I'm a process...

I'm not really sure how to even start today...God has been moving in my life...slowly I'm learning a few things HE is pouring into me...this process we call life...is so scary at times and yet so amazing!!!

God is opening my eyes to new and fresh things on a daily basis...that is daily...when I am willing to take time to listen to Him...He has brought His Word alive and fresh to me...showing small things that I've read many, many times and yet over looked...just pain never saw before...love it!!! It truly is alive!!!

There are so many things in my life that distract me from the Lord...He is beginning to show me all the things and or people that I have allowed to take His place in my life that is reserved only for Him...If only I, we will learn that if we love the Lord the way He calls us to...we are able to love the others in our life so much better...so much more complete!!!

Here are just a few of the lessons He has taught me in the past 3 weeks...

The movie "Facing the Giants"...the death crawl scene...when coach Taylor is down on his knees with Brock...screaming in his ear....I know it's hard...don't you give up...your VERY best...give me your VERY best...God has shown me before that He is like that with me...every step that I think is too hard...He is with me...every single one...telling me to not give up...don't your quit...your VERY best...but this time I realized a new concept...He is telling me...I KNOW IT'S HARD...I KNOW IT HURTS...GIVE ME YOUR VERY BEST...HOWEVER, He is NOT saying...I knew you'd quit...I knew you'd fail...I KNEW YOU COULDN'T DO IT...MY FATHER DOES NOT DEGRADE!!!! He encourages me and takes every step to victory with me...so on those days that are extra hard...how can I possibly think I will fail..."IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO (OR WHAT) CAN BE AGAINST US" Romans 8:31

I have also started to go thru the "Made to Crave" study again by Lysa Terkeurst...at this point...this is what I've learned to stare strait at and confess...this sin..."I had to get honest enough to admit it: I relied on food more than I relied on God. I craved food more than I craved God. Food was my comfort. Food was my reward. Food was my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness and even in times of happiness"...wow...still letting all this soak in...LORD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO BREAK FREE!!! "IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO (OR WHAT) CAN BE AGAINST US" Romans 8:31

A song that God is using in my life right now during this time is this one:
Keep Making me by Sidewalk Prophets...

Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI1obeb3A9c

Another lesson...(I know...He has ALOT to say...when I will listen!!!!)

Much like Jonah...I've been saying...Lord I'll doing anything...except this ONE thing...it is just to hard...I can't do it...(He is in my hear...I KNOW it's hard...KEEP going...your VERY best!!!)
I have realized that my sin is over taking me like seaweed around my head!!!! Jonah 2:5...I also realized that I...me...Lori...am choosing to give up...in Jonah 2:8 it says...those who cling to worthless idols forfeit God's love for them...if you go on to read verse 9 it says...BUT I with SHOUTS of GRATEFUL praise will SACRIFICE to you!!! Luke 9:23...to be HIS follower I MUST...deny myself...take up my cross  DAILY and follow HIM...so the choice once again comes down to me...surrender my will to HIS or not...even on those days that it is so very stinkin hard!!!!...let me close with this scripture 2 Corinthians 12:9..."My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness"...

Lord keep teaching me...
Another song that speaks to my heart...Cannons by Phil Wickham...I'm so unworthy but still you love me...forever my heart will sing of our great you are...learning to love You first...

Where does the time go...

Today she turns another year older...she has gotten to the point in her life now where she might not appreciate it if I share that number so...I won't...But Cassie celebrates today another year of life!

We are all thankful for her and what she means to each one of use individually...as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, daughter in law, sister in law and friend.

God has done amazing things in her life and I got to witness the start of some of those beginnings...obviously I was there when she took that first breath...first step...first day of school...first crush...which honestly I think was Jesse...(I think!)...but the memory that stands out the most in this momma's mind today...is the day she called me in a panic...she knew overwhelmingly that something wasn't right in her life...and she was ready for it to be!...in a small country store...she asked Jesus Christ to come into her life...and from that point on...God has began a new work in her...

Today she was 4 little ones of her own...I'm sure...telling happy birthday! I would even venture to say she will have a picture or two to go on her fridge or to display in her classroom...today she has a husband that loves her unconditionally, who works hard for her in the elements to provide for her...today she has siblings that love, respect and look up to their big sister...and today she has a mom that wants to wish her the best day ever!!!!

I love you Cas!

no resolutions this year...just an intense desire to learn...

Well 2015 is here! I think I am going into 2015 more excited than I have the last few years. We've had a few hard things to learn to live with the last 2 years...and God's grace has truly been just what He promised us...SUFFICIENT!

He has began to speak to me about some thing that has hit my heart very hard...I have pondered Revelation 2:4 for some time now..."but this I have against you...that you have left your first love"...Wow...over and over in my mind this is rolled around the last year of my life probably...until 2 weeks ago...then I heard a word from the Lord I wasn't prepared to hear...you see I've asked Him over and over to help me to return to Him...my first love...then 2 weeks ago...once again I was thinking what needs to change...what do I need to walk away from? What do I need to put down...or maybe I need to pick something up in obedience...Lord please show me...I'm ready...

The answer from Him was tough...hard to swallow...this is my first to even share it...except with a sweet friend this morning...He...the Lord...my Savior...very clearly told me...Lori...how can you return to something you've never had?...now mind you...I'm not saying I am not saved...I am saved through the blood of Jesus Christ...I will spend eternity in Heaven...that is not what I'm talking about...but He very clearly revealed to me that I haven't ever loved HIM first...most...sold out...Deuteronomy 6:5..."you shall love the Lord your God with all heart and with all your soul and with all your might"...in my words...with every single fiber of my being...and more than anything...or anyone and that...is where it gets to the heart of my issue...

I love God...I love my Savior, Jesus Christ...I have personally experienced miracles from Him...I know His power...I know His love...but...He has blessed me with an incredible man to walk this life with...a man who, I believe even sets this example for me...but I think the.truth is...I know he (Scott) is my first love...and God blessed me with 4 amazing kids...and 6 grand-babies...and they may be in the 2nd place...

I remember when I first realized...I mean...really, really got it that Scott loved the Lord MORE than he loves me...and I was...I hate to even confess...jealous...and now...I'm so thankful that he does...that he is able to love Jesus more...because of that we are still standing...and I'm thankful for the example he lives out before me and our family...I can honestly say that the jealousy has been gone for many years now...because he loves Jesus first he can and does love me better...

And so a new journey begins in my life...I've asked the Lord to help me to fall in love with Him in a new and fresh way...to look above, over and past my husband, kids and grand kids to see Him first...to love Him first...to desire Him and his will first in my life...even when that is hard...or difficult or scary...

Already just today...I believe He is showing me that I must be in love with His word...that is the main way I will clearly hear from Him...it is the way I will  know Him better...

I hope to keep you informed about this...I know I am not the only one who struggles with this...we know we are secure in our salvation...but we don't put Him in His place that not only He should have...but the place He says He must be..."If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross DAILY and follow me...Luke 9:23"

As a wife and a momma...and now a Grammy...sometimes, because of the tugs and pulls on us it is hard to put God first...but ladies...the best example we can set for our husbands and kids is to show them that in ones life...God must come first...that may mean...we let them wait while we study God's word...or we attend a bible study...to we go for a walk...or run with praise music in our ears...and they are not ignored but they are not first...remember what I told you about Scott...he is able to love me better because he loves HIM best...They may not understand it...and they may not even like it...but...because are learning to love the Lord best...we WILL be better wives, mommas, grammys, employees, friends...church members...we just will be...and so the journey begins...please pray for me...