't minimize your struggle...or compare it to someone elses....it is yours...you don't need to do anything but believe and trust God to work out all things in your life for HIS GLORY...If you are like me, you may feel you can't do it...you can't beat this demon or fight it...you are right we can't...but HE CAN...HE changed the anger inside me...I didn't...but my part was to be in prayer...CONSISTENTLY...be in the WORD and find verses that applied to my life...to claim...to choose to listen to the conviction and let HIM change me from the inside out...when the battle is done...we will know it was HIM...I want so desperately for HIM to just take it without me doing any work....but I won't learn to trust, lean and rely on HIM if HE does that...and so...HE and I...we begin...
