Beauty from Ashes

Today is another anniversary...Harold...I would say has been gone...but truth is Harold has been HOME for 1 year today...I stopped by the cemetery last night because I had not seen his tombstone yet...I wasn't even thinking about today being August 7th...I cried a few more tears...because selfishly I miss him...oh but the thought of him and our sweet poppa in glory!!! I can't even find the words to describe what that must be like for either of those great men! The moment both of those great men left our presence to be in the presence of their Savior I have thought of them, missed them, cried over them...rejoiced for them...but over this last year I've found myself wondering what is it like...I know there are no more tears for them because Jesus promised to wipe them all away! Do you ever wonder what they see on a daily (does daily exist in eternity?) basis? The colors, the majesty...the glory...do they have a job or do they worship none stop at the throne...I trust and believe that they love us but wouldn't trade where they are for one more minute with us...and they long for us to join them...I know the angels in heaven rejoiced...heck they partied because of Adyson's decision to follow Christ a few weeks ago...but what was the look on poppa's face...oh the wonder of it all! I want to say we have survived this last year because of the men who have gone one before us because they did have a great impact on that...knowing they would want us to go on...to be OK...but may we never EVER forget the grace that abounds on a daily basis for our great God...as my Caleb and Rylee would say...the ONE TRUE GOD!!!...He has been the ONE who sustained us this year...given us the power to make it through the hard days...the "1st's" that we all have to walk through. God to me...the ONE who saved me who healed (healing) me who saved our family from utter destruction who gifted me with this man I walk beside each day who gave me and trusted me with Cassie Diane Heather Michelle Michael Scott and Katie Elizabeth who blessed me with Ayden, Landon, Rylee, Caleb, Camden, Laney Kate and now with **** and ***** who will bless me with more to come from others!!! who allows me to stand before students weekly and pour into them who allows me to stand before women once in a while and share who took me from what I was and is in the process of making me into who He desires who has taught me about forgiveness and trust who has allowed me to finally have true friendships in my life who blessed our lives with Amy and Gastao and now we will have the honor of Sofia and Sasha who amazes me with His creation...the beauty and the wonder of it all... who made this last year bearable... My list could go on and on... One thing I don't do well...is play like everything is OK when it is not...play the whole "church" game...and that carries over into worship for me as well...I truly want to mean the songs that I am singing...we were worshipping the last Sunday morning and singing the words to "Draw me Close"...as I was singing the chorus...it hit me...do I mean this...(quick answer is yes)...but truth...do I live this...just think about these words... Your all I want, Your all I ever needed Your all I want, help me know You are near it is REALLY true...is He all I want...until...the cravings start...cravings for ANYTHING OR ANYONE our flesh desires...whether that is a struggle with food, drugs, sex, alcohol...porn, social media, TV, video games, advancement in our career (even the career advancement in the ministry), our education, our children having everything they want...that special someone...our own sinful fleshly desires... True scripture today for me...Mark 9:24...Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” that is ME!!!! I say I believe out of one side of my mouth while the other side is saying...help my unbelief... truth is God loves us (thank YOU!!!!) and until we take our last breath we are a work in progress...we will work out our salvation with fear and trembling... I don't know about you but that all gives me hope...to see that I am not who I want to be BUT I am not who I once was either...to know that I am a work in progress and that I will be until my last breath...to know that God is real...I KNOW He is real because I KNOW what He has done in my life...I don't have to debate evolution or another argument because HE HAS DONE GREAT THINGS IN MY LIFE and that is enough proof for me! I want to close with the words of this song... We're singing you are holy great and mighty The moon and the stars declare who You are I’m so unworthy but still You love me Forever my heart will sing of how great You are