Tambourine in the Dessert...

Long story...but just let me say...I WILL be purchasing a tambourine...please no peaking in our windows when I'm home alone with the Lord...because we will be doing some worshiping together! I had the honor of going away to a conference this weekend with my girls and a few ladies that I didn't really know...and had an amazing time! God spoke to my heart and now He and I have some hard work to do together! As worship started yesterday morning I was mesmerized once again by the sign language ministry! I know the people there who needed it had to have "felt" the beat of the worship through the drums that were being played...can you imagine..."feeling" in your soul the heart "beat" of the worship! As I was glued to that scene, I thought...as deaf believers in Christ...the first thing they will EVER hear is well done good and faithful servant...welcome home child! Oh, the thought of that makes me want to be shout God You ARE GOOD!!! Beth Moore taught out of Exodus 15, Numbers 12 and Revelation 15 primarily this past weekend and she taught on Miriam the sister of Moses. God spoke so clearly to me this weekend in a new and fresh way. One thing she shared with us is that...Nobody appreciates deliverance like those who've nearly been destroyed! Oh, the life cry of my life personally!...This life is a battle and if we just sit...we will be slaughtered...but...if we are fighting we are tired, sweaty, bruised and battered...may we, I, never forget...our God is closer and mightier than we have the capacity to imagine! As the children of Israel got to the other side of the sea they celebrated and Miriam lead the women in worship and dancing...do I have something to dance about? (Oh...YES I DO!) But then the wilderness came...(and it will come!) and lots of years she had to wonder God...what happened...so the next question I had posed to my...if I can't see a mighty work of God for 40 years...will I remain faithful to Him...trust that He is still there...He is still on the throne and He is still God...as American Christians I believe this is a very real possibility...will I stay faithful...I pray that I will...but until we are in the desert I don't think we can get to arrogant and prideful to say I will do this or I won't do that... Oh the joy of this statement..."I may not be where I'm going...but I am NOT where I used to be"...thank You JESUS!!! I cant' find the words to express all that God spoke this weekend... I also had the unexpected opportunity to share my testimony concerning our familys past...I wasn't planning on it so it took me by surprise but I knew once again the Lord wanted me to share...so I did...every time I do, I must battle the enemies desire to remind me how I failed my children and Scott and I have to battle giving into the emotions of feeling unforgiveable, and yet I'm learning that I have freedom from this past in Christ and in Him alone...but as I shared it this time...I was reminded how hard that time was...what a battle for months and months it was...even when I was finally broken...it took so loooooooong for us to rebuild from the damage my anger caused us...and while I can say I am (and yes I am) free from the guilt now...we still see signs every now and then where we have some damage control to deal with...it was hard...and God did a miraculous thing in my life and the life of my husband and the life of my children...and we stand today as a family unit because of our Savior! However, my Savior did not blow fairy dust in my face and "poof" it was gone...I was forgiven that quickly...I repented...and "poof" as far as the east is from the west my sin was removed...but then starts the daily...changing of a habit...a habit of, well...I don't want to go there this morning but the daily habit of my past sin...so I had people beside me that called it what is was...SIN...and there were days...I wanted to walk in it more than I wanted to walk with Jesus...because to be honest...some moments that seemed easier...(a lie from the pit of hell!). We need people to love us enough to call our sin, sin. I also learned to claim scripture during this time...when the old habit wanted to take over I would quote a scripture over and over until I knew I was hearing and obeying...I later learned what I was really doing was using the Word of God to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ! So today I have this other struggle that really has been life long but God has really been speaking to me about it for the past probably 10 years...my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I do not treat it well...He has helped me through so far, but it hit me this weekend that this problem is the same...it is hard...like the other one...I want the godly fairy dust blown in my face and "poof" no more struggle...and I DON'T want to change me from the inside out...but God said to me this weekend...where is the change in that, and how will you continue to learn to trust Me if "poof" it's gone with not effort of you relying on me to get through this...so the battle begins today with the Lord as the head of me! Please don't misunderstand me...with this whole "poof" thing...when we repent...truly repent "poof" we are forgiven...and even some struggles are gone that quickly...but other times, a lot of other times, once the forgiveness is given from the Lord...the work begins to daily learn to trust Him and seek Him as we walk day by day through the victory... I know in light of many other struggles this will seem silly to some if not most...but the fact is it is sin in my life...God has convicted me of it for years...and it is time to call it what it is...My name is Lori...(I've never said this opening before)...and I'm a food addict...Lord teach me to love you more than life, family, church and food...Lord...teach me to hunger and thirst for You and Your righteousness... I must say...the fact of the harsh matter is...what in our lives do we want more than Jesus...maybe it is success, money, fame, a relationship,...dare I say it...sex, food, family, purpose, approval in the eyes of others...Jesus IS the only thing that matters...Jesus and what we do with Him...think back to how this started...maybe we've been blinded by the sin of our lives, or maybe we have turned a deaf ear to the Lord...Oh, that we hear well done good and faithful servant...will we be faithful...even when it costs us something...maybe even everything? "The Lord is my STRENGTH and my defense, He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I WILL praise Him...Exodus 15:2"...and so I will pick up a tambourine...and I will dance before Him...in praise and worship...with my husband and my grandbabies...and He will help me to overcome this monster in my life...like He helped me to trust and fight a monster before in my life almost 15 years ago now! with my past, with the last few months with our family...and for our future...listen to the words of this song...because that is what life is about...Him and Him alone!