Beks....

Now mind you that is NOT what I call her...that is Michael's sweet words for her...and we love her so much...Bekah came into our lives just a few short months ago but it feels like she has been part of our family for ever and always...I think that is because God had it pre-destined for her to be one of us! I usually write for my kids on their birthdays and b/c I've been so quiet lately I missed Bekah's birthday...So Bekah...forgive me being a slacker...

While you already fit us...we are still getting to know each other and it is exciting to learn new things about you...

you are an amazing young woman...the one...we've prayed for, for 26 years now...the one that will complete Michael as he walks thru life as a man pursing the Lord...I see that you encourage that in him and for that I'm so thankful...I can't wait until I look into his eyes as you walk down the isle to his arms and become his wife...just so you know...even though he was giving you a hard time in the kitchen last night...I saw a glimpse of that look in his eyes last night as he looked at you...I pray you see it every time you look into his eyes...during the times of you guys being ooey...gooey together, the times you are tired together and even the times you are frustrated with each other...

some things I've come to love about Miss Bekah Crawford...
-her love for my son...
-the confidence she gives Michael
-her ability to love her future nieces and nephews
-her ability to just come in and be one of us
-the fact that she will just come in and flop on my bed like my girls do
-the way you squeal with excitement
-the way you match Michael (being a tight wade I mean!)
-the way you care about the education you are giving to your students
-your joy
-your love for bible study
-the way you look at my son...

Happy belated blog written birthday sweet girl...let the wedding count down begin!...
love ya,
the REAL one (inside joke)...

...out with the old...and in with the new...

It has been sometime since I've blogged...the words have simply not been there...I have been quiet with most people in my life lately...my husband, my kids, my Lord...my friends...I have...for lack of better words...just tried to disappear...feeling lost...scared...frustrated...and other emotions that are there too!

When I started weight watchers the first of the year...I said I'd be open and honest...even vulnerable...and I think I have been some of the time...and others...I just don't talk about it!...I did great the first 5 months of the program and I have struggled the rest of the year...it has been hard...old habits have never really been broken...it's hard...I like for people to tell me how great I look but I hate to be the "different" one having to eat the "different" food...so needless to say for 7 months...it has been the same 5 pounds up and down....the one thing I HATE to hear when I go to my meetings is...if you gained weight...if you are honest with yourself you probably know why...and truth is...YES WE KNOW WHY...OK!!!!

Well the same is true in my walk with the Lord...when I feel distant from Him...if I'm honest with myself...I've walked with Him long enough now...that I know why the distance is there...and THAT my friends is where I've been the last few months...there is a HUGE gap between myself and my Lord...and I am miserable when I am there...and yet...I allow it...I wrote a letter to my pastor and his wife a.ka. my friends...and asked for prayer...she promptly wrote me back saying she was praying and added a few self check points to the email...and all 3 points she added I needed to remember b/c they all three are my problem...1. no daily time with my Lord, 2. sin (keeping that one to myself thank you!)...but still there and 3. she asked me if my priorities where in check...and of coarse NO THEY are not!...and while I needed that reminder...to bring the truth I already knew to the front of my mind...it still felt like I was in a fog...until yesterday...I really wanted to just stay home yesterday...I was emotional and I knew if someone was nice to me I'd fall apart...and UNFORTUNATELY we go to a very NICE church...so there were lots of tears on my part...then we began worship...and I felt the Lord's presence so clearly...we began to sing the song "Offering" and we sang..."there is no shadow...in Your presence" and like a ton of bricks...the wall I'd built around myself was crushed...that was it...I had been in the shadow for months now and in the shadow...I can't feel His presence! In the shadow is darkness and when Satan can keep us there he robs us of the Lord's presence...a place I allowed myself to be...so now...I begin the journey back...yet again...to the safe arms and presence of my sweet savior...I'm so thankful that He purses me...I'll never understand it...why He does it but I'm forever and eterally thankful for it...again, I say...it is real...this relationship thing with the Lord...He reminded me of it yesterday as He pulled me back...and today as I read in Joshus...Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you...So I need to be gettin' myself ready...thank you Lord...
Offering...amazing song...