Sunday, January 4, 2015

no resolutions this year...just an intense desire to learn...

Well 2015 is here! I think I am going into 2015 more excited than I have the last few years. We've had a few hard things to learn to live with the last 2 years...and God's grace has truly been just what He promised us...SUFFICIENT!

He has began to speak to me about some thing that has hit my heart very hard...I have pondered Revelation 2:4 for some time now..."but this I have against you...that you have left your first love"...Wow...over and over in my mind this is rolled around the last year of my life probably...until 2 weeks ago...then I heard a word from the Lord I wasn't prepared to hear...you see I've asked Him over and over to help me to return to Him...my first love...then 2 weeks ago...once again I was thinking what needs to change...what do I need to walk away from? What do I need to put down...or maybe I need to pick something up in obedience...Lord please show me...I'm ready...

The answer from Him was tough...hard to swallow...this is my first to even share it...except with a sweet friend this morning...He...the Lord...my Savior...very clearly told me...Lori...how can you return to something you've never had?...now mind you...I'm not saying I am not saved...I am saved through the blood of Jesus Christ...I will spend eternity in Heaven...that is not what I'm talking about...but He very clearly revealed to me that I haven't ever loved HIM first...most...sold out...Deuteronomy 6:5..."you shall love the Lord your God with all heart and with all your soul and with all your might"...in my words...with every single fiber of my being...and more than anything...or anyone and that...is where it gets to the heart of my issue...

I love God...I love my Savior, Jesus Christ...I have personally experienced miracles from Him...I know His power...I know His love...but...He has blessed me with an incredible man to walk this life with...a man who, I believe even sets this example for me...but I think the.truth is...I know he (Scott) is my first love...and God blessed me with 4 amazing kids...and 6 grand-babies...and they may be in the 2nd place...

I remember when I first realized...I mean...really, really got it that Scott loved the Lord MORE than he loves me...and I was...I hate to even confess...jealous...and now...I'm so thankful that he does...that he is able to love Jesus more...because of that we are still standing...and I'm thankful for the example he lives out before me and our family...I can honestly say that the jealousy has been gone for many years now...because he loves Jesus first he can and does love me better...

And so a new journey begins in my life...I've asked the Lord to help me to fall in love with Him in a new and fresh way...to look above, over and past my husband, kids and grand kids to see Him first...to love Him first...to desire Him and his will first in my life...even when that is hard...or difficult or scary...

Already just today...I believe He is showing me that I must be in love with His word...that is the main way I will clearly hear from Him...it is the way I will  know Him better...

I hope to keep you informed about this...I know I am not the only one who struggles with this...we know we are secure in our salvation...but we don't put Him in His place that not only He should have...but the place He says He must be..."If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross DAILY and follow me...Luke 9:23"

As a wife and a momma...and now a Grammy...sometimes, because of the tugs and pulls on us it is hard to put God first...but ladies...the best example we can set for our husbands and kids is to show them that in ones life...God must come first...that may mean...we let them wait while we study God's word...or we attend a bible study...to we go for a walk...or run with praise music in our ears...and they are not ignored but they are not first...remember what I told you about Scott...he is able to love me better because he loves HIM best...They may not understand it...and they may not even like it...but...because are learning to love the Lord best...we WILL be better wives, mommas, grammys, employees, friends...church members...we just will be...and so the journey begins...please pray for me...

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