Beks

I want to wish my best dil happy birthday! You continue to be such a blessing to not only our family but to me personally...thank you so much for all that you do! Thank you for words of encouragement and for prayers! You are so loved and appreciated...we are not always the best to share that with each other but you are!!!

You have already completed us! You encourage Michael...you make his shine!!! (yep...he is making fun of me now!!!). You are an amazing mom to Charli and Rory!

I pray not only the 15th but your entire birthday weekend is over and beyond blessed!!! Love you sweet girl and cannot wait to celebrate with you tonight!

~the real deal

Miss

Wow what a year can do in a person's life...you are another year older...and now a momma! I've loved this past year...waiting for yours and Michael's little ones to arrive then to watch you both learn/start the life time process of parenting...

I'm so thankful for you and what you have brought to our family as our exclamation make for our immediate family...have made us laugh until we cry at times...you brought us all joy...you met the man of your dreams...and know of a sweet Journie to follow all the days of your life...

But we don't want to forget that you are also...Miss...to many young people on a daily basis...I pray God uses you in their lives as well...to be an instrument to encourage those you need that extra encouragement...and to a source of hope for those who seem to have none...to be a light in a dark world...

I love you more than words can say...

momma 

Finding my Focus

I wrote this blog while I was at Global last week and wanted to share:

I found myself sad today that Bob isn't here...but you know what I was reminded of just as quickly: God IS here!!!

When will I stop looking to other men and or women and be a sold out passionate follower, seeking and looking and finding You Lord?

Don't get me wrong, the Lord has placed men and women in my/our lives. The ones that come to my mind, God has used them in my life as teacher, mentor, counselors, pastors and friends. God has allowed me to meet and be involved in the lives of men and women who are openly passionate about their relationship with Jesus Christ...they have been willing to teach me what brokenness looks like...and humility...they have allowed me to see what it looks like for another fellow follower to be on a mountain top with the Lord praising Him and what it looks like to cling to Jesus in times of walking through the valleys. 

As these words are coming to my heart Matt Kearns is about to speak...if you have never heard him bring the word...you've missed out...I again, found myself waiting to see what Matt would bring...and realizing just as quickly remembering Matt is nothing without the powerful words of our King!

I have to mention those in my life that have impacted not just me but Scott as well...Jim and Kim Day, Bruce and Cathy Love, Matt Kearns, Chadd Pendergraft, Jared and Dawn Proctor, Bob Caldwell, Scott Griffith...and one our family used to refer to as our own 6th grade hero...I'm so thankful for each and everyone (and other's I've failed to mention)...for their ministries, their words of encouragement...their mentoring...and their friendships...but more than any of that I'm thankful that Jesus Christ is high and lift up in their lives...when times are good...and when times are not!

My focus cannot be on them...my focus must be thank You Lord for You are good!!!! My responds should always and forever be...speak Lord, your servant hears...

I also had this happen while I was gone to part 2....

it really goes with what I've already written...I had someone say Scott and I were some of their heroes...and ALL I could find myself thinking was what wretched, messed people we really are! I find myself wondering if all the hero's of the faith feel the same way...

Truth be told...we all are so messed up and yet God...allows us to be apart of His story...

Lord speak, we will listen...

Happy Birthday Michael

Just wanted to say happy birthday today! What a year you have had! You've had many changes this past year...starting with a new job! You've made great accomplishments there!

We've all know for years now that you can keep something really quiet when you want to...and this year we found out just how long you can keep a BIG secret...finding out about Charli Grace ranks up there with one of my 8 favorite memories!

Watching you struggle through you back pain and surgery was another memory...I'm thankful to watch the healing continue there and for the surgeon God place in your path!

I say it every year and I still mean it...I always knew you'd make an amazing husband and I love watching you love Beks...you do it so so well!

But I love watching you with Charli Grace...nothing brings me such joy as to watch you with her! Makes this momma's heart so happy and full! I know you and Beks both desire to teach her the important things in life and for that we are so grateful.

Michael...I pray this year is the best one yet! I love you and I'm so proud of you and honored to be your mom!!!

have a great day!

My...I don't want to...needs to be fixed

Here I am again...well let me correct that...here I am still...in this place...the harsh truth hit me last night...I just don't want to...not because it's hard...not because I'm afraid to fail...not because people have said or done something...not for a million other reasons...I simply just don't want to do this...like Jonah...I've been running for a long time...in the opposite direction...because I DON'T WANT TO GO THE RIGHT DIRECTION....the direction the Lord has asked...called me to go in...

I've made excuses for a long time...heard the beckoning of the Holy Spirit CLEARLY in my ear...and yet continued on my OWN way...discouraged...by my own choices...depressed...because my life doesn't look the way I want it too...bulled up because it's easy for some...and very hard for others like myself...so I've run the opposite direction until I feel so very lost...some of you will understand when I say...lost in a fog or mist of my own making...I want to be angry with God but I can't...I've heard His voice calling to me through the fog and the mist the whole time and yet I've (me, myself and I) refused to turn to him...to cry out to Him...Lord save me!!!

And so I'm at the crossroad...one that as believers, we all get to at some point...will I continue running or will I turn back to the safety and love of the Father...of the Savior who...didn't want the cross either...remember He said...if there is any other way Lord...BUT not my will...YOURS  LORD...it's a scary place to be...this crossroad...it is going to be a defining point in my walk with the Lord...Jonah finally obeyed...and then got ticked off again...that's me...I obey for a while then got mad again...I'm reminded of God's words in Jonah 4:4..."do you have good reason to be angry?"...

I think I can be angry about a lot of things...abortion, abuse, human trafficking, injustices, people who mock the Lord or take his name in vain...but I can't be angry if my life doesn't look like I think it should knowing the entire time...I have refused to get myself out of the way and allow the Lord to have complete control of me...to live a life surrendered...

It is taking me all morning to write this post..I just read the book of Jonah...and I'm reminded that not only are my choices affecting me but it has the potential of affecting others around me...I'm reminded that I don't get to choose God's responses to myself or to others...and I certainly do not have the right to be angry with His decisions...

But...I do have the opportunity to respond to Him today...His mercies are new every morning...He holds me in the palm of His hand and He has saved me for a greater purpose than this pitiful existence I have chosen to walk in lately...I have circled this mountain long enough...and if I'll trust Him...He will do great and might things in my life...He wants to...He isn't the one stopping all of this...I am...

Many, many years ago...I learned we all have a trigger in our life that God uses...mine is music...take time to listen to these two songs today...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQmysKhww_I


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ejycllx5iwA

I've purposely not told you what my struggle is...because is doesn't matter what it is...my struggle...their struggle...your struggle...God is bigger than it...God wants to do great and mighty things in the lives of His People...He came to give us life...and to give it to us abundantly...

I will try to blog more as I start new today...I'm am a child of the one true King...the King of the world...

Charli Grace

I remember well the first time I found out I would be a Grammy...I received a set of baby keys for mother's day...and my life has never been the same...we have had 6 sweet grand babies born and each one brings an excitement and a joy that is indescribable!

Michael and Bekah told us just before Thanksgiving that we would be Poppy and Grammy again and can I just say that the new NEVER wears off...we were just as excited to meet number 7 as we were to meet number 1...(and are for number 8 in 6 more weeks!!!)

Michael and Beks decided to wait until the birth to find out the gender of their baby...it has been exciting to try and guess the gender...look at stuff to buy... but...if you know me well...you know I am one curious...okay, okay...nose-y person...can I just say...by last week...curiosity was about to kill this cat...!!!!

Yesterday was FINALLY baby day...and it was a long day of respecting momma and daddy's wishes and waiting to meet...our little new one...but...before I share more...can I just say...the look on my son's face when he came out to the waiting room was pure joy and love!!!! Melted this momma's heart!!!!

Michael and Beks welcomed a beautiful healthy baby girl May 5th...she is a mini me of her daddy...and I anticipate her having him wrapped around her little fingers...I cannot wait to see her again...I wished today I had hourly pictures sent to me...

We want to thank the Lord for this precious baby girl...that His hand was on her this past 40 weeks and on her and Beks yesterday...for giving the doctor wisdom...and blessings us once again...

Meet our sweet Charli Grace...

Sweet Charli...you are loved... 

Sis

Oh my goodness I do NOT know where the times goes...I can still go back to you birth day...clear as a bell...didn't feel great...and I was grouchy!!! You remember the furnace in the old house...I was curled up by it when your dad left for work...he asked if he needed to stay home...I said no...I'm not in labor I just don't feel well...it was my doctors appointment day...and they thought I maybe was in labor...I was at 5 then...and they had me come back at the end of the day...then I was 6...never felt a pain one...they admitted me...dad came...the doctor said he didn't want to be up all night so he broke my water and I was holding you within the hour...!!! Maybe as easy as your delivery was that is where your pain tolerance comes from!!!!

I'm thankful for you in my life and our lives...each one of you kids bring something special and unique to our family...and each one of you makes us who we are as a family!!!

I'm thankful you love Jesus...and Donnie and you gave us those precious kiddos...I thankful you teach...and that you love on the kids at BCBC...I thankful that you extend me grace and mercy...never lose that gift of extending grace and mercy...

I'm thankful you are my daughter and my friend...and one of my biggest prayer warriors...

I pray this coming year is full of excitement and adventure and all kinds of JOY!!!!

Love you Sis!!!!


Mom