A-M-A-Z-I-N-G...morning...

I had the most amazing quiet time with the Lord yesterday morning and I just now FINALLY got a chance to set a write about it...whether anyone every reads this or not I want to write these because I know there will come a day that I will need to be reminded of this lesson the Lord is teaching me...

I started a new study last week called "Stuck" by Jennie Allen. I was working on it yesterday and I came to a question..."Do you love God?' and I answered yes because that is true I do love Him...however, I could hear Him as clear as day whispering in my ear...yes I know you do...but Lori, do you TRUST Me? I don't know if I've ever really thought that out or walked that out...I was dumb founded that God would speak so clearly to me and scared to answer the question really...you know? Because...if I were honest probably not in all areas of my life...then the most amazing thing happened...I turned the page in my workbook and this is a portion of what I found...

...and in asking us to do this, God is asking us...

DO YOU TRUST ME?....(do you think He was getting my attention...if He didn't have my full attention on page 43 He FOR SURE had it now on page 44...)

Do you trust Me when I ask you to step out on a limb?
Do you trust Me when what I'm asking cost you something?
Do you trust Me when obeying Me is excruciating?

I've taught over the years...do we let God have access to all areas of our lives...the hidden places...where we hid our sin we want to hang on to, or we choose to hang on to...or the room that is our special place...and if you lived my life...you'd think I deserved that place too...just to let your hair down...relax...again we deserve it...

But what God spoke to my heart yesterday was more than that...the first thing that came to my mind was Scott and my family...God asking me do you trust Me with them...believe that I know what is best for them and I've only loaned them to you...

You understand that by saying I trust Him...that means no matter what happens...I will trust Him...do I...can I...

well...I believe I can...I want to...I will choose to walk this trust thing out...learning each day to trust Him more and more...Don't get me wrong, there are areas in my live that I already do TRUST HIM!!!...but there are other areas that I want to keep a tight hold on and say...Lord it's Ok...we're good...He doesn't desire that...He doesn't deserve that...

Jesus said that He came to give life and to give it abundantly in John 10:10...I will never experience this abundant life Jesus came to give to ME...if I don't trust Him with everything in my life and all OF my life...so today is a fresh new day...as I begin a journey of Trust...

I think maybe I'll be humming this song today...

Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus...

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know "Thus saith the Lord"

Chorus:

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
Just in simple faith to plunge me
"Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I'm so glad I learned to trust Him,
Precious Jesus, saviour, friend;
And I know that He is with me,
Will be with me to the end.

I pray you learn to trust Him as well! What an amazingly mightly God we serve!


 

...no to us...but to YOUR name be the glory...

Today Scott and I celebrate 31 years of marriage! I am so thankful the Lord gave me this man that I have shared life with. Life has been so hard at times we thought we might not survive and so sweet at other times that I would find myself wanting time to stand still so we can just stay in the moment!

Some of my favorite moments over the last 31 years...our first summer together of marriage...until now...that was all the alone time we had...sweet memories...the look in his face right after we were married and I was so sick...all I saw was love and concern and I still see it!...the look on his face as we discovered we were pregnant (each time!)...our drive to the hospital with baby number 1...it was a good excuse for him to drive like a stock car racer!!! After Cassie was born...he made a stand with me...he told me, you can come to church if you want...but Cassie and I are going...I want my kids in church...this was the first time I knew how serious he was about this "church thing"...watching him learn to call heather, heather and not michelle...was quite funny...but you probably had to be there to understand that...maybe that is why he just called her sis!...the look on his face when we saw michael was...a boy!!!...then the looked for months afterward on his face as Michael screamed if his dad tried to have anything to do with him...looking out the window and seeing all 3 of them working beside him on the weekend...stacking wood...thinking they were all such big helpers!...one day he said...but I thought YOU wanted another baby...I said well I thought YOU wanted another one...so we better be CAREFUL...oops to late...and along came Katie...and I think even her siblings would agree with us when I say life would have been just a little boring without our Katie!...his face as he baptized Cassie...the only one he had that honor to do...there was an event that happened in his life that God used to make him serious about the Lord and the message of the Gospel...watching him go to the house of one of his friends on a friday night...knowing the house would be full...and what was going to be going on...and sharing with that friend the Gospel...that friend as far as we know still doesn't know the Lord...but I KNOW that friend has great respect for Scott still to the day...because he knew Scott was being REAL and sincere...that was a turning point in the life of Scott...never to be the same again...the look on his face the day I was saved...the period of time we both learned what a relationship with the Lord really looked like...it goes way beyond...church and church activities and responibilities...it is everyday...we walked that journey together...the "time of hell" in our home...a time I caused but he loved me thru it...still after all these years amazed at that...thankful to the Lord and to Scott that we came out the otherside...bruised and battered but still standing...together...and I think stronger...the day he told me Jesse ask him the "question"...and the day Donnie and sis came to us...and the giggles we have gotten from the the day Thomas finally got around to asking the "questions"...thankful that we have 3 godly son in laws we call our own...and that they all respected us enough to come to us...the look in his eyes as he gave each of his girls away...as he has held each of our newborn grandbabies...and not to long ago with all of the 5 older ones on the four wheeler with him...the pride I see in his eyes as he looks at the man Michael has become...and the way he gives Bekah a hard time...makes me know she is truly one of us!!!!

He loves to joke, pick and play...he brings joy to so many...not just me...he is a good man and I love him so much!

I have ww tonight so last night he made me dinner as we drank ice water from our "fancy" glasses...he got me some flowers and a sweet gift...but more than anything...I find that we just enjoyed our time together...talking...learning about each other still...learning to be just the two of us...I remember there was a time we BOTH were scared to death of that coming day...because all we ever talked about were the kids...so what would be talk about when they were gone???...but we talk...we listen...we are learning...and you know what we kind of like it!!!!

Happy anniversay to the kindest man I know...thank you for loving the Lord more than me...because that allows you to love me the way it is suppose to be....thank you for being "excited" for a baptist...thank you for hoopin' and hollarin' when a salvation takes place...when a life is changed...for rockin' beside me in church every sunday...for giving me 4 amazing kids...for sharing Mikeah, Amy and Gastoe with me...here is to our future...may be have another 31 together...I love you

Beth

Cassie...

Well the dreaded day is here in just a few hours!!!! The big 30 for you this year and we won't even talk about what is number is coming my way this year! I cannot believe you are 30 years old...I know you are amazed at how fast the years are going with your own children...you get just a glimpse of how fast they are going for me!

Last night I spent the FIRST night alone ever in my entire life I think...no husband...no kids...not even any grandkids to keep this old grammy company...a picture of our future with everyone out on their own now...and it seems that I should be yelling at you guys telling you to get to bed and get to sleep you have school the next tomorrow and you won't want to get up...but then I realized that somewhere along in there...I blinked...ALOT...because you not only are grown but raising kids of your own!!!!

I've said it before but I'll say it just one more time...you have amazed me this year how you have supported your husband...stayed faithful to the Lord...desired for the boys and now Laney Kate to see Jesus beyond anything else in this world...I know you don't know it...but there are many people who see this in you and admire the christian woman, wife, mom, friend, daugther and sister you are...I tease you because I think someday when they are grown the kids will make fun of you because you made them say the happy heart thing...just like you all tease me about the "in light of eternity does this matter" thing...but I also think they will be glad you taught them that just like I believe over all you guys are glad we used those words on you!...but you live that out...in light eternity the character you show WILL make a difference in the lives of those who are watching and those you are walking with...in light of eternity you make a difference...keep it up!

I love you so much...so thankful you are home again...for a season of however long...I'll take it...I'll soak it up and I'll attempt to never take you or your siblings for granted again!

I pray you feel how loved you are today...your special day from every single directions...from the Lord...Jess, the kiddos...family and your sweet friends...

Beks....

Now mind you that is NOT what I call her...that is Michael's sweet words for her...and we love her so much...Bekah came into our lives just a few short months ago but it feels like she has been part of our family for ever and always...I think that is because God had it pre-destined for her to be one of us! I usually write for my kids on their birthdays and b/c I've been so quiet lately I missed Bekah's birthday...So Bekah...forgive me being a slacker...

While you already fit us...we are still getting to know each other and it is exciting to learn new things about you...

you are an amazing young woman...the one...we've prayed for, for 26 years now...the one that will complete Michael as he walks thru life as a man pursing the Lord...I see that you encourage that in him and for that I'm so thankful...I can't wait until I look into his eyes as you walk down the isle to his arms and become his wife...just so you know...even though he was giving you a hard time in the kitchen last night...I saw a glimpse of that look in his eyes last night as he looked at you...I pray you see it every time you look into his eyes...during the times of you guys being ooey...gooey together, the times you are tired together and even the times you are frustrated with each other...

some things I've come to love about Miss Bekah Crawford...
-her love for my son...
-the confidence she gives Michael
-her ability to love her future nieces and nephews
-her ability to just come in and be one of us
-the fact that she will just come in and flop on my bed like my girls do
-the way you squeal with excitement
-the way you match Michael (being a tight wade I mean!)
-the way you care about the education you are giving to your students
-your joy
-your love for bible study
-the way you look at my son...

Happy belated blog written birthday sweet girl...let the wedding count down begin!...
love ya,
the REAL one (inside joke)...

...out with the old...and in with the new...

It has been sometime since I've blogged...the words have simply not been there...I have been quiet with most people in my life lately...my husband, my kids, my Lord...my friends...I have...for lack of better words...just tried to disappear...feeling lost...scared...frustrated...and other emotions that are there too!

When I started weight watchers the first of the year...I said I'd be open and honest...even vulnerable...and I think I have been some of the time...and others...I just don't talk about it!...I did great the first 5 months of the program and I have struggled the rest of the year...it has been hard...old habits have never really been broken...it's hard...I like for people to tell me how great I look but I hate to be the "different" one having to eat the "different" food...so needless to say for 7 months...it has been the same 5 pounds up and down....the one thing I HATE to hear when I go to my meetings is...if you gained weight...if you are honest with yourself you probably know why...and truth is...YES WE KNOW WHY...OK!!!!

Well the same is true in my walk with the Lord...when I feel distant from Him...if I'm honest with myself...I've walked with Him long enough now...that I know why the distance is there...and THAT my friends is where I've been the last few months...there is a HUGE gap between myself and my Lord...and I am miserable when I am there...and yet...I allow it...I wrote a letter to my pastor and his wife a.ka. my friends...and asked for prayer...she promptly wrote me back saying she was praying and added a few self check points to the email...and all 3 points she added I needed to remember b/c they all three are my problem...1. no daily time with my Lord, 2. sin (keeping that one to myself thank you!)...but still there and 3. she asked me if my priorities where in check...and of coarse NO THEY are not!...and while I needed that reminder...to bring the truth I already knew to the front of my mind...it still felt like I was in a fog...until yesterday...I really wanted to just stay home yesterday...I was emotional and I knew if someone was nice to me I'd fall apart...and UNFORTUNATELY we go to a very NICE church...so there were lots of tears on my part...then we began worship...and I felt the Lord's presence so clearly...we began to sing the song "Offering" and we sang..."there is no shadow...in Your presence" and like a ton of bricks...the wall I'd built around myself was crushed...that was it...I had been in the shadow for months now and in the shadow...I can't feel His presence! In the shadow is darkness and when Satan can keep us there he robs us of the Lord's presence...a place I allowed myself to be...so now...I begin the journey back...yet again...to the safe arms and presence of my sweet savior...I'm so thankful that He purses me...I'll never understand it...why He does it but I'm forever and eterally thankful for it...again, I say...it is real...this relationship thing with the Lord...He reminded me of it yesterday as He pulled me back...and today as I read in Joshus...Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you...So I need to be gettin' myself ready...thank you Lord...
Offering...amazing song...

thank you for the reminders...

What a glorious Sunday it is today! The air is cool and crisp in the beautiful fall ozarks! Reminds every season...that life moves on and we must follow it...

I have the honor of leading another ladies Bible study this fall...it is called "Get a Life" and I thought it would be just a simple "beginners" Bible Study...however, it has been a very good...personal study and I'm so thankful the Lord directed us to this study...how we found this study is a complete story all in it's own...for another day...

This week we are learning that a busy life does not mean a full and abundant life...and do you want to know how my week has gone...well class is tonight so...I did 4 of the 5 days yesterday morning and the last one this morning...so can we say busy and unfocused? The main focus of this weeks study is to have an eternal perspective...one question that I've pondered now for many hours...what is a reward I've earned that I've found pride in...as a stay at home mom...other than a certificate for the homeroom mom over the years...I haven't received "those" kinds of rewards...so my thoughts were on other rewards...those that I believe as much as we can take them with us when we leave this earth...I will...so my favorites:

     The song Michael wrote and sang for me on Mother's Day...only he and I
     can truly understand the deep meaning of that song...

     The honor and trust my daughters allow me as I keep my grandchildren.
     again, only a few can understand why this is extra special to me...

 And another...today as I sat in class and listened to my husband pour into 27 teens...why you might ask...well...wow...what an honor...and also...I just had memories flood my mind of Emmanuel Baptist Church...I counted 27 in the youth room today, which is the old santuctary of the church...when the church begin 22 years ago...we had 23 people...that is men, women and children...God is so good!

God showed me this verse also this morning...Ps. 89:15...

¹⁵ Happy are the people who know the joyful shout;
Yahweh, they walk in the light of Your presence.
What a picture of the bride of Christ...if you read this most likely you know the man I've called mine for almost 31 years now...he knows the JOYFUL SHOUT...I'm thankful for the Lord...my salvation...my husband how gets it...really gets it...what life is about...what is important...what our purpose for being here is...the Lord has used him in so many lives...but none more than my life and those of our children and now our grandchildren...

Then we had an amazing worship service this morning...I've learned to appreciate the older hymns...many people have ugly attitudes about the "new" worship songs and I don't get that...but I'm guilty at times of having the same attitude about the "old" hymns...but just think about these words...

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:
be thou mine inheritance now and always;
be thou and thou only the first in my heart;
O Sovereign of heaven, my treasure thou art.
I'm overwhelmed today by HIM...I don't deserve HIM and yet inspite of all that..inspite of myself...He loves me anyway...

 

 

Reminding lessons...

Reminding...that is what God is so good to do in my life...remind me of who He is...and reminding me of who I am not...reminding me of His great love and His great mercies that are new...and fresh every single morning of my life...if only I will trust it and walk in these truths...

I have a sweet friend and mentor that I love more than words could ever say...she has walk beside me thru...literally my darkest days...she reminded me of a story in the Bible...the one with great pain and loss with little answers...at first...Lazarus...she reminded me...both sisters said...Lord if you had been here this wouldn't have happened...you know at that point in their life...it just didn't look like they dreamed it would...they hoped it would...they prayed it would...and yet all along our Lord knew EXACTLY what He was doing...for the GREATER glory...for the glory of God the Father to be seen...

What in your life is the greater glory of God that WILL be seen...honest answer...most of us probably simply do not know that yet...it is a scary question...because will it be something we recognized immediately or not...is it something that will be relatively painless or will be be agonizing? Will we walk through it willingly our will we fight it ever step of the way...

The Lord brought another reminder to me today...we were singing how great is our God...ending the song with the chorus to "how great thou art"...and I was overwhelmed with emotion...emotion for my sweet family seeking answers...guidance...overwhelmed with the fact that I am a walking testiment to His hand on a life...

As a very young child...not raised in a christian home...I had the priviledge of going to church camp one summer...and I bought the sheet music to "how great thou art" (still have it)...I was probably about 10 years old...I was reminded today of a young 10 year old girl laying on the picnic table in her backyard...thinking of those words...

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

I remember thinking how there must have been something so much bigger than I could every see or image in my little world...something...that I now  understand was becking me...

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.
Something or someone who had made all this that  I could see with my 10 year old eyes...I didn't understand it at the time...but it absolutely facinated me...

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.
never got this then...but oh the thought of this now...makes me fall to my knees in thankfulness...knowing I received it but not understanding why He would offer it...

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
and finally...if this doesn't make you want to jump a pew then you have got some SERIOUS issues...I try to image this...as hard as I tried as a 10 year old child to image the "bigger" picture then...something beckoning me...and something I long to see...but will not fully understand until I see it...

 

I had 100's of  images of my life flash through my mind this morning as I could see myself lying on that old picnic table...to where I am today...my wedding day...my babies being born...my salvation...my struggles...my hope...Through Christ...my ministry...friends...family...loses...gains...victories...life...my life

 

and so...I find myself pondering all that He has reminded me of lately and while I don't know what the future holds...for me...for us...I do know WHO holds the future...I know that He loves me, us, no matter what, I know it is ultimately about Him and not me,  and THAT is the reminder that will get me through the night...into tomorrow and into the future...thank You JESUS...