Jacksonville, Florida

Well..here we are!!! We have spent 5 glorious days with Cassie and the boys! We have been shopping...gone to Landy's 2nd birthday party, church (and watched an amazingly talented 4 year old sing!), and had great fellowship with the kids Florida family! We have 2 days left and I do dread the big goodbye but am so thankful for the time we are having!

The boys have changed so much in the time since we've seen them and yet they are so much the same...funny boys that are full of energy! Ayden is for sure a big boy now and does not like to be called little...he is a great big brother most of the time...he is so smart...he has painted me some artwork that is wonderful!!! Landon is still very small...but he is so funny! He is starting to say more and more words and one he has gotten down this week is poppy much to my saddness! He does attempt to call me "crazy grammy"! He had a great b-day and we got to witness many people to love not only him but all my boys!!! That is such a gift we get to see...then there is Mr. Camden...who is changing of coarse the most...since Christmas he is screaming!!!!!!!!!! setting up, crawling, pulling up and babbling words...mostly dadadadada...he is so big and still smiles so easily...

Well just wanted to share a bit of our week...I'll have pictures next week when I can plug my camera into my computer...until then...

2 weeks and counting!

We get to go see our girl and her sweet boys in Florida 2 weeks from today! I'm very excited to see them. While we are there we will celebrate Landon Ryan's 2ND birthday! He has been such an added blessing to our lives...he is a little spit fire and I think he attempts to run circles around his momma but he is a blessing...our lives are forever better because we know him...There is also a hope we will get to see Ayden sing in the preschool choir while we are there! One of the hardest things about this sweet family living so far away is missing these little things that we all take for granted if we live close to each other...then the other thing we will see while we are there is baby Camden crawling now...going everywhere I hear...since we've last seen him...he is sitting up, crawling and from the sounds of things from when I called the other day...he is finding his voice! I just want to sit and enjoy 6 or 7 glorious days with them...soaking up every minute I can with them...maybe even sit on the beach one afternoon with them...

The twins had their 1 year checkup this week and they are doing well except again, Rylee is underweight...she has plateaued on the chart...(she is actually off the chart) so we are busy pouring the calories to her...I would ask that you please pray about this...she really does have a very good appetite but she doesn't drink...milk, water, juice nothing really...and this is the problem the Dr is saying...other that that they are both good...Caleb out weighs her by 7 lbs! he is walking a little and she is just a tease!

I asked a question last week to my friends on facebook and emailed the question to several people and was amazed by ALL the answers I got...but I realized that I didn't give my answer...the question..does uncompromising faith make life "worth it"...well a week ago I'd have said YES...very easily...this week I'll still say, scream YES< YES< YES but I will also say it doesn't make life easy...this world is a hard place to live in at times....Oh don't get me wrong there are times...days even that man, life is so good...you get the warm fuzzies almost...you love the people in your life...at my age...you experience grand babies and just let me say they are like nothing else you've ever experienced before...these days can I say my uncompromising faith factors in? Well, yes and no...yes because I believe, for me, it is part of how I am...but no because I could just find joy in these people and circumstances God has so graciously blessed me with and thru...the other days though...the hard days...because we struggle with this thing or that...or days when our hearts are broken over the evil and violence in this world...in people, or who we love so much but we simply cannot make them see the "Hope" that is there for all mankind...those are the days that I must say...without this uncompromising faith I'd be lost...those day when if I had to think....if this is all there is to life...I'm done...I can't do this anymore...but then faith reminds me, keeps me going knowing that my time here is temporary and this is JUST the beginning...that there is more to it than me...it's not about me...it's about my Father in Heaven who loves me like no other...who hates the evil and injustices way more than I could ever! People would say...why doesn't He do something about it then...because if He did...free will would be gone...what is love if we don't have the free will to choose or not to love Him. So with free will comes choices, some choose a love for God...a sold out life to Him, for some just passing thru this world...good people...put no hope beyond this life here on earth..and for some...evil and violence...and ALL...no matter our choice...God loves ...sent Jesus to die for us...it all comes back to our free will to choose...so again...for me...without uncompromising faith...it's not worth living...BUT with it...I can appreciate my loved ones more and can face the hard days better knowing that I am not nor will I EVER be alone...IN CHRIST ALONE MY HOPE IS FOUND!

I'd ask you to join me as we pray for each other...for strength to walk this faith out..I heard from people who have walked thru really bad things...lost husbands to terrible accidents, children dying, sickness and from others who spent the largest part of their lives living for themselves or for others...and now they can say...without any doubts...faith, uncompromising faith is worth it all...

I can do all things through Christ how gives me strength...have a blessed day...

things I need to learn...

Well, today may very well be one of those days that I'd like to say...Lord I WILL always love you but I want to just hide from this world...I listened to a sermon online last week and the preacher was talking about faith...he said something that is so me! He said...how many times in our lives do we say we will trust the Lord and pray...only to be found guilty of yes...being on our knees but...worrying! That is me...I worry about my kids...always wanting to fix all their struggles...and stressing out because I know that I can't...stressing out that at some point in our youth I'll lose Scott in some tragic way...knowing TRUTH in my heart that is a stronghold from the enemy...worrying that I've done something wrong to hurt one of our teens in their walk with the Lord...worry I'll cause the blemish on the body of my precious Savior...and the sad truth is I have done that very thing...

Now I KNOW truth...I know this fear and insecurities is an attack from the enemy of my soul...I must choose to walk in truth...keeping my eyes fixed on the Lord...this is what I must learn....

still small voice

I've been quiet on here are a while now...I've been struggling with...I'm not even sure...life in general...my walk with my Lord...trust...obedience...and satan hit me this week in an area I can say that I had pride in...an area I trusted and took for granted...I've been quite scare to be honest with you...it is not a struggle I'll probably ever share in words with anyone but my husband but...it has been a scary place and if I'm honest I'm not sure I'm out of it completely but I DO know that IF I choose to keep my eyes on my heavenly Father I will get thru this...

With that said...I know we all struggle in this life...and this side of heaven...those struggles with continue to come because we have a sin nature in us and because we have an enemy of our souls who desire to steal, kill and destroy...he is real and we must be aware that he is BUT we must also remember that he has already been defeated and makes a loud noise sometimes but Jesus Christ is our defender...

God has already been speaking to my very soul the past few days...but tonight I listened to a sermon I wanted to share with you...I don't know what life has brought you this week but I hope this message will bring a reminder to your soul that God has a greater plan and lesson than what we can see with our eyes...


http://sc.fhview.com/sc_customplayer/seriesitems/1/117666
(a heart to seek God)

may God's word bring healing to our lives...

The men in my life...

Well, God has blessed me with the best husband ever! I was gone this summer with Cassie for one month as we waiting on our 5 grandbaby to arrive and then stay a few days to help her adjust to the added family member...baby Camden...who is such a sweet baby boy..always happy and smiling...he is another added blessing to our lives that is for sure!!! Anyway, that month apart from Scott was eye opening for us both...I think God used that time to makes us aware to just what he has given us as a couple...a love that, after almost 28 years of marriage is truly genuine...it has taken us a lifetime together to finally learn that and then have that...not that we haven't always loved each other...but when life steps in and it gets hard...and God pulls you thru...then you understand genuine...we missed each other like crazy and learned to appreciate each other more...then when I came home Michael and Katie were gone to Germany for a month so...we got a picture of what our life will be like when they are all on their own...as a young mom I feared those days...I thought...what will we have in common and without the kids what in the world will we talk about...but you know...it was good and as bad as I fear the unknown of a completely empty nest...I look forward to those days for Scott and I...

My brother, Kevin, is a huge part of my life as well...there is 6 years between us...with him being the much OLDER one...and as we grew up...I was a little...bratty to him and needless to say we really didn't care much for one another...but one day I think we were both pleasantly surprised to find out that we love each other very much...he and Betty are more precious to me that words can express and I've watched God do amazing things in their lives...in many ways Kevin is a hero to me because the chances of us meeting God after a certain age drops...(that doesn't mean it's impossible...just drops)...and he beat the odds!!!

I spoke of my son and son in laws in the last post...so I'll just say...they continue to amaze me...each of them are very different and yet there is one scarlet thread that they all hold in common...the blood of Jesus...ties them together...

but now for the true reason for the post...the fathers God has place in my life...my Dad...has not been the greatest...although...I've heard enough stories in my lifetime to know he is by far not the worst either...he loves Kevin and I the very best he knows how...he was just never shown the best way to love...but we both pray for the Father of love to meet with him (for dad to beat the odds too) and for him to experience true love the for the first time in his life...however, with that said...I've learned over the coarse of the past year with dad that I care for him much more that I thought I did...and while growing up was hard...I'd do it all again...without regrets because my past God has used to make me into who HE desires me to be..so I'm thankful...no regrets...and I've stood by to many family members graves...knowing as much as another human being can know...that I'll never see them again...I don't want that with or for my dad...so I will choose to love him...isn't that what love is anyway...a choice not a feeling...and I will do my best to share Jesus with him...and so today God I say thank you for my dad...

However, their are two other men in my life that I couldn't be who I am today without and that is my step dad, Tucker and my other...extra dad, Harold...they are two of the most special people in my life...all three of my "dads" have given me a scare with their health this past year...my dad with the prospects of prostate cancer, Tucker with a stay in the hospital and worrying with his heart and Harold...with his heart and Colon cancer...I've learned to appreciate them so much more...These two men have taught me a visual picture of how God "adopts" us and joins us into His family...I know they love me and I know that I am their family just as much as those who they love and share a blood line with...I am a better person because of them and I neglect to tell them this...all my parents, my mom, tucker, dad, Harold and Jonell are all getting to the age I need to realize age is creeping up on them...Harold is the one in the hospital now and I've struggled yet again with the fact that...truth is I'm just not ready to face this with anyone of them...and I will NOT walk around in a constant state of fear because that is what the enemy of my soul would want...then my eyes are not place on the Throne of the ONE who IS in control...but I will appreciate them more...hugs are not my thing and if you know me you know that well...but I will try to hug more...and like the times I have with my children ALL together...soak it all in...thankful and grateful for these very special people God chose to place in my life...I didn't just get them...with tucker came my brother Steve and sister Karen and now Debbie is back in our lives...

So I'll end this post with a great big thank you JESUS for those people you place in our lives...those you planned to be a part of the tapestry of our lives before the foundation of the world...for those of you who I haven't spoke of today...and there are many of you...I love you and though hugs are not my gift...I'm sending one to you today...

2009,,,a memory

Here I sit...January 1, 2010 and the house is way to quiet! Cassie, Jesse and the boys left to go home about 2 hours ago and we have no noisy little boys running around the house. I could think of the year past and what we have learned thru the year...but I've shared it way more than most care to hear it this year! But I will say this has been a year like no other...

I have seen God move this year in such a HUGE way! I am amazed that He cares enough about us to allow us to be a witness to His majesty and greatness!

I've shared so much this year already so I just want to say thank You Lord for Your grace to go on...and for those of you who know me best you know ALL that I'm speaking of...

I've found myself looking at my family and friends and wondering just what this new year has for us! I believe it will be an exciting year to come with many great adventures...

I pray that I will learn to run the race with endurance this year and be willing to say whatever and where ever Lord you desire for myself and Scott....we will say Lord here we are...send us...

I'm also thinking that I mostly right about the girls and I forget or neglect the men in our lives...I'm thankful for them...for my son in laws who are like sons to me...for the fact that they both love my daughters very much and most of the time I can see that love they have for them in their eyes...(and when I don't I think it is b/c they are acting like their momma)...they both love the Lord and desire to see their homes under HIS Lordship...and for my son, Michael I am very thankful for...he takes good care the things around here when his dad is gone...I have a friend that says if you see how a man treats his mom, that is a good indication of how he will treat his wife...she will be cared for...He has made a decision for the Lord 2 weeks ago and now we watch his true walk begin...I can't wait to see this adventure...and for my husband...I love you! He is a godly man and a good man...he leads us in the ways of the Lord. he is a good husband, provider, father and grandfather...he is a great friend and a man that runs hard and fast after the Lord...

to you all I wish you the happiest of New Year...and pray blessings on you....

The wonder of it all!!!!

What a time the last few weeks have been!!! I think it has felt almost like I was in the back ground watching life become very hectic around me and yet I'm right in the middle of it! This year is finding to be the most different year of our lives...possible, except for the "year" that changed our families life forever, this year has changed me and my outlook on life the most...

The summer Cassie and Jesse married, Heather graduated high school, went on a trip to Thailand/Cambodia and moved to college. Within 2 days of each other, both my two older girls were for the most part gone from my nest. This year has been much the same, with Heather marrying and becoming a mom and then Cassie moving so very far away. As much as we moms hate to walk thru this time of life, God has aloud me to learn so much about Him and what we are truly on this earth for!!! I've watched God turn a situation in our lives that was very difficult into something very sweet and beautiful thru Donnie and Heather's lives...lessons in brokenness, forgiveness and new starts...I remember a testimony I heard years ago and how God turns ashes into beauty...I just remember that years ago Heather even sang that song for a special at church...this year began with the birth of our sweet twin grand babies Rylee and Caleb! They came 5 weeks early and I think their house was crazy for several months....now mom and dad are accustomed to craziness, and while grammy is accustomed to it...babies going to different directions at the same time is WOW! (watch out for when they start crawling!!) I see to people who have truly waited a life time for each other become a family...who's heart desire is to raise beautiful babies who will love the Lord...what more could a grammy ask!

Then Cassie, February came and we found out they would be leaving...and I was mad at first for about 1 week...then God reminded me that it isn't about me or as bad as I hated to hear it...it wasn't about my family either...it was about Him and His honor and His glory...and I have come to the conclusion that it IS a privilege to watch Him use our family for His glory! I've watched Jesse and Cassie's home also grow, numerically this year but spiritually like never before...I see Jesse each time they visit stretch in new way and I have watched Cassie grow as a mom and a christian young woman...the last time they were here my sweet boys didn't want grammy to do things for them but rather their momma who now gets to be with them full time...all good things...

I have watch my son also change in huge ways this year...simply with deciding this was his last full year of school and just being young and hanging out with friends to having a person come into his life in the passed few months that I believe will become a huge mentor in his life and is already a great friend and for that I am very thankful...all of which are a great gift from God...at Christmas of 2004 I remember thinking as I looked as Cassie and Jesse setting on our couch....I wonder what this year will bring and in my bones I felt we would experience something great and that following mother's day we found out we would be grandparents for the first time! and then just after Christmas 2007 I told Heather that story and that I didn't know what it would be...her future husband...or a new direction...whatever it was....I felt 2008 was going to be her year and sure enough just before you birthday the following march Donnie joined us...now I don't think I'm psychic...psycho maybe...and again I don't know what it will be but I do believe 2010 is his year...

and our Katie, has found the one she feels will be her mate for life...they have a while to wait for marriage but if things continue on they will marry the in 2011 and again we will be changed and yet have another son in our lives that we already love very much...

Our exchange son is a sweet heart as well...I must admit I probably would have picked a girl again and if Michael had not insisted on NO MORE HORMONES...I would have chosen a girl...I am soooo glad I didn't...just like Amy, our lives have been forever changed because Gastao is part of it! I dreamed last night he asked Jesus into his heart and WHEN that happens it will be a dream come true...

I've never been a good momma who can say with words out of her mouth just how much my children mean to me but I am saying to each one of you...the ones I gave birth to...I love you each one so very much. I know in the worlds eyes success comes in many forms but NOT in what we (your dad and I have) but in our eyes we have seen God do great things in each of your lives and we know now that b/c you live for HIM you have already reached success, you have already found the meaning of live and your purpose to be here....and to those of you I have not given birth to, Jesse, Amy, Donnie and Gastao (and thomas) I love you and I am blessed b/c you are part of us...

for my grand babies, well I learned to not take them for granted and I tell them more that I love them and I DOOOOOOOO so much! So with all that said (I know ALOT) our lives have changed so much with just these dynamics...life at church has also been very hard this year and our hearts have been broken this year for many reason but I think the main one for me is that we put a blemish on the body of Christ...the "world" or community around us I know watched and heard things this year and I know they must think...why would we need what they have??? But God...two of the greatest words in the Bible...loved us and is restoring us...He has blessed us with a pastor who loves HIM so much and desires to see Jesus lifted high! A man who is humble and gentle and who, I believe, God will use to lead Emmanuel for many years to come...all for the glory of God...and his family...WOW...kindred spirits that's all I can say...

yesterday we had friends and family day at the church and I was OVER WHELMED at the goodness of God...we had I believe the largest Sunday morning crowd at Emmanuel today and God over exceeded our goal by 20! We had 3 baptistisms...the Gospel...shared and amazing fellowship all day long....last night we had our annual Christmas party and I was reminded again of the gift that God has given the body at emmanuel thru genuine love for one another...for knowing we are family...this morning, as I write this...I am in awe of HIM...I just cannot for the life of me fathom why He would love us, me so lavishly...take my brokenness and restore it...allow me to see my kids loving HIM and serving Him in their own individual ways. Growing Spiritually...there was a time I thought I'd never see that because of damage I'd done...there are many people who turn their backs on God with the excuse of what others had done...and believe me...I gave my kids that excuse...but God (there are those words again) brought total restoration...if you haven't experienced that please let me share this with you...don't miss out on this life with HIM...it is wild!!!

All our kids will be home for Christmas this year and with all the changes this year...I just say Christmas feels very different...like I've finally see what Christmas is really all about...I also have a niece that has moved in the last year and a half and of course my brother Steve, is always on my mind, knowing that they have given so much for the call to follow the Lord...Christmas is about Christ. That's it...and the greatest gift beyond Jesus is the gift of the people He has put in our individual lives...so I must admit the two things I'm looking most forward to this year is....our candlelight service Christmas eve...a time to focus on the Lord and the gift of Jesus Christ...and then Christmas day...after we've been to nanny and papas and grandma and poppas...and we come home...just Scott and I and our children and grandchildren...just that sweet time of us...I love you all, my family and friends and I pray God will bless you beyond anything you could ever imagine this season...