blah...

I know why I just don't want to admit it...disobedience will do this to me every single time! Wanting things to go my way because that is easier than going and or doing the things God has asked of me...so I walk in disobedience and have the blahs...

and there is no reason...no good one anyways...just listen to how much our God loves us...

He saved us for one!!! Salvation thru His Son Jesus Christ...He has given us each other...we are pretty healthy...we have the things we need and even some added blessings on top of that! Amazing children and really amazing grandbabies!!!!

The honor to be His servants in a church we love like family...we are family there! A year with a Pastor and sweet family that loves us...Loves HIM and desires to lead in a manner that pleases Him...

A six week study that has taught me so much and I pray has touched the lives of our teens and thru the play last night...I pray it also touched the lives of the adults who joined us...

so you see no reason other than...the sin I'm struggling with...I'm failing at it miserably and I want God to just take it from me...like magic...just be gone...and he wants me to trust HIM...please pray for me...again...I just can't be open about it...but I do need so many prayers...thank you family and friends...I love you all!

...and we begin...

It's been a while since I've posted anything...sorry for the absence...I guess I've been thinking many things over in my mind...I must admit I've missed Cassie and her family more the pasted few months...It's been harder now that the first year...sounds dumb doesn't it...but that is how it is...not really sure why...maybe b/c Ayden has started so many new things that I never dreamed I'd miss...like his first day of preschool and his first t-ball game...but that is our life now...Cassie blogged about how different her life looked than she had planned many months ago...and today I'd have to agree...mine looks different than I wanted it to also..with more changes coming I fear...but I know it is God's plan and will and I must and I will conform to HIS will and not mine...that is what makes is bearable...even good...I've learned hard is not always bad...it is hard but that is where I see HIM the most...I trust HIM the most...and I wouldn't trade my hards...b/c HE uses them to change me...change us into the people HE desires us to be...

Since summer we've started a new study with our teens and God is using it in their lives so much! It is such an honor to be HIS servant...The title of the study is "The Bottom Line" and it is so good...it is also...hard...but we have got to start thinking past the end of our noses and see HIS will and again...not our own selfish desires!

We all have had life lessons we've had to go thru...God has been my guide but if I had to label them hardest and counting down...I'd have to say...fighting the sin of my anger...the ordeal our church body went thru...and my oldest moving so far away has been the 3 most difficult things God has taken me thru...and HE did take me thru it...I have experienced joy, peace and when needed forgiveness on the other side...

I now face a new battle...and one I am not willing to share by name yet...but I am scared of failure...scared of the size of battle it is...and the time and effort on my part it will take to beat this demon in my life...God has very clearly spoken to me about this for a very long time...and I believe I'm ready to surrender to HIM...however, HE and I have alot of work...I'm scared b/c before I had Kim to walk thru each day with me...and this time I don't...God very clearly told me Sunday morning...I was to turn to HIM and NO ONE ELSE...that is why I don't feel I can share...and when...not if...but when I'm on the other side of this battle...I'll share...and HE WILL RECEIVE THE HONOR...not that HE hasn't in my past b/c HE has...I believe HE has placed people...godly people in my path to be used by HIM for HIS glory...Kim was and is one of those people...but this time...I've walked with HIM longer...He says to me I AM enough...I again, I'm scared...of failing HIM again...but determined to surrender to HIM...I will not worry about what I will be like one month from today or even if I'll make it to Friday with HIM in this battle...I will take today and face it with my FATHER...then I'll take tomorrow...I CAN do this thru Christ who gives me strength! I'm scared but I'm excited to share with you what HE has done in my life at the end of this battlefield before me...when I share some people will not understand and think it is stupid...but God reveals sin in our individual lives...and this is a sin...He has revealed to me over and over and over again...I will obey HIM or I will stay here and go no further with HIM...and the conviction and the desire to grow deeper in HIM simply will not let me stay here anymore!

I don't know what you are stuggling with...but we all struggle...don't minimize your struggle...or compare it to someone elses....it is yours...you don't need to do anything but believe and trust God to work out all things in your life for HIS GLORY...If you are like me, you may feel you can't do it...you can't beat this demon or fight it...you are right we can't...but HE CAN...HE changed the anger inside me...I didn't...but my part was to be in prayer...CONSISTENTLY...be in the WORD and find verses that applied to my life...to claim...to choose to listen to the conviction and let HIM change me from the inside out...when the battle is done...we will know it was HIM...I want so desperately for HIM to just take it without me doing any work....but I won't learn to trust, lean and rely on HIM if HE does that...and so...HE and I...we begin...

To Katie

20!!!!! So now I guess I'll agree you are one of those "a" words...(calm down everyone I mean adult) she was just never allowed to say that in my house!

You have been and brought great joy to this litte family! You may not know it but I was trying to get pregnant with you...then one night...sorry just teasing you..no then one night your dad said I thought you wanted another baby...I said I thought you did...we better start being careful! But God...(there are those words I've come to love) knew we needed you and much to our surprise I was already pregnant...you did whoever make me the sickest of all your siblings! Yep...I think I started throwing up before I knew and I did the day you were born and everyday in between!

You are such a funny person! You have the ability to bring laughter into a room and make it contagous! You know, I've told you many times you are one of my heros! (just as your brother and sisters are)...to watch you walk with the Lord...to trust Him so much at such a young age...that makes you a hero in this momma's eyes!

I look forward to seeing you future play out before us all...to see you marry...have your own family...to serve the Lord beside your husband...to teach you childen about the Lord...You know really the truth is that you, Cassie, Heather and Michael are the ones who taught me...sorry it had to be that way but so thankful that God's grace in you lives was big enough for you to be able to do that...Know these things, I love you so much, I'm proud of the WOMAN you have become, I'll be your biggest prayer warrior (besides your daddy) and...as long as I'm living my baby you'll be!!!! You have a fantastic day sweet girl!

summer times...with the great I AM!!!

Well summer is almost over and what a summer it has been. We have been so busy since we got home from JAX in July! We celebrated the 4th with a thrown together party at our house but it was a good day and night and we had the best firework display yet!

Jesse and Cassie brought their youth group to Missouri to minister to the area...and I believe all those closely involved will be forever changed. We saw God do amazing things...in the lives of the kids they taught...in the lives of the people they visited...in the lives of our teens and in the lives of theirs! It was one of the most powerful weeks I've ever had the privilege of being a part of...We had kids saved during the Day Camp they hosted...we witnessed one of our own teens ask Jesus into her heart...we witnessed a few others just nailing down somethings in their lives...and we witnessed the bonding of our own youth group. That was something that needed to happen so we can work together...Friday night they hosted a youth rally. We had great hopes for it...we invited 4 other churches to join us...and not ONE came just EBC and ABC that was it...but God knew what He was doing...we had amazing worship...then Jesse brought the word...it was a powerful service with one of the JAX students being saved as well! The students then began to share testimonies...around an hour of young people sharing what God is teaching and leading in their lives...amazing!!!!!! We were sad to see them leave but excited too so that all involved...their teens and ours could begin walking what God had been talking to them all about!!!

We went STRAIGHT into VBS at the church the next week...we had a youth class this year for many various reason...but the main one being that again...God knew what He was doing...We started the week with 14 teens and ended the week with 31! We saw 5 teens accept the Lord! What a week! Again, lives have been changed forever!

During this time we also got to spend some sweet time with Cassie and the boys. Jesse went back to JAX and was gracious enough to share Cassie and the boys with us. So we had almost 3 full weeks with them! (total) It was great! I love them so much and miss them more than I can put into words...but the most fun (if I had to categorize it) was getting to know Camden better...he obviously doesn't know us as well and we don't know his personality like we do Ayden and Landy's so that was so good. He is a very good baby who likes to laugh and tease. He plays hard and when he plays to hard he falls asleep in his food! Ayden keeps us in stitches and Landy has the most precious smile..it will just melt you like butter...loved again watching them play with Rylee and Caleb...love seeing all 5 grandbabies together!

Michael and Katie went straight from VBS to Children's camp along with a few others from the church...JD and Heather being some...next to the last day Heather fell and broke her leg and ankle...a very severe break that has since required surgery...praying for her recovery as she sets in her chair and listen's to the Father!

Michael and Katie then came home and the next day took Cassie and the boys home and spent a week with them...everyone is home now but I won't say it's normal...don't think we know normal anymore...but that is good!!!!

God has taught me many things this summer...to many to put into words I think....but I can say I doubted many things and He has shown me once again just how Good, and gracious and faithful He is! I've fasted from facebook the past week..it has been one of the hardest things I've ever done..I knew I was addicted but had no idea really just what an idol it had become in my life...yesterday I told Scott and the kids...Monday...I'm setting my alarm at 5:30 and getting up to get back on FACEBOOK...then today the Lord VERY clearly said...you never seem that excited or determined to spend time with ME! OUCH...pray for me...I want to be that sold out and passionate about HIM...tomorrow is a new day with new things in my life...I would ask for you to pray for God to have HIS way in my life and not me having mine...

Until the next time...here are some grandbabies of mine...

Seashells...

Well I'm home for Florida...and again it was to short of a visit but a very sweet time with our sweet daughter and her family serving Jesus there in that beautiful city! We celebrated Camden's first birthday while there...he has grown into a very handsome little toddler! He is walking everywhere now and beginning to talk...and chasing hard after his big brothers.

This trip Heather and the twins joined us along with Nanny and Gigi...this was the first trip for each one of them...I think they enjoyed the trip as well...there was a stomach bug in the house when we arrived but we loved on each other anyway!

Along with the b-day celebration we got to take the kiddos to the zoo one day and to the beach another day...all were good times with lots of sweet memories...I must admit my main thing I wanted to see...was all 5 of my grandchildren playing together...and boy did they...we had some adjustments to make but all in all...5 kids, 4 and under in a house for a week...did GREAT!!!! They are all so very precious to me...almost all can same some kind of Grammy now and I love hearing them say my name and more than that reaching for me...wanting and letting me love on them!

Camden enjoying his birthday cake!

on grammy's lap...so happy????

at the zoo

all 5 playing together


It was a good trip...I even did all the driving which if truth be told...it is again just a sign of my "control freak" personality...But I must say...I have yet to see my Jacksonville family that God hasn't taught me something and He has done that again...I'd like to share with you...praying God will use this in your life...as we played at the beach...Ayden had told me he and I would get some seashells off of the beach...but he got busy playing and forgot as did I...then just before we left I noticed how many there were right there in front of me...I began to pick them up walking down the beach...God began to speak...He is continuing to teach me to take my hands off of all the things in my life I'd held onto so tightly...all the things that to a degree I could be a control freak with...my husband, children...even my life...but He reminded me that He has other plans for our lives...beautiful plans if we will let HIM be in control...and that may mean He will scatter us as the seashells were scattered along the beach...but He has a purpose...a beautiful purpose...for some lost soul to be in just the right place at just the right time to see one of those seashells...for their lives, their paths to cross so He can change another life...and another...and another...so I picked up several shells and I've placed them on my table with the pictures of all the grandbabies...because I want them to serve me as a reminder that I must be willing to let God take them were He desires...for His greater glory...oh, and I know the waves will come and go...some to wash us clean and others hard and scary at times...but all under the control of the Father...I don't think this time the lesson was just about again...taking my hands off of the kids...(all the kids) but also to take my hands off of my desires and dreams...I think He is trying to teach me that I must let go of my life...lay it down and pick up His cross...follow Him...daily...a verse I've used recently...may it be my lifeline from now to eternity..."So I said, Here I am...send me..." Isaiah 6:8b...what is the "seashell" in your life that you need to surrender? I love you all...

Jacksonville-One Year Later...

Well, we arrived safe and sound! It was a long trip but the twins did awesome! They were very content expect for the last hour and a half...so we have NOTHING to complain about! We did have to stop in Morrilton AR to have the air conditioner repaired on the van but 2 hours later and near as much money as it could have been we hit the road again!

Cassie and the kids met us at the door and they all came to us pretty well! It has been crazy to say the least with 5 kids under the age of 4 around here! On top of all that Cassie and the boys have had a bug and now Heather has it...praying no one else gets it! The visit has still been good. They have moved into a house now and it is very cute!

They have been here over a year now...I find myself wishing I could hate this place...but I don't the people here are amazing. The have loved my kids like their own! They even have some friends who love the boys just like aunts and uncles do. I'm so thankful for these relationships they have made...friendship that I believe will last a lifetime...now matter what!!!

It is late so I will close...will post again after we get home and I can add some photos~

Scott and Michael

In just a few hours it will be their birthday! I love both of these guys so much! God has blessed me with a fantastic husband. He loves me and I can have confidence in this...a gift that is not always true in life...He has worked so hard over the years for our family. He loves his kids and grandkids like nothing that can be explained. I have had the honor to walk beside this man now for 29 years (that counts our dating year). I have watched him go really from boy to man, handling lifes challenges one at a time as they came our way! He has fallen in love with the Savior over the years...with a passion that he refuses to let die! Thank YOU Lord for that. He has allowed the Lord to stretch and grow him until it hurt and there were many times it was a painful process...but he made it thru...a man and his God...and I get to be a part of that...

24 years ago...Scott would tell you he got the best birthday present ever...our son...now that is not to say he loved him more...just to say that a child...our child was born on his birthday...truth be known it's a good thing he liked it because he hasn't gotten much since due to the fact that we've had bicycles and dirt bikes to purchase on this date! I think most people would agree Scott is a good son, brother, grandson, uncle, father, poppy, husband and friend...but I know he loves all those titles...each one carries so much for him in his heart but the ONE thing he desires to do and do well...be a Christ follower...and he does...I love you more than I could ever but into words!

And then there is my son...not a boy any longer but a man...with opinions of his own and bold to share them! Most of the time that is a good trait in him...He knows what be believes and stands firm in it...even if it is offensive...I wish I would be more that way! He has had much to deal with in life...dad being gone alot as he grew up... in a house full of girls...but he has turned out pretty darn good if you ask this momma! I can depend on him when Scott is gone...he likes to torment me alot but when the chips are down he takes care of his mom...I had a lady tell me once, if you want to know how a man will treat his wife...watch how he treats his mom...Michael will be a great husband...I look forward to see just what God has in store for him in the future...he graduates college in December and so the future is wide open for this young man...things I love about Michael....well...I love to watch him play with his nephews and his neice...I love to hear him and Katie laughing and teasing each other, I love the way he loves Cassie, I love the way he stood with broad shoulders for Heather when she needed him, I love the way he looks at maw maw, I love when he makes me stuff in his shop...he takes such joy in surprising me..and others, I love the way he saves and waits (not always patiently but waits just the same) for things he likes but most of all I love to watch him worship the Lord...to follow as he leads us to the throne to worship our King...to my boy...Happy Birthday...I love you...mom

Summer begins 2010...

Well, it's been a while since I've posted and we are in full swing of summer and all that goes with that around the Griffith house! Katie and I are both babysitting this summer...so let's just say some days are CRAZY!!!! But, to know that God has give us the privilege of being part of their lives is cool (most days).

I will be leaving for Jacksonville on June the 24th to once again join our oldest girl and her family for a special birthday...Camden Isaiah will be 1 on the 26th! This time we will be traveling with great grandma's, an aunt and a few cousins! I can't believe they have been gone one year...and the things I've seen God do in their lives and ours during this year are...priceless...there is no other way to describe it!

Revival was an amazing time at the church a few months ago...but since then I've feel like I've been swimming out to sea (sorry to much finding nemo at our house!). But for real that is my way to describe the place I've been in...to be honest am in...but over the years as I've walked with the Lord...I've learned many things...many truths that loving people and a very loving God have poured into me...so during this time...I'm choosing to hang onto truths that I KNOW and not walk in the way that I feel...the TRUTH is if I'll seek the Lord, If I cry out to Him...He will hear me...so though I feel alone...like He is not here I cry out to Him, I will be in His word, I will talk with Him through prayer...and do you know...the most amazing thing...He IS answering me...He hears my cries...I bought a bible study book several months back...for this summer...I got it because I thought I'd might do one alone this summer, it was by an author I knew...Nancy Leigh DeMoss and mostly because it was on the clearance for $6.00 so I could afford it...the name..."Seeking Him"...God knew all those months back that I would need the words and scriptures of this study today! He loves us so much and He can see the big picture...He knows us better than we know ourselves!

So if I could encourage you in anyway...I'd say to you...don't trust your feelings...they WILL lie...they will sell you short...trust the TRUTH of God...He loves you...He desires to be our everything...He truly is all we need...one of my prayers this past two weeks has been for me to return to my first love...but then God revealed to me...have I ever allowed HIM to BE my first love...so do I pray to return to it...or experience it for the first time in my life...Lord, give me a passion for YOU that cannot be quenched!

If you know me at all...you know that I am a terrible worrier. My pastor was teasing me the other day and he said I worry about what to worry about...and boy has God used that simple statement...truly said in fun to open my eyes to the fact that I have got to start trusting Him...but today...this is what the Lord said to me ...worry and anxiety are expressions of pride...Lori in your life...and God cannot use prideful people...ouch! That one hurt...I know worry is a sin but I didn't think of it as pride...what is pride? Setting self over God or His power...so duh...worry...is setting everything up as if God is not in control...He has me engraved in the palm of His hand, He covers me like a momma hen covers her chicks with her wings...under the shelter of His wing...with that HOPE what do I need to worry about or fear!

As you can see...still learning many life lessons...but I wouldn't have it any other way...this is what reminds me of my desperate need for the Lord in my life! I pray He will still teach me things at 90!

What is God teaching you now...I'd love to know

Surrendered

Happy Mother's Day 2010! What a great day it has been around this place. My day started with a "survival style mother's day hunt" The kids all went together and got me a swing to set in the yard and grow old in...rocking my grandbabies in...the twins and I like to set and swing...and let me just say I know 3 special little boys that will getting their own swing time with grammy come july!!! Cassie called this morning...I must confess I really knew she would! So I was waiting for that phone to ring...I miss her like crazy and though we both tried to hide it from the other...today was hard without seeing each other face to face...but hard doesn't mean bad...just different...We've almost had all the "first" behind us know...they've been gone from here 11 months now...WOW...but God...have I already said I love those words??? He is faithful and good! They have seen many things good in their ministry there, lives changed and more importantly eternities changed...that is what life is all about!!!

Surrender...that is the message I heard from the Lord today in church...JD had an amazing message from the Lord...I'm trying so hard to open the palms of my hands and say here it is Lord...take it all...it's really Yours anyway...never has belonged to me...surrender everything and everyone...trust Him to lead my lives, my husbands, my childrens...my friends and family...

The mother/daughter banquet was Friday night and the message was amazing there as well...a reminder that there are times we are to sit and there are times we are to serve...and both seasons are for a purpose...the challenge is to know when to sit and when to serve...

My grandbabies are getting to big! Our Ayden will start preschool in the fall and I can't believe it...I still remember the christmas before we was even conceived...thinking...I just wonder if this is the year that will change our lives... and boy was it!!!! Landon is talking more and more...today when Cassie called I could hear him talking with his daddy and I COULD understand him....oh our little landy...then twins are starting to also talk...mimick and FIGHT with each other...today their parents told us...you won't think is funny in a few more years...but really now it is! and then our little camden...is almost walking according to mom he is taking 4 steps at a time now...not that he means too but he is...I hate missing his firsts...but I WILL be there for his first b=day in a few weeks! Looking forward to precious time with them and travel down with my family...

our next few weeks are very busy...gastao will be going thru graduation and then he will be going home to brazil...he will be greatly missed around here!

this side of revival!!!

Well...it has been an amazing week...a week full of difficult truth to hear, absorbed and begin to apply to my life...We had a fine young man come to share God's truth with us...we would highly recommend this young man. It is obvious that he loves the Lord with a passion we don't get to see nearly as much as we should see...beginning in our own love for the LORD! His name is Richard White.

We began our week with a very special night of prayer...I think that is the last I shared here with you...then the next time we were challenged with the questions...did we REALLY want to be in the Presence of the Lord? Would I call my desire for His presence desperate...a daily reality or a Sunday formality? Very challenging...you know the quick "church" answer is of coarse I want to be in God's presence but the reality is...I see very quickly who I really am in His presence...because I see who I am in light of who He is...

The next night...The cost to Follow our God...the number one truth I go this night is that Jesus is not suppose to be number one in our lives...which is what I always thought it was suppose to be...He is not number one...He is to BE my life...He isn't and add on to our lives...He is to be our lives...Am I willing to crucify my comfort to follow Jesus...everyONE and everything must be surrendered to Him and I must love Him more than it all...again...allow Him to be my life...am I willing....do I REALLY want this??? Something that occurred to me today as I was writing this is...they say sin will take you further than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you ever intended to stay and cost you more than you wanted to pay...could the same be said about your lives sold out to Jesus...am I willing to go as far as He calls, stay as longs as HE desires and give up what He ask me to give up...again...my life and all in it~

How do we approach God??? With clean hands and a pure heart...the hands are the outward things...what other people see and know about us...the heart is the deepest part of me...truth...the hands reflect the heart...Jesus always addressed the heart matters...why....because if we get the inward right it will fix the outward...Does my heart reflect my words and actions...God does NOT exist for me...I exist for HIM...God's ultimate purpose is NOT to save my soul...it IS to bring glory to Himself...I pray thru saving my soul He is glorified~

Last message...but NOT the end of my revival...it is on going...Consider your ways...again we are talking about matters of the heart...personal priorities...worship of one affects worship of all...and the sin of one affects the worshipo of all...worthless working and pointless pursuits...the american dream...we work but we don't purse the presence of God...Jesus can't be number 1 on my life...He must be my life....required repentence...repentence is rooted in the knowledge of what my sin has done to the heart of God...it is not guilt...so what will I do...

Surrendered my whole heart to God...know that He will require a great deal from a surrendered heart...I'm I a little scared...yes but my fear is greater to continue in disobedience...

The beginning of revival...

Just some thoughts...we are beginning our first revival at our church for many, many years. Everyone is so very excited. We have had prayer meetings for the past few weeks and we have already seen revival in hearts begin to breakout. I've been so very surprised at the number of people who have never been part of a revival! We have one gentleman in our church who was saved as a small boy and he just retired and he has never seen a revival...I think my prayer for him, me and our entire church is that we don't see revival but we experience it in a very real and personal way....

Last night be began the services with a special prayer night...our church, Emmanuel will be 20 years old this summer...it was birthed thru some pain, confusion and much prayer! Over the years God has done great things there, taught us great and might lessons...some not easy to learn...but I would say because we prayed...we knew the importance of seeking Him before decisions were made...and then we lost that...we forgot our first love maybe...but we stopped seeking Him in the little things first then even some or several of the big things...I think I can say over the past year we have been returning to the call to prayer...God has been reminding us HE is the one we need to seek...BUT last night I was so very humbled, blessed, amazed as this sweet time of restoration God gave the body of Emmanuel and myself as a member...He is the ONE who needs to be our guide...I believe God began something great last night and I'm so very excited to be a part of this time...

I would ask you to join us in prayer for Michael as he leads us in worship, Richard White as he brings the messages God lays on his heart and for each person that will come each night. I know that satan doesn't want this week to happen so pray that each of us will be able to look at things or people that irritate or just plain make us mad or upset...that our battle is NOT with flesh and blood...the word tells us in Eph. 6:12 "for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms..." We must hang onto this truth and the truth that we do have an enemy who whole purpose is to steal, kill and destroy...it is so easy to be on a spiritual "high" if you will but then the first time we get "bumped" then we fall from that mountain top time...it's so hard to see things this way according to scripture...but it is truth...our battle is not with flesh and blood...our enemy will throw things our way be on the alert...and then we will be able to hear and apply what God has for us this week....my last prayer now is that in 5 days I will have great and mighty things to share on my blog concerning this week...until then...

Oh Glorious Day!

Well, Easter 2010 has come and gone but it was a beautiful day! I prayed the night before that the Lord would wake me up early to see the sunrise...we didn't have a sunrise service this year (which I was so fine with) but for some strange reason I wanted to see it this year...so...He did...He woke me up and I sat on the back porched and watched this amazing sunrise...hope for a new day! That was probably a first for me...to even care enough to get out of bed and see the sun...but I wanted to meet with THE SON!

This was another first for me this year...the first real holiday without all the kids here...but in His graciousness He allowed it to be a holiday that isn't about us anyway....it's about HIM...We had a sweet day in the Lord's house with good worship and a good Word...then off to the in laws for lunch...and home again to hide eggs with the twins...and play a game of cards with good friends and family...in Florida God filled several days of activities for them as well...coloring eggs, a day at the beach (we tease them about suffering for Jesus there!!), egg hunt then yesterday they had church and an afternoon with a sweet family that loves them like their own! To say it wasn't a little sad would not be honest because it was but for the greater glory...you know???

The Lord is teaching me so many things right now...some lessons are still very hard...I have seen the old temper sprout up again...I hate it but He is there convicting me of it...learning to focus on Him and not this life...or my surroundings OR the way I feel in any given circumstance! He is also teaching me that my focus is on way to many things and or people...I've always wanted Scott to be my best friend...the one I could talk to...but God is teaching me that Scott is to be #2...HE wants and deserves the #1 spot...He wants to be the first one I run to and talk to...another thing He is teaching is to pay attention to the details of His word...I read but I miss sooooo much because I dont' take the time to see the small details...the things that at times teach us the greatest lessons...I cheat Him and I cheat myself by not slowing down and paying attention!

We are well into ladies bible study now and God is really doing amazing things thru the study in my life...revival is one week and one day away to offical begin at the church...and I am SOOOO very excited...I believe God is already beginning revival in our hearts...and I cannot wait to see what He has...may we be willing and ready...for me the words of this song say it all...I'm personalizing it for my life...I confess, I've lived in sin....please show Your power once again!

Ayden is still having a hard time being away from here...last Wednesday was really hard for him...BUT Wednesday night a teen in their youth group was saved...so my prayer for him...for all my kids, grandkids and the generations to come that I'll never know...is that we see again, God's greater picture...if Jesse and Cassie had chose to disobey...to stay here...that teen may have never surrendered their life to Christ...we are studying Esther and the words...For such a time as this comes to mind...we must be willing to be uncomfortable...because...who knows...God...enough said...God, the beginning and the end...Love you all...until next time...have a blessed day....

Jacksonville, Florida

Well..here we are!!! We have spent 5 glorious days with Cassie and the boys! We have been shopping...gone to Landy's 2nd birthday party, church (and watched an amazingly talented 4 year old sing!), and had great fellowship with the kids Florida family! We have 2 days left and I do dread the big goodbye but am so thankful for the time we are having!

The boys have changed so much in the time since we've seen them and yet they are so much the same...funny boys that are full of energy! Ayden is for sure a big boy now and does not like to be called little...he is a great big brother most of the time...he is so smart...he has painted me some artwork that is wonderful!!! Landon is still very small...but he is so funny! He is starting to say more and more words and one he has gotten down this week is poppy much to my saddness! He does attempt to call me "crazy grammy"! He had a great b-day and we got to witness many people to love not only him but all my boys!!! That is such a gift we get to see...then there is Mr. Camden...who is changing of coarse the most...since Christmas he is screaming!!!!!!!!!! setting up, crawling, pulling up and babbling words...mostly dadadadada...he is so big and still smiles so easily...

Well just wanted to share a bit of our week...I'll have pictures next week when I can plug my camera into my computer...until then...

2 weeks and counting!

We get to go see our girl and her sweet boys in Florida 2 weeks from today! I'm very excited to see them. While we are there we will celebrate Landon Ryan's 2ND birthday! He has been such an added blessing to our lives...he is a little spit fire and I think he attempts to run circles around his momma but he is a blessing...our lives are forever better because we know him...There is also a hope we will get to see Ayden sing in the preschool choir while we are there! One of the hardest things about this sweet family living so far away is missing these little things that we all take for granted if we live close to each other...then the other thing we will see while we are there is baby Camden crawling now...going everywhere I hear...since we've last seen him...he is sitting up, crawling and from the sounds of things from when I called the other day...he is finding his voice! I just want to sit and enjoy 6 or 7 glorious days with them...soaking up every minute I can with them...maybe even sit on the beach one afternoon with them...

The twins had their 1 year checkup this week and they are doing well except again, Rylee is underweight...she has plateaued on the chart...(she is actually off the chart) so we are busy pouring the calories to her...I would ask that you please pray about this...she really does have a very good appetite but she doesn't drink...milk, water, juice nothing really...and this is the problem the Dr is saying...other that that they are both good...Caleb out weighs her by 7 lbs! he is walking a little and she is just a tease!

I asked a question last week to my friends on facebook and emailed the question to several people and was amazed by ALL the answers I got...but I realized that I didn't give my answer...the question..does uncompromising faith make life "worth it"...well a week ago I'd have said YES...very easily...this week I'll still say, scream YES< YES< YES but I will also say it doesn't make life easy...this world is a hard place to live in at times....Oh don't get me wrong there are times...days even that man, life is so good...you get the warm fuzzies almost...you love the people in your life...at my age...you experience grand babies and just let me say they are like nothing else you've ever experienced before...these days can I say my uncompromising faith factors in? Well, yes and no...yes because I believe, for me, it is part of how I am...but no because I could just find joy in these people and circumstances God has so graciously blessed me with and thru...the other days though...the hard days...because we struggle with this thing or that...or days when our hearts are broken over the evil and violence in this world...in people, or who we love so much but we simply cannot make them see the "Hope" that is there for all mankind...those are the days that I must say...without this uncompromising faith I'd be lost...those day when if I had to think....if this is all there is to life...I'm done...I can't do this anymore...but then faith reminds me, keeps me going knowing that my time here is temporary and this is JUST the beginning...that there is more to it than me...it's not about me...it's about my Father in Heaven who loves me like no other...who hates the evil and injustices way more than I could ever! People would say...why doesn't He do something about it then...because if He did...free will would be gone...what is love if we don't have the free will to choose or not to love Him. So with free will comes choices, some choose a love for God...a sold out life to Him, for some just passing thru this world...good people...put no hope beyond this life here on earth..and for some...evil and violence...and ALL...no matter our choice...God loves ...sent Jesus to die for us...it all comes back to our free will to choose...so again...for me...without uncompromising faith...it's not worth living...BUT with it...I can appreciate my loved ones more and can face the hard days better knowing that I am not nor will I EVER be alone...IN CHRIST ALONE MY HOPE IS FOUND!

I'd ask you to join me as we pray for each other...for strength to walk this faith out..I heard from people who have walked thru really bad things...lost husbands to terrible accidents, children dying, sickness and from others who spent the largest part of their lives living for themselves or for others...and now they can say...without any doubts...faith, uncompromising faith is worth it all...

I can do all things through Christ how gives me strength...have a blessed day...

things I need to learn...

Well, today may very well be one of those days that I'd like to say...Lord I WILL always love you but I want to just hide from this world...I listened to a sermon online last week and the preacher was talking about faith...he said something that is so me! He said...how many times in our lives do we say we will trust the Lord and pray...only to be found guilty of yes...being on our knees but...worrying! That is me...I worry about my kids...always wanting to fix all their struggles...and stressing out because I know that I can't...stressing out that at some point in our youth I'll lose Scott in some tragic way...knowing TRUTH in my heart that is a stronghold from the enemy...worrying that I've done something wrong to hurt one of our teens in their walk with the Lord...worry I'll cause the blemish on the body of my precious Savior...and the sad truth is I have done that very thing...

Now I KNOW truth...I know this fear and insecurities is an attack from the enemy of my soul...I must choose to walk in truth...keeping my eyes fixed on the Lord...this is what I must learn....

still small voice

I've been quiet on here are a while now...I've been struggling with...I'm not even sure...life in general...my walk with my Lord...trust...obedience...and satan hit me this week in an area I can say that I had pride in...an area I trusted and took for granted...I've been quite scare to be honest with you...it is not a struggle I'll probably ever share in words with anyone but my husband but...it has been a scary place and if I'm honest I'm not sure I'm out of it completely but I DO know that IF I choose to keep my eyes on my heavenly Father I will get thru this...

With that said...I know we all struggle in this life...and this side of heaven...those struggles with continue to come because we have a sin nature in us and because we have an enemy of our souls who desire to steal, kill and destroy...he is real and we must be aware that he is BUT we must also remember that he has already been defeated and makes a loud noise sometimes but Jesus Christ is our defender...

God has already been speaking to my very soul the past few days...but tonight I listened to a sermon I wanted to share with you...I don't know what life has brought you this week but I hope this message will bring a reminder to your soul that God has a greater plan and lesson than what we can see with our eyes...


http://sc.fhview.com/sc_customplayer/seriesitems/1/117666
(a heart to seek God)

may God's word bring healing to our lives...

The men in my life...

Well, God has blessed me with the best husband ever! I was gone this summer with Cassie for one month as we waiting on our 5 grandbaby to arrive and then stay a few days to help her adjust to the added family member...baby Camden...who is such a sweet baby boy..always happy and smiling...he is another added blessing to our lives that is for sure!!! Anyway, that month apart from Scott was eye opening for us both...I think God used that time to makes us aware to just what he has given us as a couple...a love that, after almost 28 years of marriage is truly genuine...it has taken us a lifetime together to finally learn that and then have that...not that we haven't always loved each other...but when life steps in and it gets hard...and God pulls you thru...then you understand genuine...we missed each other like crazy and learned to appreciate each other more...then when I came home Michael and Katie were gone to Germany for a month so...we got a picture of what our life will be like when they are all on their own...as a young mom I feared those days...I thought...what will we have in common and without the kids what in the world will we talk about...but you know...it was good and as bad as I fear the unknown of a completely empty nest...I look forward to those days for Scott and I...

My brother, Kevin, is a huge part of my life as well...there is 6 years between us...with him being the much OLDER one...and as we grew up...I was a little...bratty to him and needless to say we really didn't care much for one another...but one day I think we were both pleasantly surprised to find out that we love each other very much...he and Betty are more precious to me that words can express and I've watched God do amazing things in their lives...in many ways Kevin is a hero to me because the chances of us meeting God after a certain age drops...(that doesn't mean it's impossible...just drops)...and he beat the odds!!!

I spoke of my son and son in laws in the last post...so I'll just say...they continue to amaze me...each of them are very different and yet there is one scarlet thread that they all hold in common...the blood of Jesus...ties them together...

but now for the true reason for the post...the fathers God has place in my life...my Dad...has not been the greatest...although...I've heard enough stories in my lifetime to know he is by far not the worst either...he loves Kevin and I the very best he knows how...he was just never shown the best way to love...but we both pray for the Father of love to meet with him (for dad to beat the odds too) and for him to experience true love the for the first time in his life...however, with that said...I've learned over the coarse of the past year with dad that I care for him much more that I thought I did...and while growing up was hard...I'd do it all again...without regrets because my past God has used to make me into who HE desires me to be..so I'm thankful...no regrets...and I've stood by to many family members graves...knowing as much as another human being can know...that I'll never see them again...I don't want that with or for my dad...so I will choose to love him...isn't that what love is anyway...a choice not a feeling...and I will do my best to share Jesus with him...and so today God I say thank you for my dad...

However, their are two other men in my life that I couldn't be who I am today without and that is my step dad, Tucker and my other...extra dad, Harold...they are two of the most special people in my life...all three of my "dads" have given me a scare with their health this past year...my dad with the prospects of prostate cancer, Tucker with a stay in the hospital and worrying with his heart and Harold...with his heart and Colon cancer...I've learned to appreciate them so much more...These two men have taught me a visual picture of how God "adopts" us and joins us into His family...I know they love me and I know that I am their family just as much as those who they love and share a blood line with...I am a better person because of them and I neglect to tell them this...all my parents, my mom, tucker, dad, Harold and Jonell are all getting to the age I need to realize age is creeping up on them...Harold is the one in the hospital now and I've struggled yet again with the fact that...truth is I'm just not ready to face this with anyone of them...and I will NOT walk around in a constant state of fear because that is what the enemy of my soul would want...then my eyes are not place on the Throne of the ONE who IS in control...but I will appreciate them more...hugs are not my thing and if you know me you know that well...but I will try to hug more...and like the times I have with my children ALL together...soak it all in...thankful and grateful for these very special people God chose to place in my life...I didn't just get them...with tucker came my brother Steve and sister Karen and now Debbie is back in our lives...

So I'll end this post with a great big thank you JESUS for those people you place in our lives...those you planned to be a part of the tapestry of our lives before the foundation of the world...for those of you who I haven't spoke of today...and there are many of you...I love you and though hugs are not my gift...I'm sending one to you today...

2009,,,a memory

Here I sit...January 1, 2010 and the house is way to quiet! Cassie, Jesse and the boys left to go home about 2 hours ago and we have no noisy little boys running around the house. I could think of the year past and what we have learned thru the year...but I've shared it way more than most care to hear it this year! But I will say this has been a year like no other...

I have seen God move this year in such a HUGE way! I am amazed that He cares enough about us to allow us to be a witness to His majesty and greatness!

I've shared so much this year already so I just want to say thank You Lord for Your grace to go on...and for those of you who know me best you know ALL that I'm speaking of...

I've found myself looking at my family and friends and wondering just what this new year has for us! I believe it will be an exciting year to come with many great adventures...

I pray that I will learn to run the race with endurance this year and be willing to say whatever and where ever Lord you desire for myself and Scott....we will say Lord here we are...send us...

I'm also thinking that I mostly right about the girls and I forget or neglect the men in our lives...I'm thankful for them...for my son in laws who are like sons to me...for the fact that they both love my daughters very much and most of the time I can see that love they have for them in their eyes...(and when I don't I think it is b/c they are acting like their momma)...they both love the Lord and desire to see their homes under HIS Lordship...and for my son, Michael I am very thankful for...he takes good care the things around here when his dad is gone...I have a friend that says if you see how a man treats his mom, that is a good indication of how he will treat his wife...she will be cared for...He has made a decision for the Lord 2 weeks ago and now we watch his true walk begin...I can't wait to see this adventure...and for my husband...I love you! He is a godly man and a good man...he leads us in the ways of the Lord. he is a good husband, provider, father and grandfather...he is a great friend and a man that runs hard and fast after the Lord...

to you all I wish you the happiest of New Year...and pray blessings on you....