Beks

I want to wish my best dil happy birthday! You continue to be such a blessing to not only our family but to me personally...thank you so much for all that you do! Thank you for words of encouragement and for prayers! You are so loved and appreciated...we are not always the best to share that with each other but you are!!!

You have already completed us! You encourage Michael...you make his shine!!! (yep...he is making fun of me now!!!). You are an amazing mom to Charli and Rory!

I pray not only the 15th but your entire birthday weekend is over and beyond blessed!!! Love you sweet girl and cannot wait to celebrate with you tonight!

~the real deal

Miss

Wow what a year can do in a person's life...you are another year older...and now a momma! I've loved this past year...waiting for yours and Michael's little ones to arrive then to watch you both learn/start the life time process of parenting...

I'm so thankful for you and what you have brought to our family as our exclamation make for our immediate family...have made us laugh until we cry at times...you brought us all joy...you met the man of your dreams...and know of a sweet Journie to follow all the days of your life...

But we don't want to forget that you are also...Miss...to many young people on a daily basis...I pray God uses you in their lives as well...to be an instrument to encourage those you need that extra encouragement...and to a source of hope for those who seem to have none...to be a light in a dark world...

I love you more than words can say...

momma 

Finding my Focus

I wrote this blog while I was at Global last week and wanted to share:

I found myself sad today that Bob isn't here...but you know what I was reminded of just as quickly: God IS here!!!

When will I stop looking to other men and or women and be a sold out passionate follower, seeking and looking and finding You Lord?

Don't get me wrong, the Lord has placed men and women in my/our lives. The ones that come to my mind, God has used them in my life as teacher, mentor, counselors, pastors and friends. God has allowed me to meet and be involved in the lives of men and women who are openly passionate about their relationship with Jesus Christ...they have been willing to teach me what brokenness looks like...and humility...they have allowed me to see what it looks like for another fellow follower to be on a mountain top with the Lord praising Him and what it looks like to cling to Jesus in times of walking through the valleys. 

As these words are coming to my heart Matt Kearns is about to speak...if you have never heard him bring the word...you've missed out...I again, found myself waiting to see what Matt would bring...and realizing just as quickly remembering Matt is nothing without the powerful words of our King!

I have to mention those in my life that have impacted not just me but Scott as well...Jim and Kim Day, Bruce and Cathy Love, Matt Kearns, Chadd Pendergraft, Jared and Dawn Proctor, Bob Caldwell, Scott Griffith...and one our family used to refer to as our own 6th grade hero...I'm so thankful for each and everyone (and other's I've failed to mention)...for their ministries, their words of encouragement...their mentoring...and their friendships...but more than any of that I'm thankful that Jesus Christ is high and lift up in their lives...when times are good...and when times are not!

My focus cannot be on them...my focus must be thank You Lord for You are good!!!! My responds should always and forever be...speak Lord, your servant hears...

I also had this happen while I was gone to part 2....

it really goes with what I've already written...I had someone say Scott and I were some of their heroes...and ALL I could find myself thinking was what wretched, messed people we really are! I find myself wondering if all the hero's of the faith feel the same way...

Truth be told...we all are so messed up and yet God...allows us to be apart of His story...

Lord speak, we will listen...

Happy Birthday Michael

Just wanted to say happy birthday today! What a year you have had! You've had many changes this past year...starting with a new job! You've made great accomplishments there!

We've all know for years now that you can keep something really quiet when you want to...and this year we found out just how long you can keep a BIG secret...finding out about Charli Grace ranks up there with one of my 8 favorite memories!

Watching you struggle through you back pain and surgery was another memory...I'm thankful to watch the healing continue there and for the surgeon God place in your path!

I say it every year and I still mean it...I always knew you'd make an amazing husband and I love watching you love Beks...you do it so so well!

But I love watching you with Charli Grace...nothing brings me such joy as to watch you with her! Makes this momma's heart so happy and full! I know you and Beks both desire to teach her the important things in life and for that we are so grateful.

Michael...I pray this year is the best one yet! I love you and I'm so proud of you and honored to be your mom!!!

have a great day!

My...I don't want to...needs to be fixed

Here I am again...well let me correct that...here I am still...in this place...the harsh truth hit me last night...I just don't want to...not because it's hard...not because I'm afraid to fail...not because people have said or done something...not for a million other reasons...I simply just don't want to do this...like Jonah...I've been running for a long time...in the opposite direction...because I DON'T WANT TO GO THE RIGHT DIRECTION....the direction the Lord has asked...called me to go in...

I've made excuses for a long time...heard the beckoning of the Holy Spirit CLEARLY in my ear...and yet continued on my OWN way...discouraged...by my own choices...depressed...because my life doesn't look the way I want it too...bulled up because it's easy for some...and very hard for others like myself...so I've run the opposite direction until I feel so very lost...some of you will understand when I say...lost in a fog or mist of my own making...I want to be angry with God but I can't...I've heard His voice calling to me through the fog and the mist the whole time and yet I've (me, myself and I) refused to turn to him...to cry out to Him...Lord save me!!!

And so I'm at the crossroad...one that as believers, we all get to at some point...will I continue running or will I turn back to the safety and love of the Father...of the Savior who...didn't want the cross either...remember He said...if there is any other way Lord...BUT not my will...YOURS  LORD...it's a scary place to be...this crossroad...it is going to be a defining point in my walk with the Lord...Jonah finally obeyed...and then got ticked off again...that's me...I obey for a while then got mad again...I'm reminded of God's words in Jonah 4:4..."do you have good reason to be angry?"...

I think I can be angry about a lot of things...abortion, abuse, human trafficking, injustices, people who mock the Lord or take his name in vain...but I can't be angry if my life doesn't look like I think it should knowing the entire time...I have refused to get myself out of the way and allow the Lord to have complete control of me...to live a life surrendered...

It is taking me all morning to write this post..I just read the book of Jonah...and I'm reminded that not only are my choices affecting me but it has the potential of affecting others around me...I'm reminded that I don't get to choose God's responses to myself or to others...and I certainly do not have the right to be angry with His decisions...

But...I do have the opportunity to respond to Him today...His mercies are new every morning...He holds me in the palm of His hand and He has saved me for a greater purpose than this pitiful existence I have chosen to walk in lately...I have circled this mountain long enough...and if I'll trust Him...He will do great and might things in my life...He wants to...He isn't the one stopping all of this...I am...

Many, many years ago...I learned we all have a trigger in our life that God uses...mine is music...take time to listen to these two songs today...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQmysKhww_I


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ejycllx5iwA

I've purposely not told you what my struggle is...because is doesn't matter what it is...my struggle...their struggle...your struggle...God is bigger than it...God wants to do great and mighty things in the lives of His People...He came to give us life...and to give it to us abundantly...

I will try to blog more as I start new today...I'm am a child of the one true King...the King of the world...

Charli Grace

I remember well the first time I found out I would be a Grammy...I received a set of baby keys for mother's day...and my life has never been the same...we have had 6 sweet grand babies born and each one brings an excitement and a joy that is indescribable!

Michael and Bekah told us just before Thanksgiving that we would be Poppy and Grammy again and can I just say that the new NEVER wears off...we were just as excited to meet number 7 as we were to meet number 1...(and are for number 8 in 6 more weeks!!!)

Michael and Beks decided to wait until the birth to find out the gender of their baby...it has been exciting to try and guess the gender...look at stuff to buy... but...if you know me well...you know I am one curious...okay, okay...nose-y person...can I just say...by last week...curiosity was about to kill this cat...!!!!

Yesterday was FINALLY baby day...and it was a long day of respecting momma and daddy's wishes and waiting to meet...our little new one...but...before I share more...can I just say...the look on my son's face when he came out to the waiting room was pure joy and love!!!! Melted this momma's heart!!!!

Michael and Beks welcomed a beautiful healthy baby girl May 5th...she is a mini me of her daddy...and I anticipate her having him wrapped around her little fingers...I cannot wait to see her again...I wished today I had hourly pictures sent to me...

We want to thank the Lord for this precious baby girl...that His hand was on her this past 40 weeks and on her and Beks yesterday...for giving the doctor wisdom...and blessings us once again...

Meet our sweet Charli Grace...

Sweet Charli...you are loved... 

Sis

Oh my goodness I do NOT know where the times goes...I can still go back to you birth day...clear as a bell...didn't feel great...and I was grouchy!!! You remember the furnace in the old house...I was curled up by it when your dad left for work...he asked if he needed to stay home...I said no...I'm not in labor I just don't feel well...it was my doctors appointment day...and they thought I maybe was in labor...I was at 5 then...and they had me come back at the end of the day...then I was 6...never felt a pain one...they admitted me...dad came...the doctor said he didn't want to be up all night so he broke my water and I was holding you within the hour...!!! Maybe as easy as your delivery was that is where your pain tolerance comes from!!!!

I'm thankful for you in my life and our lives...each one of you kids bring something special and unique to our family...and each one of you makes us who we are as a family!!!

I'm thankful you love Jesus...and Donnie and you gave us those precious kiddos...I thankful you teach...and that you love on the kids at BCBC...I thankful that you extend me grace and mercy...never lose that gift of extending grace and mercy...

I'm thankful you are my daughter and my friend...and one of my biggest prayer warriors...

I pray this coming year is full of excitement and adventure and all kinds of JOY!!!!

Love you Sis!!!!


Mom

Forever changed

We live in a country where we have the opportunity to make something out of our lifes...the American Dream if you will...if you work hard enough you can overcome your circumstances and back ground. Even in poverty, with enough hard work and determination you can overcome your environment...I've seen this in my own family......

We've just returned home from a place that doesn't have the same opportunities...a place where, for the most part, the circumstances you are born in are the circumstances you will die in. 

We also have the INCREDIBLE opportunity in our country to have the freedom to follow Christ...in freedom...with as much passion as possible or as little sadly...we can share the Truth of Christ everyday without fear of persecution (dangerous persecution) not the kind that means we are called a "Jesus Freak" but that kind that can mean we may go hungry or without water or be beaten or worse....and YET...we take this for granted...we realize missed opportunities on a regular basis...but does that break our hearts...we'd rather have our weekends to ourselves than serve...and we justify this...we want our kids involved in as many activities as possible...even when that means there is no time for church...and again we justify...we protest and march for this right and that right bu when was the last time we took the same amount of time...spent on our faces...seeking God's will for our lives...our nations...we call our selves Christians...but when was the last time we truly had time for Christ...is that really all there is to our faith?

The place/people we just returned home from understand the true cost to be a follower of Christ...they understand what it is like to be the only follower in their village and be under true persecution...to  be the only believer in their home...to have water withheld from the village well...to have no one purchase goods or crops from them so that they can make a small living for their families...or the fear of being tied up and beaten for no other reason than they love Jesus...and yet they stay the coarse...they run the race...they fix their eyes on Christ...

We met a young man who is the only believer in his family. He has been for several years now...He is the eldest son and it is time, his parents say, for him to be married...they have arranged a Hindi bride for him...this young man is having to make some very difficult decisions...in his culture, to refuse this request/demand from his parents will bring great disgrace to them...yet to obey them means to disobey God...he is choosing to obey the Lord, however, this may cost him his family...forever...yet he stands firm...he counts the cost and decides Christ is worth it...Please pray for our friend...and for salvation to come to his parents and brothers....

Each time Scott and I return from one of these trips it is more and more difficult for us to return to the states...where it is so easy to be a Christian...it's easy to attain the "American Dream" in our own flesh...with this freedom, I fear we really don't see a need for the Gospel of Jesus Christ...When I think of America and then some of the other countries where persecution is rampant...I think of the story in the Bible Jesus tells of the rich man and the beggar...oh how I pray America wakes up...for those in America who ARE passionate about a relationship with Jesus Christ...and sharing the Gospel...may we be sold out to the very end...may we be willing the count the cost...

The village we were in had no real modern conveniences...no electricity...no refrigeration...no prepackaged items to whip together for a quick meal...and CERTAINLY no McDonald's...we had some of the people who came to our training sessions who walked 3 hours to get there...sat on a concrete floor for 4 hours to learn what God had to say to them...then walk home 3 more hours...THEN they would begin the task of cooking a meal that would take at least 2 hours to prepare for their family...then do dishes...get up early to prepare breakfast (remember they don't have pop tarts!) and begin the 3 hour journey again...and they did this for 6 days straight...and we complain one day a week if the pastor speaks to long...how dare we put our limit on the Holy Spirit...

I cannot adequately find the words to describe how this impacted my life...I can still close my eyes and see the faces of the 50 plus women who came each day for teaching...how they shared the hard part of being a Christian there...and yet staying faithful...one lady shared that her family are the only believers in their village and their village was having a meeting to decided what they might do about them...and yet she said we came...it's too important to not come...she said they didn't know what they would face when they went home...that is counting the cost...you see they all came...dad, mom and all their children...if we, as American's won't count the cost to miss a ballgame, how in the world will we count the cost when true persecution comes....not only for us...but our children...is HE worth that? Let me ask you this...is their (our children and grandchildren) eternity?

Please know this are all thoughts the Lord is speaking to my heart about...will I COUNT THE COST...will I stop worrying about things that have no eternal value...like women's rights in America...really? However, the rights of the women in persecuted countries or religions...that has eternal value...that is the example heavy on my heart today...God's word is eternal...so many, many things of this world are not...yet we put some much of our earthly energy into things of no eternal value...

Matthew 6:33, Romans 10:14-15, Deuteronomy 6:5-9

These people are beautiful...we went to serve the Lord and to serve them...they have forever changed me...

catch up

Wow it's been a while sine I've written...the holidays have passed and 3 more birthdays! No excuses but also no words...sometimes that happens...you know????

Ayden Parker turned 11 years old this year...his is absolutely growing like crazy this year...He loves to talk him some video talk...or star wars...or legos...all of which I'm pretty uneducated in...but he also likes to still come give his ole grammy a hug which makes my day!!!! I pray he never gets to big for that...He has a sense of humor...but doesn't like a bunch of people looking at him either...

Then came his momma's birthday...Cassie is stretching herself in a new role at our church...it is good to see her servants heart again...sometimes wounds take time to heal...you know as momma's we want to take those away, but we can't always do that...  but the One who created her can heal them!

The twins turned 8 and they to are growing way to fast!!! They like to give hugs too (really all the kids do!!!!) They are very different and yet share so much in common...I've always said...watching the "twin' thing is fascinating....it truly is a different kind of bond than regular siblings!

In just a few days Scott and I will celebrate our 35 wedding anniversary! I cannot believe we've made it...he is such a faithful man...the funny thing about us is there are so many things we've learned from one another...some of those things maybe neither of us really needed the lesson...and others have made us better people...it's taken me a long time to be able to say I've brought a few good things too...I was just a mess...but God has graced me, had mercy on me and is changing me more each day...(when I yield to Him that is)...I think we are in a good place...Scott and I that is! We started out so young...and we started our family so very young...so empty nest isn't something we've really had...we've enjoyed this time of just us...it's a new place and we like it (for the most part.)

We are preparing to go on another mission trip in just about 8 days...we are excited...anguish, humbled...all the above...we will have many opportunities to do things that will be new to us. We ask for your prayers in the coming days!!!!

We have 2 new grand babies on the way and we are so excited...Michael and Bekah are expecting their first in April and Katie and Thomas in June...I cannot put into words how happy I am...It amazes me how I'm as excited for these two as the first one...and all those in between...

We still have one exchange daughter this year...and one that isn't with us but not to far away...our year has had it's ups and downs but over all we've had a good year! Our girl from Korea will be 16 in a few days and we will be celebrating her birthday this weekend! We also will be celebrating finding out the gender of Katie's baby...and Rylee Belle's baptism!!!

God is so good to us...after we got the phone call from Rylee telling us she was saved...all I could think was...in the world's eye...Scott and I really don't have much...but in our eyes we are the richest most blessed family...we are able to serve the Lord together...all four of our kids love and serve the Lord....they are all married to 4 amazing people who also love and serve the Lord and spur our kids on...and now 4 of  our 6 Grands have a relationship with Jesus Christ...at the end of the day...I'd say we have all that matters...