lesson I'm learning...still...again...never ending...

The Lord has been speaking to my heart for quite some time now...I feel very withdrawn and quiet these days which is how I am when He is speaking...sometimes I am quiet because I'm trying to listen and learn...and other times I'm quiet because I'm being rebellious and simply attempting to ignore everything He is saying to me...

This time I'm in between those two I think...although truth be told you can't be in between...you are either obeying or you aren't simple as that! I have lost a grand total of 33 pounds since I've started weight watchers and while that is a success it is by FAR not the success I must achieve to be obedient and to be healthy...and it is by FAR not the success I'd hoped to have achieved 8 full months into this journey...I know the reason I've failed...I want to say I don't, but I do...I want to cry most days and feel sorry for myself but you know...I just can't...it is a simple lack of disciple and lack of obedience...because I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH...

So now what do I do...I keep on going the way I've been going? NO...it must stop...the Lord has spoken to my heart so much the last month...about the issue of sin...you know it is all level at the foot of the cross..so my sin of overeating is the same as murder...it is disobedience to the Father and He cannot and will not accept it...I used to teach abstinence in the public schools in our area...something that I'm very passionate about...and the Lord has reminded me of this sin compared to my own lately...to be pure before the Lord...means to abstain from things of this world...the lust of the eye...well...a girl may lust for a boy of he for her...and I lust for the food I do not need...things that are not healthy or beneficial...if I were to be approached by a young man or woman struggling with the sexual sin what advice would I give them...maybe I'd say don't be alone with the other person, make sure you are never in a compromising position, have accountability all around you...maybe possibly you may even need to walk away from that person...but then there is ME and MY sin...do I have accountability, do I walk away from food, do I make sure I'm not allowing myself to be in a position that my compromise this journey the Lord and I are on? I can have my self-righteous attitude all day but the Lord WILL remind me of my place in light of my attitude concerning others and in light of WHO HE IS!

I have started a new bible study called "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkurst. The Lord is using it a great deal to both convict my and to encourage me...to give me hope...when I was walking through the healing process of dealing with my anger the Lord gave me several scriptures but the first one He gave me means to much because I knew it was the beginning of my healing...I've needed a scripture for this issue as well..."EVERYTHING IS PERMISSIBLE-BUT NOT EVERYTHING IS BENEFICIAL" 1 Cor. 10:23...this by far will not be the only scripture He uses or gives me but this is the start...In Eph. 1:19 it says His glorious inheritance in the saints and His incomparably great power for us who believe...

I have, we have the power to lay down our sin that so easily entangles us and walk in freedom...but we must want and chose to walk in HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER.

I don't know about you but this is my desire...

I've tried to be open about this struggle and it is hard to be...there are things that only the Lord and I will know about it...and there are things I know I need to share...above all I think the Lord would want us all to know that whatever our sin issue is...and we all have them...there is victory IF we want it...we simply cannot say I can never overcome it...that is a lie from the pit of hell...and satan takes great pleasure in us believing that and walking bound up in that. We are doing a studing with Pierced Student Ministries right now and the whole point is Matthew 22:37 Jesus said to him, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

Our lesson last night was on loving Him with all our hearts and how that can even be done...so the question we are faced with is what is more important to you than the Lord...your spouse, children, grandchildren...maybe it's your position in society...maybe it is your career...maybe is an ugly habit you have...and as hard as it is to say...we simply do not love God enough to walk away from it...or we simply do not love the Lord enough to trust Him to gets us through it...

The Lord is speaking....reminds me of the words we heard during our revival in May...Lord speak...I obey.

summers coming to an end...

Well it has been a wild a crazy summer around the Griffith household...we have had huge successes, new people come into our lives...said hello to some and good bye to others...God has been as He always is so faithful this summer! He's grace, mercy and riches never cease to amaze me...I've wanted to write on my blog for sometime now but I've not been able to adequately come up with the words in my heart...not sure today will be the day the words will come either but I'll give it a try....

Back in the late spring a read a book...not a fan and it was amazingly eye opening...we even followed the book up with doing a study with the students of Pierced Student Ministries..I didn't get to finish the study with them b/c of my trip to Florida to welcome grand baby #6 into the world...so I'm sad about that...however it has been on my mind all summer long...when the times get tough do I live my life as a sold out follower of Jesus Christ or am I must a fan of His? Power book if you haven't read it you should...we should live such different lives then we actually do....

I spent the entire month of June in Florida with Cassie, Jesse and the kids...when they moved 3 years ago I feared I wouldn't have a good relationship with the kids...and maybe they'd even wonder who grammy is but they know! I think it is the crazy grammy thing that helps them remember...enjoyed the HECK out of loving on that newborn baby girl and bonding with her her first month of life!

When I got home I had to hit the ground running hard and fast because we had a mission week just around the corner with the youth and since I'd been gone I was behind before I even started! While Scott was with me in FL, we came so so close to just canceling that week...and now we know why Satan was trying to get us to. It was an amazing week...many lives changed...for all eternity...we witnessed brokenness and then restoration...we witnessed young people just getting real and honest before the Lord and again...forever they will be changed because the God's greatness and their willingness to be broken...

The youth, Scott and myself had a 2 day break/rest then we had another week of VBS...which again, God blew us away...we had 52 TEENAGERS come thru our room that week...we witnessed 8 come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior...radical is all I can say...

Our family has also gone thru some very good changes this summer...with the addition of Miss Laney Kate...Born May 21, 2012...she is the 6th grandbaby for us...the 2nd girl! She is a sweet baby and we are ALL looking forward to holding in our arms again! We also have another addition to our family this summer and that would be Miss Bekah Crawford...she and Michael have been seeing each other for several months and she is family to us know...I think we all look forward to the coming months that will make this "official".

Donnie, Heather and the twins went to Canada on a mission trip this summer, Katie and Thomas went on one as well to Minnesota I believe with world changers...up until the the last month Scott has been very busy with work, however it has slowed down alot and we would ask that you pray that God would continue to bless in the work area!

I've seen amazing and been a part of some amazing things this summer...some are the kind that just make you set and say WOW...some are sad and hard to understand but all amazing...knowing that God is completely in control...

However, I do have one huge confession...I started a journey...in January and I said then I'd make it public for more than one reason...to bring honor to the Lord...to use it as an avenue so that I can have some accountability in my life and lastly so that thru my struggle, hopefully, someone else will be helped...I've failed this summer...I continue to fail...I don't have a reason or an excuse...please pray I still have so very far to go and I desire that my temple of the Holy Spirit be healthy... 

Everyday Heros...

Parents...when our kids where little (or may while your kids are little) don't you kind of love it when you know they are looking up at you, and you are absolutely the biggest hero in their sweet little eyes...oh, them memories...does a parent's heart some good...but I've found a new truth that I LOVE...

I have 4 amazing birth children...and a few that I didn't birth but love them like I did...and I'm older now...no comments please...you I'm finding that they have turned into MY heros...

My kids are not perfect by ANY means...let me count the ways....no I won't do that!...but they have each one proven themselves to be my heros as well...

I could tell some of the ways but they are private...we had the summer from H E double hockey sticks as one of them so loving called a time in our lives...we had breakups and breakouts...we had hard hard hard times...and really good and sweet times too...we've loved each other thru them and in them...we held each other accountable...and somewhere...somehow in the middle of all this stuff we call life...I looked one day and I realized I have some amazing adults around me...people I'm proud to call my own...but my friends too!

Some of them are proving that as we speak...being heros again to me...walking with integrity during a time the world would say...well never mind what the world would say...but Jesus Christ would say...keep your eyes fixed on Me the author and perfector of your faith...that makes them heros in this momma's eyes...

how about you...got any hero's in your life this side of heaven...I'd love to hear about them....

Scott

Not only is today Michael's birthday but it is Scotts as well. He is 50 years old today...and he is ALMOST as big a kid as he ever was! Can I just say this year doesn't look like I planned it to 20 years ago....we had him a surprise 30th birthday party and during that time we made a time capsule and said we would open it when he turned 50...the kids all wrote letters to him in it to say what they wanted to be when they grew up...and now here we are 20 years down the road...and you know...our kids have their own lives...CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT! The nerve!

Back then I had 4 under the age of 9 and I couldn't imagine days without them under our feet! But the day has come way to fast and they are all so busy...but you know...it's good...it's all good..they each one love the Lord...they are serving Him in many different ways...They have witnessed a consent steady of a man after the Lords heart in their daddy...he has always been just who he is...take him or leave him...he just loves Jesus...and he loves his family.

I dreamed about him last night...Cassie and I were driving (this is the dream by the way) and went past a parking lot where we were to meet Scott and we drove up...he didn't see us and he was singing "you're all I want...you're all I need...you're everything...you're everything...." and the tears were just streaming down his face...then he looked up and saw us...he just got up and started to the car...I turned to Cassie and said that is so your daddy...he just loves Jesus so much doesn't he...then I woke up...but you know...that is just Scott...he does love the Lord so much...

It has taken us, me a long time to understand that the closer he gets to the Lord the more he can love me and in the last year he has gone above and beyond to make me feel loved and cherished! We were so very young when we got married...too young I think...and we've both changed so much...Scott has matured (some anyways) and learned to not just ask Jesus in your heart but how to live daily with Him in your heart...to have a very personal relationship with the Lord...he has always loved us...his family I mean but he loves us different now...I can't put that into words but it is different...it feels...like a fresh walk by the riverbed...

I love him so much and we have been apart now for almost a month...I look forward to seeing him...I pray his day is blessed...

I love you...Beth

Michael Scott

Today my son is 26. He has grown from the baby boy I dreamed of into a man I'm so proud of! I've only been gone from him 2 birthdays his entire life and for that I'm thankful...I know many are gone from their loved ones every birthday.

We have witnessed HUGE chances in Michaels life this year! God continues to stretch him and grow him as he leads out in worship each Sunday morning. When he starts to share his heart I see so much of his daddy in him...makes me so happy because if he can love Jesus like his daddy loves Jesus he will be a mighty man of God!

He has excelled at his job this year...he has learned that it is a good thing to LIKE what you do even if you don't Make what you want to! He has shared many lessons with us the Lord has and is teaching him...

He lost someone so very special this year...she was his special somebody that is for sure! Since he was a little bitty baby until the end she loved him so much and he did her too...if you don't know her..she was Maw maw...she prayed everyday after she found out I was expecting that it would be a boy...and she had such a special place in her heart for just him...he paid respect to her at her funeral by singing for her...he had a very hard time...but at the end of the day he came to me and said...you know mom I know she is OK...and we will see her again...that is the legacy she left behind and I pray that will live on thur him and his future family too!

He also found someone this year and I have NEVER EVER seen him the way I see him now...he has it BAD and I LOVE it...I pray this next year is full of greatness and joy and happiness for him and for her! I pray that God will be the center of their everything and I pray he will continue to seek the Lord in all his decisions!

Some know our story and some don't...but I must say I've had such a hard time forgiving myself of my past with the kids...and I have worked hard to find forgiveness for myself and in their eyes...and for the first time...(not saying this is how MICHAEL felt...this is how I felt), for the first time I feel I can walk in forgiveness in his eyes this year...our relationship is...stronger...better...and I'm thankful to be him momma!

I love you Michael...
mom

Walking in Jacksonville and other lessons I'm learning

Well JD, my pastor should enjoy the HECK out of this post...I just want to share a few things I'm learning or atleast being reminded of...

1. I miss my husband when we are apart...makes me appreciate him so much more...and while I don't like time apart I think it is good for us to remember and appreciate each other just a little more than...well than I do...he is way better at that on a full time bases than I am...

2. We went to the Building 429 concert last night and had a blast with some sweet friends and was very entertained by the sweet moves of Ayden Parker Ball and Mr. Parker Rammage...but the sweetest thing about last night was watching a lady mentally challenged worshiping the Lord...She was in her wheelchair and she was praising the name of Jesus...they also spoke about sponsoring children in a 3rd world country so they might have food, shelter, an education and an opportunity to hear the Gospel...she also raised her hand for that as well...about a year and 1/2 ago...at a concert, they also started sharing about sponsorship...for the first time EVER I noticed how we as the crowd in general stop listening...it is apparent we stop...we talk, we move we are just plain rude...needless to say our youth group has sponsored a child for...that's right 1 1/2 years now...anyway...I thought last night...we all have so much...from our health to our free education to starbuck money...and the lady in the wheel chair...heard...and responded...such a sweet picture of love...

3. I love my grandsons but they make me tired because...yes...that's right lesson number 3...I'm getting OLD...

4. in the midst of the crazy life down here...the Lord is giving me quiet times and He is giving me words to right...as I work on some devotions for our teens back home...

5. and the last one...this is for you J.D Arnold...our pastor is...well let me just say it as kindly as I can...he is a city boy...and he is a little...again...how do I say this...scared of things in the country...not all things mind you but cows with rudders...field mice who like to live in his house...you know country life things...and he is teased beyond words about this...my husband and son being 2 of the biggest pests...and while he may not "like" everything about country life he takes it well...you know I think he can survive b/c he can do ALL things thru Christ who gives him strength! Well I tell you that b/c the Lord taught me a lesson today also about my fears of "city life". I was walking again today...and this WILL be the LAST Saturday I walk while in Jacksonville...every large dog in the city was walking today and I didn't like that...then I past a guy on the bench at a bus stop...and I thought...I can't believe I'm confessing this...I thought he was dead...and so I...walked a little way away and I called...you guessed it...I called 911...I was to afraid to touch him...but I SWEAR his eyes were rolled back in his head and I thought he looked...stiff...so I called...needless to say...he finally moved before they dispatched anyone to come to the crazy country lady in the middle of the city...as I passed him I got such a cold chill literally from the top of my head to the tips of my toes...so I didn't call until I was far away so I know he didn't hear the call...then after a LOOOOOONNNNG time and I calmed down a bit...(you know I tend to over react)...I almost got tickled because I thought there is NO difference between me being afraid of a guy sleeping at the bus stop than there is of JD being afraid of the cows...we are just outside our elements...

6. and finally...It's just simply a different way of life here!!!

Joy comes in the Morning...

Scott went home on Saturday...it was a hard goodbye...as always...we NEVER say goodbye to our Florida family that I don't think of my brother Steve and his sweet wife Patti who live on the other side of the world...and the goodbyes that they have to say...

The boys are still asking for Poppy but they are trying to understand that he had to go back to MO so he could work..

I've struggled a great deal since I've been here with my WW...and a few weeks ago, while still home, I had a weight gain and my leader said that night to us all...if we are honest we know why we have gained...and if I have to be honest I know why I've struggled...I'm choosing to not walk with discipline...I was praying yesterday and the Lord brought to my mind...yet again...Lori when it gets hard...I will be your strength...but YOU Lori must trust that strength...and YOU Lori must walk in the discipline of that strength...

So as I met with the Lord this morning...I was amazed once again at His goodness and His mercies...they are new every morning...

I have the honor of doing a Bible Study while I'm here...I'm still not sure if I'll join the group just yet or if I'll just do it alone but I am so looking forward to getting back to a study...I'm loving my morning time reading but I need the study as well...

I'm so enjoying the kids while I'm here...they are so full of energy..let me say that again...SO FULL OF ENERGY but they are amazing to this ole Grammy...and little Laney Kate is growing like a weed...yesterday she was 2 weeks old and she has surpassed her birth weight...she is now 9 lbs 1/2 oz and has grown 1 1/4 inches already!!! She is a good baby and for the most part very content....she is patient with her brothers because they will not walk thru the room without a hug, kiss or as Camden says I have to pet her...and she tolerates it very well...

I will be here another 3 1/2 weeks and I want to soak up as much as I can with them and be thankful for the time the Lord has allowed...I'm thankful for the lessons we've ALL learned since this whole Florida adventure started...what exactly are some of those lessons...well for me...

I've learned the Lord loves my kids way, way more than I every could
I've learned the Lord does NOT need my input on their lives...
I've learned to appreciate ALL of my family more
I've learned I can STILL be a grammy from miles away
I've learned there  are good people everywhere
I've learned that one person...like Mark Lay...(and others too!) is the reason God moves us...
and most of all I've learned to trust my Lord more and more everyday...to peel my fingers...one by one...off of things that I cannot change, fix, manipulate, cling to or selfishly keep for myself...

I can close my eyes and still see the moment Mark walked the aisle and there will always Mark's in our futures...are we ready???

So I walk up this morning to joy...joy in the morning...have a blessed joy-filled day my sweet friends!