the battle of my will

Scott taught a lesson a few weeks ago to our students...he asked them..."who does Jesus love"...their response..."Jesus loves us"...yes but more than that Scott taught them...Jesus love YOU! Jesus loves Ashley, Jesus loves Hannah, Jesus loves Jacobi, Jesus loves Justin...and on and on he went around the room...that is such a simple truth and yet it is HUGE!!!...this week I taught on the washing of the disciples feet...and again...as I pictured my Savior washing each foot...including the feet of Judas...the love He has for us all humbles and amazes me...even when we reject Him...then again, yesterday in class Scott taught on Jesus' eyes meeting Peters as he denied the Lord the 3rd time...and he asked us what we felt when someone just starts looking directly into our eyes and most of us agreed that we feel uncomfortable...at the end of the lesson he asked everyone to close their eyes...and picture...Jesus...looking at us straight in the eyes...immediately (even in my mind's eye)...my eyes dropped...I could NOT do it...I could NOT meet the gaze of my Savior...because I fail Him so much...I am so unworthy of those eyes...and yet...all the words I've heard the last few weeks came back...and I could "see" my Savior gently raise my chin...looking straight at me and saying I love YOU...for no other reason than because I simply...do...I love YOU... Profound visual lesson for me yesterday...but you may be asking why share that?...because so much of the weight I lost is back on...and I know that I must be obedient to the Lord about this and I simply am not...that is a lot of the reason I couldn't look at my Savior...because of my disobedient heart...because I want food more than Him...and yet...He loves ME...He reminded me of that again today...you see I am very nervous today...and I bought something I should not have in my house with this battle...with the justification...I will feed it to the kids...but nervous eater that I am...well...you get the picture...right? and as I was debating with myself to indulge in even more that I already had...all of the sudden I felt His hands on my chin again...gently raising it up, looking me right in the eyes and saying...whether you eat it of not I love you...and I finally had a victory...you see, because I know also, I love Him too...and my disobedience put Him on that cross...so finally I met his gaze...and I found strength...courage...will power...whatever you want to call it...to stop eating that bad thing...(ok...I know you are curious...powdered donuts ok!)and as I write this I am eating fresh strawberries (and yes WITHOUT sugar!)...may He give you sweet victories in your life as well (yes this victory was sweeter than any donut could ever be!)...and He will...and you do know why right? Yes...because He loves YOU!!!!

I loved you as the Father loved me. Now remain in my love...John 15:9