Thoughts

Well the holiday season will officially be upon us in just a few short days! I will not lie, with the incredible lose our family has experienced this year I am somewhat dreading the holidays! But, God's grace was been with us each day, each moment that is and will be difficult He is and will be our strength! While the loss has been deep and wide...we have so much...we have kids and grand kids and each other. We have a community that cares and church families that have and are praying us through this! For all of this I want to say thank you! I have been attempting to get myself back into a quiet time like I know I need...yesterday our pastor was even speaking of that a little bit...when I need hope...I will find it in The Living Word...when I desire to hear from The Lord...He will primarily speak through His ward...when I need my faith to increase...yep...the Word...faith comes from hearing and hearing from the word of God...Romans 10:17...I have been reading in the Old Testament the past several weeks and I was reminded of a study I did many years about the tabernacle! If I am understanding it correctly, God started the fire on the altar of sacrifice and the priest were to never let the fire go out....the needed to keep "feeding" the fire...if you will, by keeping wood on it...God started a fire in my life 24 years ago...there was NOTHING I could do to start that myself...but I must feed it...through His word...don't misunderstand me, I don't believe the fire, once started by God, will ever go out (the fire of salvation). However, I do believe for my faith to increase...I must desire a daily walk....daily interaction with my Heavenly Father. That is...always will be my choice...make time for him...or not...I hate that I have to admit that to much of my time is wasted on the things of this world that simply do not matter... I, at this point in my life, have 2 generations following me...my children and my grandchildren...I desire for them to see the truths God is daily teaching me lived out in my life...for them to learn these lessons before the ripe old age of 50! With each pass day I am learning about this faith walk we call the Christian life...it is hard, it is work, it makes us stick out and be different...but never...in all my life have I experienced so worth it! The Lord gave me His all...my prayer...that I will spend the rest of my days...laying my life on that altar of sacrifice...dying to self...giving my all... Thankful for you all...happy thanksgiving!

Heavenly Birthdays...

If you have ever heard the song "I can only imagine"...you will know the words of that song are so beautiful... I find myself wondering some of those words today...wondering what that first birthday in Heaven is like...do people tell you happy birthday...or are you all so consumed with the glory of the Lord...that you don't even know it is your birthday? I've been consumed with the thought of what it will be like to stand in His presence...if indeed we are able to stand rather than be bowed before Him...wondering what you all think...wondering if you pass each other along the way...giving a thumbs ups to one another...funny thought just hit me poppa...your thumb is standing straight again!!!! I try so hard to picture the beauty you behold each and every day...the street of gold...the precious stones...the streams... I know there may be no balloons or cake today...or cornbread or beans...or some of Maw maw's Polk greens...but I know with all that is within me there is joy, and no pain...and there is lots of smiles...there is laughter...praise and worship... I know that we, this side of heaven, have worshipped in a Sunday morning services...and by the time the song ends we can feel the very presence of our Holy God...but you...you all ARE in His presence...and as bad as you are missed...as bad as we'd love to see those smiles one last time...or one last hug...or one last anything...where you are IS what life is about...you all have accomplished our purpose for life...you have run the race... "We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne." Hebrews 12:1-2 Those who have run before us...Abraham, Moses, King David, Daniel, Esther, John, Paul...and the list we read about goes on and on and on...and yet God gives us lives to witness as well...Willie, Harold, Kathy...our witnesses that have given us the example...through Jesus Christ, how to run in this life...I have full confidence that each one would spur us on to the upward calling in Christ...their faith has become sight!!! I have a witness I live with everyday. Scott runs as hard and fast after Jesus as anyone I've ever known...to those in heaven we say happy birthday to you all this month...and to those of us here, left to walk this earth a while longer...what kind of baton will we be passing to the next generation...I'll close with a few words of one last song... It's all about You, Jesus And all this is for You For Your glory and Your fame, It's not about me As if You should do things my way You alone are God and I surrender...to Your Ways

Tambourine in the Dessert...

Long story...but just let me say...I WILL be purchasing a tambourine...please no peaking in our windows when I'm home alone with the Lord...because we will be doing some worshiping together! I had the honor of going away to a conference this weekend with my girls and a few ladies that I didn't really know...and had an amazing time! God spoke to my heart and now He and I have some hard work to do together! As worship started yesterday morning I was mesmerized once again by the sign language ministry! I know the people there who needed it had to have "felt" the beat of the worship through the drums that were being played...can you imagine..."feeling" in your soul the heart "beat" of the worship! As I was glued to that scene, I thought...as deaf believers in Christ...the first thing they will EVER hear is well done good and faithful servant...welcome home child! Oh, the thought of that makes me want to be shout God You ARE GOOD!!! Beth Moore taught out of Exodus 15, Numbers 12 and Revelation 15 primarily this past weekend and she taught on Miriam the sister of Moses. God spoke so clearly to me this weekend in a new and fresh way. One thing she shared with us is that...Nobody appreciates deliverance like those who've nearly been destroyed! Oh, the life cry of my life personally!...This life is a battle and if we just sit...we will be slaughtered...but...if we are fighting we are tired, sweaty, bruised and battered...may we, I, never forget...our God is closer and mightier than we have the capacity to imagine! As the children of Israel got to the other side of the sea they celebrated and Miriam lead the women in worship and dancing...do I have something to dance about? (Oh...YES I DO!) But then the wilderness came...(and it will come!) and lots of years she had to wonder God...what happened...so the next question I had posed to my...if I can't see a mighty work of God for 40 years...will I remain faithful to Him...trust that He is still there...He is still on the throne and He is still God...as American Christians I believe this is a very real possibility...will I stay faithful...I pray that I will...but until we are in the desert I don't think we can get to arrogant and prideful to say I will do this or I won't do that... Oh the joy of this statement..."I may not be where I'm going...but I am NOT where I used to be"...thank You JESUS!!! I cant' find the words to express all that God spoke this weekend... I also had the unexpected opportunity to share my testimony concerning our familys past...I wasn't planning on it so it took me by surprise but I knew once again the Lord wanted me to share...so I did...every time I do, I must battle the enemies desire to remind me how I failed my children and Scott and I have to battle giving into the emotions of feeling unforgiveable, and yet I'm learning that I have freedom from this past in Christ and in Him alone...but as I shared it this time...I was reminded how hard that time was...what a battle for months and months it was...even when I was finally broken...it took so loooooooong for us to rebuild from the damage my anger caused us...and while I can say I am (and yes I am) free from the guilt now...we still see signs every now and then where we have some damage control to deal with...it was hard...and God did a miraculous thing in my life and the life of my husband and the life of my children...and we stand today as a family unit because of our Savior! However, my Savior did not blow fairy dust in my face and "poof" it was gone...I was forgiven that quickly...I repented...and "poof" as far as the east is from the west my sin was removed...but then starts the daily...changing of a habit...a habit of, well...I don't want to go there this morning but the daily habit of my past sin...so I had people beside me that called it what is was...SIN...and there were days...I wanted to walk in it more than I wanted to walk with Jesus...because to be honest...some moments that seemed easier...(a lie from the pit of hell!). We need people to love us enough to call our sin, sin. I also learned to claim scripture during this time...when the old habit wanted to take over I would quote a scripture over and over until I knew I was hearing and obeying...I later learned what I was really doing was using the Word of God to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ! So today I have this other struggle that really has been life long but God has really been speaking to me about it for the past probably 10 years...my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I do not treat it well...He has helped me through so far, but it hit me this weekend that this problem is the same...it is hard...like the other one...I want the godly fairy dust blown in my face and "poof" no more struggle...and I DON'T want to change me from the inside out...but God said to me this weekend...where is the change in that, and how will you continue to learn to trust Me if "poof" it's gone with not effort of you relying on me to get through this...so the battle begins today with the Lord as the head of me! Please don't misunderstand me...with this whole "poof" thing...when we repent...truly repent "poof" we are forgiven...and even some struggles are gone that quickly...but other times, a lot of other times, once the forgiveness is given from the Lord...the work begins to daily learn to trust Him and seek Him as we walk day by day through the victory... I know in light of many other struggles this will seem silly to some if not most...but the fact is it is sin in my life...God has convicted me of it for years...and it is time to call it what it is...My name is Lori...(I've never said this opening before)...and I'm a food addict...Lord teach me to love you more than life, family, church and food...Lord...teach me to hunger and thirst for You and Your righteousness... I must say...the fact of the harsh matter is...what in our lives do we want more than Jesus...maybe it is success, money, fame, a relationship,...dare I say it...sex, food, family, purpose, approval in the eyes of others...Jesus IS the only thing that matters...Jesus and what we do with Him...think back to how this started...maybe we've been blinded by the sin of our lives, or maybe we have turned a deaf ear to the Lord...Oh, that we hear well done good and faithful servant...will we be faithful...even when it costs us something...maybe even everything? "The Lord is my STRENGTH and my defense, He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I WILL praise Him...Exodus 15:2"...and so I will pick up a tambourine...and I will dance before Him...in praise and worship...with my husband and my grandbabies...and He will help me to overcome this monster in my life...like He helped me to trust and fight a monster before in my life almost 15 years ago now! with my past, with the last few months with our family...and for our future...listen to the words of this song...because that is what life is about...Him and Him alone!

Katie Elizabeth

Well another year passes...I do not know where the time has gone...I can close my eyes and still see you the moment you were born...really you are the only one I can do that with because by the time you came I had learned a thing or two about appreciating what I had as a mother and how quickly each moment passes...all your siblings were so proud of you and for the most part I don't really think any of them really got over that...you are lucky that you were a little sister that they loved and were proud of...I rarely heard...mom get her out of here!!!...maybe you were special...maybe we just didn't let you guys do that and maybe there was a LOT of that behind my back...either way...I think it is safe to say you were and are an amazing added gift to our family! This year has been so very hard for us all...more losses than we care to mention...but for the believer in us...great celebrations as well! Your words you shared about Harold on your FB still give me goose bumps...You've always been able to have the eternal perspective...one of my most favorite things about you! I've missed you this year as you have stretched yourself in school and working with your own youth group...but I wouldn't trade that for anything...I love seeing each one of you kids finding your "place" in the body and serving there...and serving well...I used to dread being "expected" to serve...and now...honestly I hunger for it...I pray that for each of you as you all grow and learn the importance of a faithful life... I still love to see the way you and Thomas look at each other...clearly in love! I love the way all of your nieces and nephews get excited because Aunt Katie is coming...and I cannot wait to see you as a momma someday...you will be amazing...you have wisdom beyond your years...and a gentleness that will guide them well! I'm proud to be your momma and your friend...I'm thankful for you in my life...I love you Katie Elizabeth!

our loss...his gain!

I am writing to you as I sit beside the empty vessle of one of the greatest, kindest, and most amazing men I have ever had the honor of knowing...of loving...we...his family...have sat beside his bed for 3 days now...as he ran the last little bit of his race here on this earth...we have read scripture over him...prayed for him and sang to him...Scott even sang "power in the blood" Scott style for him last night...I didn't realize until it was almost to late that he truly was hearing us as we talked with him and whispered in his hear how precious he was to us! But last night I realized you could see his eyelids moving in response to use...when Scott came in last night he responded! Scott later left the room for a while and we were singing with him and we said Scott needed to sing power in the blood HIS way and thoses eyes responded...so we along with a few tears shed...we even had a giggle with him! Then in the wee hours of this morning...we sang a few last songs with him It is Well With my Soul...I have decided to Follow Jesus...and the last one..."Jesus Is Tenderly Calling"...and at the end of the song...our sweet Harold took his last breath...when Willie passed away a few months ago...we experinced what I would call a HOLY MOMENT...and this morning...I had the honor of being part of another one...to God be the Glory...in Harolds life and through his death...

as we wait...

We are all at the hospital waiting for Jesus to take another sweet one home...and we reminise...lots of memories...I can still see Harolds little red pickup setting outside Pleasant Grove Baptist Church...as he did what he loved to do...yard work...I remember thinking then as I just began to know this amazing man we called papa...how kind he is...he has loved Scott, my kids and myself as if we were his very own...I guess truth be told we are his...Michael would stand between JoNell and Harold in church and sing as loud as he could...(if he wasn't with them he was with maw maw!)...and when Katie came...she was his girl! I can only say how lucky thomas is that time changes things because there was a time when Katie was sure that after she grew up and married, she would still sleep between her mammy and papa and her husband could sleep beside their bed in the floor! That memory makes me smile so much! There was the time he let all the GA girls come crash in his and JoNells closet and have a slumber party...you know there aren't that many retired men who would have been OK with 12 little giggly girls and their leaders coming and crashing their house like that...but he did...with a smile the entire time! Lots of memories of birthday parties and easter egg coloring...proms and high school graduations...college graduations and weddings...babies...and Harold...like all the other grandparents was there...one of our constants...there were times I knew he was crying for our family and praying over us...as healing began to take place...times that he has looked at Scott with such admiration and pride...much like a dad would...times he has called me his girl... You know I've been blessed with 3 blessings in my life...and all three blessings have taught me so much about life...and those blessings...are my dads...my first dad...who has taught me about forgiveness and learning to appreciate another person you always thought would be there...and about not taking people always being there when you are ready for granted....then there was Tucker...the next blessing...who continues to teach me about loving like your own...I've giggled today about him finding a fence post under my car and keeping it secret so mom wouldn't KILL me! Or when he told me he couldn't give me away at my wedding b/c he understand the pain a father feels when someone else does it...that day is when I learned the character of the man my step dad was...greatness in my opinion...and then came Harold...out of the blue...a blessing I didn't expect but wouldn't trade for the world! Such a kind and gentle spirit he is! Today as I was driving to the hospital I was thinking he would soon meet the twins he and JoNell lost so many years ago...he gets to see them before her so I guess he can name them!!!! And I know he will give maw maw and willie a hug from Scott and I...and I know he will be in awe as he stands...for the rest of all eternity in the presence of Jesus... The pain we've felt this year continues to be immense...but I wouldn't trade any of those that have been in our lives and are gone now for anything...because we are better people because of each one of them...Brian, Jeremy, Poppa and Kathy...and now...as we wait for Harold to leave us too...I can say...I am a better person because I have had Harold Lawyer in my life for 25 plus years...as I sit by his bedside I think of this... Onward to the prize before us Soon His beauty we'll behold Soon the pearly gates will open We shall tread the streets of gold! When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be when we all see Jesus We'll sing and shout the victory and JoNell reminded me of this song tonight: ...and then one day I'll cross that river I'll fight lifes final war with pain and then as death gives way to vi'tory I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives Because He lives I can face tomorrow Because He lives all fear is gone Because I know He holds the future And life is worth the living just because He lives... what a glorious thought for a sweet and gentle man...who I have no doubt will immediately hear these words...well done my good and faithful servant...

Humbled

 O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
 
 And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.
 
 When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
 

We sang this song this week on our Mission trip...I cannot sing this sing...EVER...without going back in my mind...being a 10 year old little girl...laying on our picnic table in the back yard...singing that song or reading the words and thinking...there must be more than my child like mind could see...could understand! I know now after all these years, God was revealing Himself to a little girl who was very curious about this Creator I'd heard about at church camp!

This week has been amazing and life changing yet again. We had the honor to stand beside some truly passionate people who desire to see their neighborhoods redeemed through the sacrificial blood of Jesus Christ!

We served each day to some amazing kids, with amazing believers...we bonded together so well in order to accomplish the work the Lord had called us to Kansas City to do! We worked in a church that has many people in it who moved to the "hood"...for no other reason but to share the Gospel with the "nations". The nations have moved there to start a new life...a life that at this point is empty without the Lord...

I always thought people only did this as they moved out of our country to sacrifice...but it's not true...Living Faith Church has the heartbeat of their Savior and a passion for the lost...they have the ability to walk with a kingdom purpose in everything they do! I have come to understand that we have the same needs in our own back door...in McDonald County...the Nations are coming and we have a great opportunity...will we take it...we have hungry children who need their belly's full and the Truth share...will be feed them both ways...we have families that need the love of Jesus to give them HOPE...will we GO?

Each evening we had a time of worship and teaching. The teaching was good stuff...causing me to come out bruised each night...one evening in particular Brad Russell preached on the glory of God...He read Isaiah 42:8..."I am the Lord, that is My name; And My glory I will not give to another, Nor My praise to carved images"

I've known for a very long time that life is NOT about us...not you...and not me...it is about the Lord...but I got a picture in my head this week of what it might look like in the very throne room of God...filled with HIS glory!...God has taught me many things this week...but the biggest...how truly selfish and self seeking I am...I think at times knowingly I am...and other times I don't realize it until I've already done whatever I was doing...it was unintentional...but caused pain or a problem or just attempted to steal some of God's glory...and whether it was intentional or not...it was sin...

Matt 5:16...which was the theme verse we had a few weeks ago for our local mission trip was shared again this week..."Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven"...simply put...live for HIM so HE will be glorified...

As we sang How Great Thou Art...I got the picture of HIS GLORY...through the song...I understand there is more than I knew as a child and there is more to know...but not for ME to feel good about me or my life...for HIM...so HE will be Glorified...so HE will be exalted among the nations!

Our last devotion for the trip is this morning...our first day back and I want to share one last scripture that is in our devotions...from Psalm 85:8-9...
"I listen carefully to what God the Lord is saying, for HE speaks to His faithful people. BUT LET THEM NOT RETURN TO THEIR FOOLISH WAYS. Surely His salvation is near to those who fear HIM, SO OUR LAND WILL BE FILLED WITH HIS GLORY!

I heard a word over and over this week...intentional...may I live the rest of my days...intentional for HIS GLORY!