Birthdays...

As most of you know...I love to write when someone special to me has a birthday...but what you may not know is I cannot write unless the Lord is speaking to my heart...so my apologies in advance to Cassie and Ayden...I guess my heart has been a funk...The Lord is speaking to my heart about that funk...and it is time to get up and out of it! (That will be another blog!) So today I will just catch up if you will on these birthdays that seem to come faster and faster! Our sweet oldest grandchild turned 8 years old on the 4th! It is so hard to believe that he is that old...almost double digits...1/2 way to 16...wow time is flying...He is a little character for sure...very careful to choose his words so that he will not hurt your feelings...(he is sensitive that way!) He is in the 2nd grade now and very smart...says he doesn't really like to read but does an amazing job at it...never ceasing to amaze us! He asked Jesus into his heart this year...such a joy for this grammy! Each year that passes I realize how short our time truly is and the fact that really only one thing will matter in life...What did we do with Jesus...Ayden will follow his Savior into his future now...he loves his siblings but he for sure has a soft spot for that baby sister of his...he still thinks uncle Michael is the bomb.com...although I hear a lot this year about how smart his daddy is and how he wants to grow up and do the things his dad does...he still loves to give you hugs...he always comes into the room...gives me a hug and says...hey grammy! Melts my heart! I pray Ayden Parker...that you grow up to be like your Poppy...you see he is my hero...he loves each one of us uniquely and yet he loves all the same...and his desire is for each of us...from me to the youngest grandbaby is for us to know Jesus, love Him, live for Him and experience Him to the fullest...and Ayden Parker...if you do...you will be an incredible man! That is my prayer for you! Cassie's birthday followed just a few short days later...and I am so proud of her as well...she has walked a road this year that has stretched her and grown her in many ways...she continues to learn to trust the Lord on a daily basis and much like her momma, when He provides her mouth hits the floor as if she (or we) can't believe that just happened! She led a bible study this year in her home and I think she truly enjoyed the experience...she continues to pour Jesus into her kiddos and that is what she is called to do in this season of life (however, does that season ever go away...I don't think so...it just looks different in different stages of their lives)...I wish peace for her this year...peace and joy that comes only from the Lord! Today the twins turn 5 and we have celebrated all day long...they came in bouncing (literally!)...they are going to go to school next year and I think my life will be very different...I have kept them since they were born...they are the first of the grandkids they I've kept that long...they love Jesus so much and they love to talk about Him...sing about Him and dance before Him...they have changed so much the last year...but I continue to say they are mini me's of their parents...although I see both parents in both kids as times...Caleb is a mini Donnie and the Belle is her momma made over...(which is justice for me!). They will take up for one another if they think someone is picking on them...and they have a hard time being apart...my prayer for them this year is that they will not have separation anxiety! I am blessed with my January babies...from the oldest to the youngest!

Your enough...until something or someone else comes along...

Another early morning for me...can't sleep...headache! I got up and took some migraine meds and now here I am...words rolling over and over in my head so I thought I might as well put them down! Scott leaves for India in about 9 days and so we had all the grandkids over last night for a slumber party! It was...loud! But we had a great time! They are all asleep this a.m. except Cams...he is our early riser! I dreamt about Harold and Willie again last night...I've done that several times the past few months...I find myself mulling between two different places...wondering why they had to go...why we couldn't have them a little longer...and on the other side of it...wondering what they are seeing and experiencing in Heaven...but I also find myself very fearful, wondering who will be gone next...I am even a little afraid when I say goodbye to Scott...well you know... I like to talk the big talk..."know" the answers to say...and I DO know it is truth...and I DO believe it...but do I walk it out daily in my life? Lord, I've had seasons in my life where I get up daily and spend good time with You...reading Your word...praying, listening to some amazing worship music...sweet times...and then comes distraction...sometimes in forms of joy...others in forms of hard things and my eyes are moved from you to whatever has distracted me...I say you are enough...You are all I need...and then I look another place...knowing I've grabbed hold of another lie...I find myself in this place again...wondering around looking for You yet not quite able to find You...I want to fix all the things around me...the hurt my sweet family is experiencing right now...the losses...the difficult things...the questions we have and yet I can't...Lord help me to simple trust...trust You...trust that You have a way bigger plan than I can comprehend...the words of Mark 9:24 comes to me this morning...“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” I know as human beings this is something we all struggle with at times...we say Jesus...you are all I want in the world...until something or someone comes along that we want more...why do we do that...why do I do that...I've belonged to Jesus now for almost 25 years...I don't want this struggle anymore...and I can say the struggle is different to a degree than it was 25 years ago...and year at the core...at the heart it is still very much the same... So this morning I want to see truth...with only comes from one place...and it is NOT Ophrah, or Dr. Phil...or Joel Olsteen or even Billy Graham...but from the Truth of God's word... Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. 1 Samuel 12:16 “Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes! Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”---I LOVE THIS VERSE---truly where I am now... Isaiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary And His Word goes on and on with great comfort for all the days of our lives...good, bad...HE IS THE LORD... So what about you...are you struggling...maybe Jesus was enough...until you realized...you are still single and you should have a family by now...so you are distracted...or maybe you should have a child by now...distracted...or you should have "more" whatever...stuff...better job...easier life...someone back...whatever "our" distraction is...can you find truth in God's word...You can...I promise...we just have to believe it...trust it...cling to it when we have nothing else to cling to...Jesus what life is about...He is truth...He is hope...He is all we need even when the world tells us otherwise...may we be found in HIM... This song has run through my mind for several hours already this morning...the song..."Oceans by Hillsong" You call me out upon the waters The great unknown, where feet may fail And there I find You in the mystery In oceans deep, my faith will stand And I will call upon Your name And keep my eyes above the waves When oceans rise My soul will rest in Your embrace For I am Yours, and You are mine Your grace abounds in deepest waters Your sovereign hand will be my guide Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me You've never failed, and You won't start now And I will call upon Your name And keep my eyes above the waves When oceans rise My soul will rest in Your embrace For I am Yours, and You are mine Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Savior x 6 I will call upon Your name Keep my eyes above the waves My soul will rest in Your embrace I am Yours, and You are mine I am Yours, and You are mine I am Yours, and You are mine I am Yours, and You are mine never heard it before...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLrQWVpoh7U

Worship...and Beks...

I had this blog floating around in my head yesterday but was never able to sit down at a computer long enough to get it written! As I was singing in church yesterday...I just was thinking...what a proud momma Bekah must have...you see yesterday was Bekah's birthday...and there she was on stage with her husband...not only leading worship...but truly worshipping herself! As believers, there is NOTHING we want more in this life than to see our children worshipping the Lord and living for Him...and here she is...CHOOSING...to spend her birthday with the Father! To you Miss Bekah I must saw...thank you for bringing joy to the 2 most important man in my life! I have watched 2 of the biggest changes in him in the last 4 years...the first...was when asked the Lord to save him...4 years ago this week...he was raised in church...basically made good choices (not that he hasn't had struggles)...he knew the "right" answers...and yet there was something missing that none of us knew...not even him until the Lord revealed it to him that special night...and since I've seen a change like words can't express...and the 2nd change came when you entered the picture...he has become whole now because the Lord has brought you into his life...I see you encouraging his walk with the Lord...I see him growing in the Lord...as a man and as a husband...you are a huge part of that! You have brought joy into our lives as you fit into our family perfectly! You are an amazing aunt and I know you think I'm hinting...and I promise I'm not but some day you and Michael are going to be amazing parents! Thank you for loving us all so well...Happy birthday again sweet girl! the real one! It dawned on me as I was watcher her it dawned on me...she was raised in church...could have gotten "tired" of it all and walked away...yet God CHOSE her for more...and I wasn't raised in church...survived my teen years without the Lord...and even into my early years of marriage not knowing HIM...and yet He CHOSE me too...so as Beks turns 25 and I turn 50...we stand and worship...all because the Lord is good and merciful and chose us!

Thoughts

Well the holiday season will officially be upon us in just a few short days! I will not lie, with the incredible lose our family has experienced this year I am somewhat dreading the holidays! But, God's grace was been with us each day, each moment that is and will be difficult He is and will be our strength! While the loss has been deep and wide...we have so much...we have kids and grand kids and each other. We have a community that cares and church families that have and are praying us through this! For all of this I want to say thank you! I have been attempting to get myself back into a quiet time like I know I need...yesterday our pastor was even speaking of that a little bit...when I need hope...I will find it in The Living Word...when I desire to hear from The Lord...He will primarily speak through His ward...when I need my faith to increase...yep...the Word...faith comes from hearing and hearing from the word of God...Romans 10:17...I have been reading in the Old Testament the past several weeks and I was reminded of a study I did many years about the tabernacle! If I am understanding it correctly, God started the fire on the altar of sacrifice and the priest were to never let the fire go out....the needed to keep "feeding" the fire...if you will, by keeping wood on it...God started a fire in my life 24 years ago...there was NOTHING I could do to start that myself...but I must feed it...through His word...don't misunderstand me, I don't believe the fire, once started by God, will ever go out (the fire of salvation). However, I do believe for my faith to increase...I must desire a daily walk....daily interaction with my Heavenly Father. That is...always will be my choice...make time for him...or not...I hate that I have to admit that to much of my time is wasted on the things of this world that simply do not matter... I, at this point in my life, have 2 generations following me...my children and my grandchildren...I desire for them to see the truths God is daily teaching me lived out in my life...for them to learn these lessons before the ripe old age of 50! With each pass day I am learning about this faith walk we call the Christian life...it is hard, it is work, it makes us stick out and be different...but never...in all my life have I experienced so worth it! The Lord gave me His all...my prayer...that I will spend the rest of my days...laying my life on that altar of sacrifice...dying to self...giving my all... Thankful for you all...happy thanksgiving!

Heavenly Birthdays...

If you have ever heard the song "I can only imagine"...you will know the words of that song are so beautiful... I find myself wondering some of those words today...wondering what that first birthday in Heaven is like...do people tell you happy birthday...or are you all so consumed with the glory of the Lord...that you don't even know it is your birthday? I've been consumed with the thought of what it will be like to stand in His presence...if indeed we are able to stand rather than be bowed before Him...wondering what you all think...wondering if you pass each other along the way...giving a thumbs ups to one another...funny thought just hit me poppa...your thumb is standing straight again!!!! I try so hard to picture the beauty you behold each and every day...the street of gold...the precious stones...the streams... I know there may be no balloons or cake today...or cornbread or beans...or some of Maw maw's Polk greens...but I know with all that is within me there is joy, and no pain...and there is lots of smiles...there is laughter...praise and worship... I know that we, this side of heaven, have worshipped in a Sunday morning services...and by the time the song ends we can feel the very presence of our Holy God...but you...you all ARE in His presence...and as bad as you are missed...as bad as we'd love to see those smiles one last time...or one last hug...or one last anything...where you are IS what life is about...you all have accomplished our purpose for life...you have run the race... "We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne." Hebrews 12:1-2 Those who have run before us...Abraham, Moses, King David, Daniel, Esther, John, Paul...and the list we read about goes on and on and on...and yet God gives us lives to witness as well...Willie, Harold, Kathy...our witnesses that have given us the example...through Jesus Christ, how to run in this life...I have full confidence that each one would spur us on to the upward calling in Christ...their faith has become sight!!! I have a witness I live with everyday. Scott runs as hard and fast after Jesus as anyone I've ever known...to those in heaven we say happy birthday to you all this month...and to those of us here, left to walk this earth a while longer...what kind of baton will we be passing to the next generation...I'll close with a few words of one last song... It's all about You, Jesus And all this is for You For Your glory and Your fame, It's not about me As if You should do things my way You alone are God and I surrender...to Your Ways

Tambourine in the Dessert...

Long story...but just let me say...I WILL be purchasing a tambourine...please no peaking in our windows when I'm home alone with the Lord...because we will be doing some worshiping together! I had the honor of going away to a conference this weekend with my girls and a few ladies that I didn't really know...and had an amazing time! God spoke to my heart and now He and I have some hard work to do together! As worship started yesterday morning I was mesmerized once again by the sign language ministry! I know the people there who needed it had to have "felt" the beat of the worship through the drums that were being played...can you imagine..."feeling" in your soul the heart "beat" of the worship! As I was glued to that scene, I thought...as deaf believers in Christ...the first thing they will EVER hear is well done good and faithful servant...welcome home child! Oh, the thought of that makes me want to be shout God You ARE GOOD!!! Beth Moore taught out of Exodus 15, Numbers 12 and Revelation 15 primarily this past weekend and she taught on Miriam the sister of Moses. God spoke so clearly to me this weekend in a new and fresh way. One thing she shared with us is that...Nobody appreciates deliverance like those who've nearly been destroyed! Oh, the life cry of my life personally!...This life is a battle and if we just sit...we will be slaughtered...but...if we are fighting we are tired, sweaty, bruised and battered...may we, I, never forget...our God is closer and mightier than we have the capacity to imagine! As the children of Israel got to the other side of the sea they celebrated and Miriam lead the women in worship and dancing...do I have something to dance about? (Oh...YES I DO!) But then the wilderness came...(and it will come!) and lots of years she had to wonder God...what happened...so the next question I had posed to my...if I can't see a mighty work of God for 40 years...will I remain faithful to Him...trust that He is still there...He is still on the throne and He is still God...as American Christians I believe this is a very real possibility...will I stay faithful...I pray that I will...but until we are in the desert I don't think we can get to arrogant and prideful to say I will do this or I won't do that... Oh the joy of this statement..."I may not be where I'm going...but I am NOT where I used to be"...thank You JESUS!!! I cant' find the words to express all that God spoke this weekend... I also had the unexpected opportunity to share my testimony concerning our familys past...I wasn't planning on it so it took me by surprise but I knew once again the Lord wanted me to share...so I did...every time I do, I must battle the enemies desire to remind me how I failed my children and Scott and I have to battle giving into the emotions of feeling unforgiveable, and yet I'm learning that I have freedom from this past in Christ and in Him alone...but as I shared it this time...I was reminded how hard that time was...what a battle for months and months it was...even when I was finally broken...it took so loooooooong for us to rebuild from the damage my anger caused us...and while I can say I am (and yes I am) free from the guilt now...we still see signs every now and then where we have some damage control to deal with...it was hard...and God did a miraculous thing in my life and the life of my husband and the life of my children...and we stand today as a family unit because of our Savior! However, my Savior did not blow fairy dust in my face and "poof" it was gone...I was forgiven that quickly...I repented...and "poof" as far as the east is from the west my sin was removed...but then starts the daily...changing of a habit...a habit of, well...I don't want to go there this morning but the daily habit of my past sin...so I had people beside me that called it what is was...SIN...and there were days...I wanted to walk in it more than I wanted to walk with Jesus...because to be honest...some moments that seemed easier...(a lie from the pit of hell!). We need people to love us enough to call our sin, sin. I also learned to claim scripture during this time...when the old habit wanted to take over I would quote a scripture over and over until I knew I was hearing and obeying...I later learned what I was really doing was using the Word of God to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ! So today I have this other struggle that really has been life long but God has really been speaking to me about it for the past probably 10 years...my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I do not treat it well...He has helped me through so far, but it hit me this weekend that this problem is the same...it is hard...like the other one...I want the godly fairy dust blown in my face and "poof" no more struggle...and I DON'T want to change me from the inside out...but God said to me this weekend...where is the change in that, and how will you continue to learn to trust Me if "poof" it's gone with not effort of you relying on me to get through this...so the battle begins today with the Lord as the head of me! Please don't misunderstand me...with this whole "poof" thing...when we repent...truly repent "poof" we are forgiven...and even some struggles are gone that quickly...but other times, a lot of other times, once the forgiveness is given from the Lord...the work begins to daily learn to trust Him and seek Him as we walk day by day through the victory... I know in light of many other struggles this will seem silly to some if not most...but the fact is it is sin in my life...God has convicted me of it for years...and it is time to call it what it is...My name is Lori...(I've never said this opening before)...and I'm a food addict...Lord teach me to love you more than life, family, church and food...Lord...teach me to hunger and thirst for You and Your righteousness... I must say...the fact of the harsh matter is...what in our lives do we want more than Jesus...maybe it is success, money, fame, a relationship,...dare I say it...sex, food, family, purpose, approval in the eyes of others...Jesus IS the only thing that matters...Jesus and what we do with Him...think back to how this started...maybe we've been blinded by the sin of our lives, or maybe we have turned a deaf ear to the Lord...Oh, that we hear well done good and faithful servant...will we be faithful...even when it costs us something...maybe even everything? "The Lord is my STRENGTH and my defense, He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I WILL praise Him...Exodus 15:2"...and so I will pick up a tambourine...and I will dance before Him...in praise and worship...with my husband and my grandbabies...and He will help me to overcome this monster in my life...like He helped me to trust and fight a monster before in my life almost 15 years ago now! with my past, with the last few months with our family...and for our future...listen to the words of this song...because that is what life is about...Him and Him alone!

Katie Elizabeth

Well another year passes...I do not know where the time has gone...I can close my eyes and still see you the moment you were born...really you are the only one I can do that with because by the time you came I had learned a thing or two about appreciating what I had as a mother and how quickly each moment passes...all your siblings were so proud of you and for the most part I don't really think any of them really got over that...you are lucky that you were a little sister that they loved and were proud of...I rarely heard...mom get her out of here!!!...maybe you were special...maybe we just didn't let you guys do that and maybe there was a LOT of that behind my back...either way...I think it is safe to say you were and are an amazing added gift to our family! This year has been so very hard for us all...more losses than we care to mention...but for the believer in us...great celebrations as well! Your words you shared about Harold on your FB still give me goose bumps...You've always been able to have the eternal perspective...one of my most favorite things about you! I've missed you this year as you have stretched yourself in school and working with your own youth group...but I wouldn't trade that for anything...I love seeing each one of you kids finding your "place" in the body and serving there...and serving well...I used to dread being "expected" to serve...and now...honestly I hunger for it...I pray that for each of you as you all grow and learn the importance of a faithful life... I still love to see the way you and Thomas look at each other...clearly in love! I love the way all of your nieces and nephews get excited because Aunt Katie is coming...and I cannot wait to see you as a momma someday...you will be amazing...you have wisdom beyond your years...and a gentleness that will guide them well! I'm proud to be your momma and your friend...I'm thankful for you in my life...I love you Katie Elizabeth!