our loss...his gain!

I am writing to you as I sit beside the empty vessle of one of the greatest, kindest, and most amazing men I have ever had the honor of knowing...of loving...we...his family...have sat beside his bed for 3 days now...as he ran the last little bit of his race here on this earth...we have read scripture over him...prayed for him and sang to him...Scott even sang "power in the blood" Scott style for him last night...I didn't realize until it was almost to late that he truly was hearing us as we talked with him and whispered in his hear how precious he was to us! But last night I realized you could see his eyelids moving in response to use...when Scott came in last night he responded! Scott later left the room for a while and we were singing with him and we said Scott needed to sing power in the blood HIS way and thoses eyes responded...so we along with a few tears shed...we even had a giggle with him! Then in the wee hours of this morning...we sang a few last songs with him It is Well With my Soul...I have decided to Follow Jesus...and the last one..."Jesus Is Tenderly Calling"...and at the end of the song...our sweet Harold took his last breath...when Willie passed away a few months ago...we experinced what I would call a HOLY MOMENT...and this morning...I had the honor of being part of another one...to God be the Glory...in Harolds life and through his death...

as we wait...

We are all at the hospital waiting for Jesus to take another sweet one home...and we reminise...lots of memories...I can still see Harolds little red pickup setting outside Pleasant Grove Baptist Church...as he did what he loved to do...yard work...I remember thinking then as I just began to know this amazing man we called papa...how kind he is...he has loved Scott, my kids and myself as if we were his very own...I guess truth be told we are his...Michael would stand between JoNell and Harold in church and sing as loud as he could...(if he wasn't with them he was with maw maw!)...and when Katie came...she was his girl! I can only say how lucky thomas is that time changes things because there was a time when Katie was sure that after she grew up and married, she would still sleep between her mammy and papa and her husband could sleep beside their bed in the floor! That memory makes me smile so much! There was the time he let all the GA girls come crash in his and JoNells closet and have a slumber party...you know there aren't that many retired men who would have been OK with 12 little giggly girls and their leaders coming and crashing their house like that...but he did...with a smile the entire time! Lots of memories of birthday parties and easter egg coloring...proms and high school graduations...college graduations and weddings...babies...and Harold...like all the other grandparents was there...one of our constants...there were times I knew he was crying for our family and praying over us...as healing began to take place...times that he has looked at Scott with such admiration and pride...much like a dad would...times he has called me his girl... You know I've been blessed with 3 blessings in my life...and all three blessings have taught me so much about life...and those blessings...are my dads...my first dad...who has taught me about forgiveness and learning to appreciate another person you always thought would be there...and about not taking people always being there when you are ready for granted....then there was Tucker...the next blessing...who continues to teach me about loving like your own...I've giggled today about him finding a fence post under my car and keeping it secret so mom wouldn't KILL me! Or when he told me he couldn't give me away at my wedding b/c he understand the pain a father feels when someone else does it...that day is when I learned the character of the man my step dad was...greatness in my opinion...and then came Harold...out of the blue...a blessing I didn't expect but wouldn't trade for the world! Such a kind and gentle spirit he is! Today as I was driving to the hospital I was thinking he would soon meet the twins he and JoNell lost so many years ago...he gets to see them before her so I guess he can name them!!!! And I know he will give maw maw and willie a hug from Scott and I...and I know he will be in awe as he stands...for the rest of all eternity in the presence of Jesus... The pain we've felt this year continues to be immense...but I wouldn't trade any of those that have been in our lives and are gone now for anything...because we are better people because of each one of them...Brian, Jeremy, Poppa and Kathy...and now...as we wait for Harold to leave us too...I can say...I am a better person because I have had Harold Lawyer in my life for 25 plus years...as I sit by his bedside I think of this... Onward to the prize before us Soon His beauty we'll behold Soon the pearly gates will open We shall tread the streets of gold! When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be when we all see Jesus We'll sing and shout the victory and JoNell reminded me of this song tonight: ...and then one day I'll cross that river I'll fight lifes final war with pain and then as death gives way to vi'tory I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives Because He lives I can face tomorrow Because He lives all fear is gone Because I know He holds the future And life is worth the living just because He lives... what a glorious thought for a sweet and gentle man...who I have no doubt will immediately hear these words...well done my good and faithful servant...

Humbled

 O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
 
 And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.
 
 When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
 

We sang this song this week on our Mission trip...I cannot sing this sing...EVER...without going back in my mind...being a 10 year old little girl...laying on our picnic table in the back yard...singing that song or reading the words and thinking...there must be more than my child like mind could see...could understand! I know now after all these years, God was revealing Himself to a little girl who was very curious about this Creator I'd heard about at church camp!

This week has been amazing and life changing yet again. We had the honor to stand beside some truly passionate people who desire to see their neighborhoods redeemed through the sacrificial blood of Jesus Christ!

We served each day to some amazing kids, with amazing believers...we bonded together so well in order to accomplish the work the Lord had called us to Kansas City to do! We worked in a church that has many people in it who moved to the "hood"...for no other reason but to share the Gospel with the "nations". The nations have moved there to start a new life...a life that at this point is empty without the Lord...

I always thought people only did this as they moved out of our country to sacrifice...but it's not true...Living Faith Church has the heartbeat of their Savior and a passion for the lost...they have the ability to walk with a kingdom purpose in everything they do! I have come to understand that we have the same needs in our own back door...in McDonald County...the Nations are coming and we have a great opportunity...will we take it...we have hungry children who need their belly's full and the Truth share...will be feed them both ways...we have families that need the love of Jesus to give them HOPE...will we GO?

Each evening we had a time of worship and teaching. The teaching was good stuff...causing me to come out bruised each night...one evening in particular Brad Russell preached on the glory of God...He read Isaiah 42:8..."I am the Lord, that is My name; And My glory I will not give to another, Nor My praise to carved images"

I've known for a very long time that life is NOT about us...not you...and not me...it is about the Lord...but I got a picture in my head this week of what it might look like in the very throne room of God...filled with HIS glory!...God has taught me many things this week...but the biggest...how truly selfish and self seeking I am...I think at times knowingly I am...and other times I don't realize it until I've already done whatever I was doing...it was unintentional...but caused pain or a problem or just attempted to steal some of God's glory...and whether it was intentional or not...it was sin...

Matt 5:16...which was the theme verse we had a few weeks ago for our local mission trip was shared again this week..."Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven"...simply put...live for HIM so HE will be glorified...

As we sang How Great Thou Art...I got the picture of HIS GLORY...through the song...I understand there is more than I knew as a child and there is more to know...but not for ME to feel good about me or my life...for HIM...so HE will be Glorified...so HE will be exalted among the nations!

Our last devotion for the trip is this morning...our first day back and I want to share one last scripture that is in our devotions...from Psalm 85:8-9...
"I listen carefully to what God the Lord is saying, for HE speaks to His faithful people. BUT LET THEM NOT RETURN TO THEIR FOOLISH WAYS. Surely His salvation is near to those who fear HIM, SO OUR LAND WILL BE FILLED WITH HIS GLORY!

I heard a word over and over this week...intentional...may I live the rest of my days...intentional for HIS GLORY!
 

year 51

You are mine best friend! This has so far been one of the saddest years of our lives together...I find myself almost dreaded the rest of the year...but you are spurred on by the grace of the Lord.

As we opened your time capsule last night I amazed at how far we have come! How much we love one another...you know it really isn't you or me either...we finally have a picture of a Christ centered marriage and that makes love so much easier...(remind me of that when I get aggravated at you next time!).

I don't even have words to say this year...I'm so thankful we still have each other...I want to be like your mom and dad...curled up beside one another to the very end...to be like Kathy and get to a place in our lives where we can say we have no regrets...to be like Steve and Patti and go to what ever lengths it takes to tell others about Jesus...to be like you and have the passion to share Jesus in a house full of partiers knowing when I walk out they may make fun of me...to be like serve with reckless abandonment...to know if I go first none of this will change for you...and if you go first none of this will change for me!

thank you for raising our kids in a manner worthy of the gospel....thank you for being such an impact on my family....thank you for loving me on the hardest days...thank you for cheering me on! thank your serving beside me...thank you mostly for loving Jesus more than anything or anyone else...

we are blessed to call you ours...wouldn't you agree...Cassie, Heather, Michael and Katie?

I love you,
Beth

Michael

This year has been a whirlwind of change and newness and the beginning of living the rest of your life! I have the honor of stepping back as the woman in his life and the one the Lord has for him to share life with has stepped in! (I always thought that would be hard, but when the right one comes it is the natural thing and easiest thing to do!) She is an amazing young lady who loves Jesus more than she loves Michael and that will be the key to their success in life together.

You walk different, you look different, you act different...everything about you is different this year. I've never got to witness this side of love with one of my kids...it is different with the girls because they fulfill the wife side of the equation...one that is also my role so I see the submission side...the caregiver side...but now I've seen the side the man goes through...of preparing to lead a home, a wife and in the future a family. It is evident God is doing a great thing in your life and in your new beginning with Beks!

I say it every year but I'm so proud and honored to be your momma! I love you because you are mine...but I love you because you:
 
Are tenderhearted to a fault
You laugh so hard with your nephews and nieces
I see more and more of your dad in you all the time
You aggravate your sisters still like crazy but I know your would be their greatest defender still!
You are getting ready for babies of your own and it is evident!
You act "tough" at church with the kids but they all LOVE you so you must do something right!
You love your momma and I know it!
You love Beks and we all see it (yes in your eyes)...every time she walks in the room!

Praying a extra special birthday blessing over you today! I love you Michael Scott!

mom

 

and woman and her God...

We are still having those "days" as we adjust to Willie being in heaven and not here with us. Today we said yet another goodbye to a sweet soul. Again, I watched in amazement as our community poured out love on a family mourning the loss of their wife, momma, nana, daughter, sister and best friend...

She was obviously loved by so many and her family is too! She shared something with Willie...and I heard it today again...she was a GOOD person...kind and generous, compassionate and motherly...GOOD to the very core of her being...but that is NOT what has given her family the comfort they have...she knew Jesus...in a very real and very personal way...and that my sweet friends is the hope she had and that her family will cling to in the coming days!

I would share her name but it doesn't matter...most of you reading this know who I'm speaking of and if not the Lord knows her by name...I watched in amazement as her brother shared the gospel today and I'm praying that lives who are lost were changed today...not because of her...but because of her LORD!

One of the most courageous (thank you Josh for that word!) things I've ever witnessed was her son singing today flawlessly...I've been amazed at that all day long...and while I was working this afternoon it hit me how he did it...Scott asked him today at the cemetery how he did it and he said I just tried not to think to much...but I think he was able to do it b/c he was worshiping the Lord! Have you ever experienced that...watching in awe as someone is obviously worshiping in spirit and in truth? That is what we witnessed today...a holy moment...from a son...honoring his momma...and FOR HIS LORD...

Someday when my times comes...I want people to walk away from my celebration service knowing they meet with the Lord...

May those of us left...carry on the work...

Happy Father's Day

Before I start this post...they will not all be in order...that being said...to the men in my life...

The first man in my life is my Dad...he worked hard to make a living for us...we have had our share of pain and heart ache but we have come so far! I think we have finally reached a place where we know we need each other and we are learning to know one another better! Dad, thanks for all you've done for me over the years...just so you know...I wouldn't change a thing! I love you Dad!

For Tucker...the next man in my life who has loved me like his own...kept me out of trouble with mom in the early years and loved my kids! You've allowed us all the honor of watching you transform into the man of God you are now...Thank you for loving us when I know we weren't always easy to love! I love you Pawpaw!

For Harold who has also loved me like his own...you too have set an example of a loving Godly man...life wouldn't be the same without you in it...I'm thankful for you more than I say and I want you to know how much you mean to me...I love you Harold!

For Michael...while he is yet to be a dad...he has been my little man in my life and as he has grown he has stepped up to his dads boots and takes care of this momma when she needs an extra shoulder to lean on...can't wait to see what kind of a dad he will be...amazing I'm sure!

For Willie...ugh...we miss you more than words can say...I look in Scotts eyes and see a reflection of who you were as a young man...as you taught your sons what it meant to work hard...love you family and love the Lord...I think tonight I may be most thankful for you because you and Linda raised the man I have now...you planted seeds that God has grown...and the world is a better place because of this man I call mine...that you raised! Tomorrow will be sad without you...looking at cards today was yucky because you should be getting one...but know this...we will be rejoicing as we worship the Lord in the morning...knowing that you have the honor and the privilege of being in the presence of the One True Father...what a Father's Day for YOU...we love you Pops!

and finally for my sweet loving husband...thank you for loving me when no one else would have...for walking beside my healing process...for holding my hand...for opening my car door...for not just being the father of our kids...but for being their daddy...for being my best friend...for loving me at my fattest...and encouraging me on this journey without belittling me...for loving Jesus like no one I've ever witnessed before...for allowing me the honor of watching this transformation the Lord continues to do in your life...for sharing Jesus even in the dark days of losing your own dad...for praying when the words were almost more than you could grown...for being you...I love you!