Heather...happy b-day today!

Sis,

I'm so glad to spend the day with you today! I love the person you are and the friendship and bond we share as mother/daughter/friend. I hope today is so special today and you will know how loved and cherished you are!

I love you watch you love Jesus and share Him with the twins...and can't wait to see what He has in store for you this next year! I know it will be an adventure because that is what our life with Jesus is! Lifes GREAT adventure!

I pray a blessing on you, know I love you more than I can express, I'm so thankful that God gave you to me....to allow my life to be touch by such an amazing young woman!

I love ya!....mom

it's coming...really it is!

WOW! 2011 will be a year to remember...the snow has been unbelieveable...the long winter ugh...and the struggles we as a family have faced are some of the hardest to date...I find myself very quiet...very withdrawn...not knowing what to think or what to do...spending much time in prayer seeking God's comfort, advice and grace to face each new challenge that is tossed our way...I continue to be amazed how God cares for us...thru all areas in our lives...How people make in thru this life and thru difficult times without the Lord in their lives...I will never understand.

If you know me well at all you know spring is my favorite time of the year...after a long hard cold bitter winter...life returns...things begin to bloom and we see evidence of hope reborn...this spring will be even more a picture of that as life has felt like this long winter as well...the sun is shining bright this morning and it is cool and crisp in the air but it looks like a fresh new spring morning...

We all have our struggles to deal with...some feel much heavier than others, and while in our individual eyes this may seem true we must not compare our struggles...balancing them on scales to see which is the heaviest and hardest to bare...they are all hard to the person struggling thru them...we should, rather, encourage one another on, pray for each other...understand we can't fix it for each other...(that is so hard for me!)...and point one another to the author and perfector of our faith.

I, by the grace of God, get to go to Florida next week for a visit with my girl and her sweet boys(yes that means the little ones and the big one)...I'm so ready to see them...I hope we do nothing but just enjoy the stuffing out of each other! To see my grandbabies...reaching for me...hollering Grammy out to me is just a joy and a blessing...Rylee and Caleb get to do this several times a week and Ayden, Landon and Camden, while it isn't the same, are just a phone call away...Landy called this week to share exciting potty news with Grammy!!!! My kids and my grandbabies are the spring to my life...the hard winter of my past, my mistakes have a new a fresh beginning with my future generations...I pray they learn from my mistakes, they love Jesus with all that they have within themselves and they serve Him for the rest of their days!

One last thing, last night in youth class, I really just wanted to run...I thought class was going to be really tough...we had 29 students last night...and while they were loud... they are really great kids...we have one that is working on writing a song...no words yet but he played his guitar for us...amazing...then the girls lead us in a song of praise...we prayed...asked God to take over...and you know what...HE DID! The Lord had a great lesson for us all...about the different areas...or rooms if you will of our heart...He wants access and control over them all..but if we are honest we have secret hidding places we don't want to give up or reveal...Lord break my heart wide open for YOU!!!

Snow Days...

Well, it is a very pretty and very snowy day here in SW Missouri! We got up to a blanket of snow this morning much to Michaels delight...he has always loved it to snow...and while I will admit that I miss my Florida boys this morning and wish so much they could come and play in the snow with us...I miss having my 4 kiddos home with me...when I was many years younger...getting them all bundled up to go out and play...riding behind poppa or their daddy on the tractor...lots of cousins over...hot cocoa at grandmas...and stew...according to my kids...LOTS of stew...stew for WEEKS...keeping it cool on the porch in the snow...makes me smile at such sweet memories!

I pray today is a blessed day for you...if you are here...you are safe as you travel out and about...I'm thankful for the Lord, for my husband, for by grandbabies...that all just absolutely melt my heart...but today...I'm thankful so much for Cassie, Heather, Michael, Katie...and I cannot forget that I'm also very thankful for my sweet Amy Lynn...and Gastao...I love you all!

New Year, New challenges

Well 2011 is well into swing and with it changes and challenges are ahead for us just as they are for every person reading this post. We have so much to be thankful for as the New Year begins. We have already celebrated 4 birthdays this year! Cassie and Ayden's birthdays are the first week of January...Cassie probably doesn't want me to discuss her age on here so we will just say that she is a beautiful woman, wife, momma and daughter and I am constantly amazed at the growth I see in her life...in her walk with the Lord.

Ayden is 5 years old! It seems like yesterday they were telling us we'd be grandparents for the first time and now he is so big...and changing too! He is the oldest of 3 in his family and the oldest of our 5 grandbabies...he is a funny little boy...I have so many regrets with Michael as he grew up...so little patiences with him...if I'd only known then what I know now and I could see who short that time really was...well Ayden reminds me alot of Michael and so I can see...he is just a little boy with a funny personality...he likes to trick you and he likes to love on you...he will start Kindergarten this year and life will be different for sure! I pray sometime soon we get to hear from him that he has asked Jesus into his heart...I know that seems young but he has always been taught of the love the Lord has for him...so it may be soon and it may not but there will be a party in heaven and one in Missour whenever that time comes!

Finally we celebrated Rylee and Caleb's 2nd birthdays this past Saturday! They have changed so much this year also...Heather made us a video of the last year and I see them every day so I dont' realize the changes until I can stand back and look from the distance...they are funny little ones too becoming more and more their own..very indepentant individuals! Caleb's is usually more loving than Rylee and she tries to be the clown..trying to get a laugh!

Scott's dad, Willie, has be diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma which is a cancer of the blood plasma. It affects his bones. He has been in a great deal of pain. However, the Drs. in Little Rock are working on getting the pain under control and while it isn't gone it is much better at this point. He has not started his chemo yet but we are hoping they will begin at the end of this week. This has been a very trying and difficult time for the entire family. For Scott's parents, his siblings and their families...our children...very hard and yet...God has His fingerprints all over the entire thing! He has amazed us over and over...bringing people into Willie and Linda's path that are obvious believers...providing for their needs...He never ceases to amaze us!

Yesterday He humbled Scott and I so much...our church family took up a love offering for us b/c of the work Scott has missed while in Little Rock with his dad...sometime ago I think we would have been embarrassed but no more...we were humbled...by God's provision and His love...and the love of that little church on one of the hills of McDonald County...that church has been our family from the very beginning...I'm overwhelmed even today when I think of this unfailing love..from the people and from the Lord...

I pray you have this in your life as well...if you don't call me...I'd love to share it with you!

Please continue to pray for Willie as he has a huge battle ahead of him...but it is a battle he will not fight alone!

Cassie

To my oldest happy birthday today! I've never celebrated your birthday that I don't think about the hours you and I had after everyone went home for some much needed sleep since you decided to arrive in the wee hours of the morning...just you and me...I unwrapped you and was amazed that something so perfect and beautiful could be mine! Today is no exception!

How I wish I could spend the day with you but know you are in the foremost part of my mind today! You amaze me at the person you are today! You are an amazing wife, mom, friend and daughter. A woman who runs hard and fast after Jesus Christ. Although you are a beauty on the outside...that is what makes you beautiful on the in side.

There are many things I wish I could do over...however, the lessons I had to learn have helped to mold you into the person you are...things you KNOW not to do!

I know the past few years have been hard but I have watched you grow so much thru this new life in Christ! I love you beyond words and I'm so proud of you! You leave me speechless in your faith, trust and hope! I pray a blessing on you today my sweet, sweet girl!

blah...

I know why I just don't want to admit it...disobedience will do this to me every single time! Wanting things to go my way because that is easier than going and or doing the things God has asked of me...so I walk in disobedience and have the blahs...

and there is no reason...no good one anyways...just listen to how much our God loves us...

He saved us for one!!! Salvation thru His Son Jesus Christ...He has given us each other...we are pretty healthy...we have the things we need and even some added blessings on top of that! Amazing children and really amazing grandbabies!!!!

The honor to be His servants in a church we love like family...we are family there! A year with a Pastor and sweet family that loves us...Loves HIM and desires to lead in a manner that pleases Him...

A six week study that has taught me so much and I pray has touched the lives of our teens and thru the play last night...I pray it also touched the lives of the adults who joined us...

so you see no reason other than...the sin I'm struggling with...I'm failing at it miserably and I want God to just take it from me...like magic...just be gone...and he wants me to trust HIM...please pray for me...again...I just can't be open about it...but I do need so many prayers...thank you family and friends...I love you all!

...and we begin...

It's been a while since I've posted anything...sorry for the absence...I guess I've been thinking many things over in my mind...I must admit I've missed Cassie and her family more the pasted few months...It's been harder now that the first year...sounds dumb doesn't it...but that is how it is...not really sure why...maybe b/c Ayden has started so many new things that I never dreamed I'd miss...like his first day of preschool and his first t-ball game...but that is our life now...Cassie blogged about how different her life looked than she had planned many months ago...and today I'd have to agree...mine looks different than I wanted it to also..with more changes coming I fear...but I know it is God's plan and will and I must and I will conform to HIS will and not mine...that is what makes is bearable...even good...I've learned hard is not always bad...it is hard but that is where I see HIM the most...I trust HIM the most...and I wouldn't trade my hards...b/c HE uses them to change me...change us into the people HE desires us to be...

Since summer we've started a new study with our teens and God is using it in their lives so much! It is such an honor to be HIS servant...The title of the study is "The Bottom Line" and it is so good...it is also...hard...but we have got to start thinking past the end of our noses and see HIS will and again...not our own selfish desires!

We all have had life lessons we've had to go thru...God has been my guide but if I had to label them hardest and counting down...I'd have to say...fighting the sin of my anger...the ordeal our church body went thru...and my oldest moving so far away has been the 3 most difficult things God has taken me thru...and HE did take me thru it...I have experienced joy, peace and when needed forgiveness on the other side...

I now face a new battle...and one I am not willing to share by name yet...but I am scared of failure...scared of the size of battle it is...and the time and effort on my part it will take to beat this demon in my life...God has very clearly spoken to me about this for a very long time...and I believe I'm ready to surrender to HIM...however, HE and I have alot of work...I'm scared b/c before I had Kim to walk thru each day with me...and this time I don't...God very clearly told me Sunday morning...I was to turn to HIM and NO ONE ELSE...that is why I don't feel I can share...and when...not if...but when I'm on the other side of this battle...I'll share...and HE WILL RECEIVE THE HONOR...not that HE hasn't in my past b/c HE has...I believe HE has placed people...godly people in my path to be used by HIM for HIS glory...Kim was and is one of those people...but this time...I've walked with HIM longer...He says to me I AM enough...I again, I'm scared...of failing HIM again...but determined to surrender to HIM...I will not worry about what I will be like one month from today or even if I'll make it to Friday with HIM in this battle...I will take today and face it with my FATHER...then I'll take tomorrow...I CAN do this thru Christ who gives me strength! I'm scared but I'm excited to share with you what HE has done in my life at the end of this battlefield before me...when I share some people will not understand and think it is stupid...but God reveals sin in our individual lives...and this is a sin...He has revealed to me over and over and over again...I will obey HIM or I will stay here and go no further with HIM...and the conviction and the desire to grow deeper in HIM simply will not let me stay here anymore!

I don't know what you are stuggling with...but we all struggle...don't minimize your struggle...or compare it to someone elses....it is yours...you don't need to do anything but believe and trust God to work out all things in your life for HIS GLORY...If you are like me, you may feel you can't do it...you can't beat this demon or fight it...you are right we can't...but HE CAN...HE changed the anger inside me...I didn't...but my part was to be in prayer...CONSISTENTLY...be in the WORD and find verses that applied to my life...to claim...to choose to listen to the conviction and let HIM change me from the inside out...when the battle is done...we will know it was HIM...I want so desperately for HIM to just take it without me doing any work....but I won't learn to trust, lean and rely on HIM if HE does that...and so...HE and I...we begin...