Miles apart...

I cannot get Scott off my mind today (more so than usual!!!)...it is Sunday morning on his side of the world...and he is worshiping our Lord...with our people...oh how I wish I was with him...I know his heart is over joyed today! I know he is bouncing...I know he is oozing Jesus...I know his passion is increasing...I know he is experiencing a bit of heaven today!!!!

This is why he went...they are the reason he prays fervently and faithfully...most, if not all of what he experiences will not be able to be on social media the for safety of our people and those who love them daily...but anytime you want to talk...just ask...we can talk!!!

Tomorrow morning as I go to church...and worship with our people here...that we love so much...I know Scott's heart will be thinking of us...and if all works as planned...we will get to see his sweet face for a few minutes through modern day technology...and we will worship the Lord...for a minute as one body...not this church or that church...but ONE body in Christ...

It's all about You...Jesus
and ALL this is for You
for Your glory and Your fame...

I love this song...I pray I will live my life...fleshing this truth out...it is NOT about us...it is about HIM...HIS name and renown...

Isaiah 26:8...Yes Lord, walking in the ways of Your laws, we wait for You...Your name and renown ARE the desire of our hearts...YES LORD...YES LORD...

overwhelmed...

what the future holds...

Well another birthday for one of my girls....they are starting to get old enough now they don't really want me to share their ages...so...since I want them to respect my...let's not mention the age agenda...I will respect theirs as well!!!!

What does our future hold...is kind of what I was thinking the day I found out Heather was on her way...Cassie was 6 months old the day I found out we were expecting Heather...mind blowing now but...it was exciting times...I think I felt better with that pregnancy than any of the others...she came into the world fast and furious...she was home before she was even 18 hours old!

This year holds new opportunities for her...she and Donnie will be going to Peru on a mission trip this summer...and they are taking the twins...I'm beyond excited for those kids to be introduced to this kind of work at such a young age...

I pray this year is a year of wonder and amazement for her and her family! I am thankful she is mine...

I love you Heather Michelle...happy birthday!!!

what a week it has been!!!!

Well...it has been an overwhelming week! God has and continues to teach me so much through it grace, mercy and His word! I almost back out of the ladies conference because my emotions were still so raw and fresh...but I went and I am so glad I did...had a GREAT time with my sweet sisters in Christ...experienced some amazing worship, and heard the Word proclaimed...God continued to speak...like He ALWAYS does if we will just be willing to listen!...

He continues to remind me and teach me that He has to be first in my life...even above Scott and the kids...so I have my things I'm thankful for...but this list is about my husband who is in India for the next 2 weeks...however, the list starts with my #1...

1. Jesus
2. Scott loves Jesus with an all consuming passion
3. Scott loves me no doubts...don't understand it...
4. He is the best dad (in my opinion) in the world!
5. He is an amazing poppy to the six sweet little ones we call our own...
6. He has and does work so very hard (truth be told, too hard) to provide for us
7. I'm thankful we are able to serve teens side by side...and when that time ends...I know that we will STILL have a heart and a connection with them.
8. Thankful Scott is a man who was able to love his dad and have an amazing relationship with him...I know that relationship helped form the man I love today...
9. He is so stinkin funny!
10. he loves laughter
11. he has a joy...and it is contagious
12. I love his hairy chest...one of the first things I was attracted too...the back is another story!
13. I love to watch him get wound up as he is teaching
14. I love how he sang to Harold during those last few hours
15. I love how he shared on Willie's first Sunday in heaven about how everyone said what a good man Willie was...and he WAS...but Scott went on to share that his dad was in heaven NOT because he was a good man but because he had a relationship with Jesus Christ...even in his pain...sharing truth..
16. how he holds me in his arms...this side of heaven...that is the place I feel the safest...
17. the way he love his brothers and sisters...pray our kids will have that too...always and forever
18. the way he is on the edge of his seat as Steve and Patti share what God is doing on their side of the world
19. I absolutely love to see him worship...
20. His example he lives out in every area...no one else on earth knows him like me...and whether you like him or not...he is the real deal...you get what you see...
21. even though they are long sometimes...I love to hear him pray...so much passion
22. I love our evening swims
23. I love his silly texts (goofy!)
24. I love to dance with him in our living room
25. I love the way he makes our church...louder....

I am blessed...I have a Savior...who has saved me...and blessed me with my best friend...pray for him over the next 2 weeks please...

Journey along with me...as I journal...

So day 2...and God's Word comes more and more alive...!!!! I read several scriptures about the love the Lord has for us...His children...here are a few...only giving you the references...look them up, read and soak up God's love letter to you...:

Romans 5:8
Romans 8:35-39
Ephesians 3:17-19
Psalms 147:3
Romans 8:31
Psalms 103:8
Psalms 62:8
but the one God used the most this morning was Isaiah chapter 43...the whole thing!!! When I go through stuff...He is there...He has called me by name!

So thankful for the time spent with Him...

Philippians 4:6-7 again...Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God and the peace of God which transcends ALL understand WILL guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus...

25 things I'm thankful for:

1. Jesus (gonna say that one every day)
2. the Word
3. Hope
4. my mom and tucker
5. Kevin, Corinne and Kevin's kiddos
6. my dad
7. Steve, Karen and their families
8. living on the family farm
9. Kharwar people and learning more about them
10. Having known Willie Griffith and the honor of calling him my father in law for 31 years
11. Amy-so grateful that after all these years we still communicate- hope to see her twice in the coming year!
12. Harold in our lives and being with him to the very end...a holy moment in my life for sure!
13. Betty Jo...always and forever
14. Mike and Carol, Donna, Johnny and Jill, Phyllis and Lyndon blessings that came with our extras
15. Linda-my mother in law
16. the way God blesses us with extras in our lives such as Walt and Miss Pat
17. laughter
18. Joy
19. Peace-you know the kind that transcends ALL understanding
20. even with it being a bit scary theses days...I'm thankful I live in America
21. My ability to cook
22. the spiritual gifts the Lord has trusted me with
23. healing
24. our Local Mission Trip
25. the heartbeat I've had the honor of witness through Global Encounter Ministries.

until the words come again...

Out of darkness out of shame

Not real sure how to start today...words are rolling around my head like crazy today...I experienced something last night between me and the Lord that I'm not sure I've ever really experienced before...and for a while I lost my way...and I forgot how to let God do the work needed in my life at that point...I've been trying for months and months to overcome in my flesh...crying out to the Lord for Him to help me...to do it...I told Scott last night...I know I CANNOT do this...God has to do it...but how...how do I let Him do it...how do we let go enough to allow Him to heal us...change us and make us into who He desires us to be...I had some amazing people just pouring scripture into me last night...the Lord gave me some additional ones...I knew it was all truth...but that stupid 12 inches from my head to my heart was a very LONG way last night...I wept over the truths I was seeing in His word...and while I felt lost in a very dark place...I could cling to hope...to that little bitty light that never every left me...that tiny flicker...penetrated the darkness...

Before I write more today I want to tell you why I'm writing...there was a Christian group several years ago by the name of Watermark. They got their name from the watermarks they had seen on houses after flood waters had gone down. There are times and experiences, heartaches and tragedies  that make a mark on our lives and it is important to be able to go back and see those times...to be reminded...not of our failures...or even our own successes...but to see where God was and is...and the grace, mercy and victories He gives us...not because we deserve them...but simply because He loves us...He loves you...and He loves me...I love being reminded of those times...like this one...http://grammyshomepage.blogspot.com/2009/11/isnt-god-amazing.html

So today is a new day...there is snow on the ground...when I opened my eyes it was bright in our room...the light was evident...in my flesh I could just say...OK last night is over and that is that...but the TRUTH is, a battled started last night...I cannot get up today and pretend it is over...mind you, a victory WAS had last night but there is more fighting to do...as I opened the word this morning...the very first answer, to so many questions running through my mind, was revealed to me...it was the statement I told Scott last night...how do I let go and let the Lord do this in me...through HIS WORD!!!! That is how...it is alive...it is LIFE TRANSFORMING...it speaks to mankind...and it speaks to my individual heart...oh the things He said to me just this morning...

Just a few truths He said to me this morning...I hope you find hope in them as well...

John 10:27 My sheep listen to My voice...I heard Him last night...He was calmly reminding me of truths over the screams of the enemy of my soul...and the choice now...hear it...claim it...trust it...cling to it...rest in it...

One of my most favorite places in the Bible is Exodus 14:13...I love this promise...(read it...it is sooo good!!!)...but that promise is in the Word again...2 Chronicles 20:17...thank you Jesus!!!! These verses go with another favorite of mine that God has used many times in my life...Psalm 46:10...Lord continue to teach me to be still...and to KNOW...

Deut. 32:10...as a child of the one true King we are called the apple of His eye...and again in Zechariah 2:8-my Bible notes says this..."this is speaking of the pupil...a delicate part of the eye essential for vision...therefore must be protected AT ALL COST",,,I'd say Christ laying His life down...was AT ALL COST...

I was encouraged to write Philippians 4:6-7 down today (and the next many coming days) then make a list of 25 things I have to be thankful for...so here is the scripture and list number 1:

Do NOT be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding WILL guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus...

1. I am a child of the One True KING
2. Scott loves me
3. 4 kids that survived me and came out somehow still loving Jesus...to the point they desire to serve Him
4. 6 beautiful grandchildren I adore
5. friends-true friends that love me and I love them
6. a Bible I can read and through the power of the Holy Spirit I can understand
7. those teens I love to teach
8. ladies Bible study-whether I'm teaching or not
9. being a part of EBC all of it...then entire 24...almost 25 years...
10. Scott's support
11. God's provisions
12. my job
13. ministry opportunities
14. my children in laws...Jesse, Donnie, Thomas and Miss Beks
15. a home God paid for and provided
16. Sofia and Sasha
17. Country life and living
18. my health
19. weight watchers
20. Jenna Buettemeyer
21. online daily Bible reading I'm doing this year
22. Conviction
23. JD and Heather
24. Jim and Kim
25. Jesus

I will be doing this for the next however many days...

I know this is a lot...but that is because God has a HUGE mess and a HUGE job with me...I will see this in a year and be blown away by the healing and love He is pouring down on me...but I hope and I pray that just maybe someone else who reads this will see the hope that I was reminded of last night...