Life...

I've been thinking about this post in my head for many days now...lots of things are going on in our lives at this point and I'm trying to appreciate each thing...the good and the bad...understanding that life moves continually...at times in direction that are very exciting and other times in a direction that scares the snot out of us! But it still goes...we want it to slow down...to wait on our timing and yet it refuses...

Our oldest grandson, Ayden, asked Jesus to live in his heart a few weeks ago and we got to witness his baptism this past weekend...it was an amazing feeling to see another generation desiring to follow hard and fast after Jesus...As they moved away 4 years ago I knew I'd have a difficult time missing birthdays and other special holidays with them...but my fear of never seeing such an amazing time in their lives broke my heart...so being able to be present was an extra special bonus for my heart to witness...his daddy had to honor of baptising him and the look on Jesse's face was priceless!

Our sweet Laney Kate just turned one yesterday! She is something else! When Camden was born I thought he will never really know me...and he does...I think he is even crazy about his grammy most of the time...I even had then same fear with little Laney...and she too...likes me I think....and I KNOW she knows who I am...she will not say grammy but she looks for me when her momma ask where I am...she lites up a room with her sweet smile...she shares that with Landon...when he smiles at you it's like you are the only person in the entire room!

Michael will be a married man in just 10 more days! I can't even find the words for this one...so very happy for him and Bekah...and excited!

We have people in our lives that are struggling with life right now...on many different levels...and want to desperately to say something that will make it better for them but...the words...they aren't there...and so what do you say, or do or how do you help? Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life...that is how we make it...so I pray that for them...He isn't A way or A truth or A life but He is THE way, THE truth and THE life...and somehow we get up each morning and we take a breath and we face...life before us...whether it is the cancer we face, the fear we face or just the knot that is in our stomach...and we take another breath and another...then we notice that in all the hardness this life has to offer there is good...and there is beauty...in the smiles of our children or the color of the bluest sky...or a pretty freshly bloomed flower...and somehow...before we know it...the breaths come and we didn't even notice them being hard to take...

As I close my eyes I see the faces of many people today...facing challenges that we never thought we'd face...from a simple as our kids growing up...to has hard as we can ever imagine...but behind those faces just beyond them I see color...greens and blues and yellows and pink and purples and I know that God is real and He is still on His throne and He IS GOOD even when life is hard...and I have hope...Romans 12 :12 say, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"...so cling to the hope...know there is color amongst the gray and when we have no words...and lets be real most of the time we don't...be a faithful prayer warrior...

Heather Michelle

Wow...I continue to stand amazed at how fast the years have gone...I didn't believe that saying when I was in the middle of raising our 4 kiddos...I was just trying to teach them to somehow survive me...and yet here I am on the other side of those days...and we have another birthday...today is Heathers 29th birthday! I promise when I wake up in the morning it STILL feels like I should go and made sure they are all up and getting ready for school...

If I thought you were reading this today and you didn't have the privilege of knowing Heather...I'd have to say she is a funny woman who loves life, her family and above all the Lord...she is a good momma who isn't afraid to make messes with her kids...making sweet memories with them along the way...she is a person who I think at times is like her momma and has a hard time forgiving herself...but like her dad in the fact that she appreciates family so much! She loves her husband and has a desire to serve the Lord beside him for the rest of their days...she lights up when the Lord teaches her something new and can't wait to share that new found lesson with anyone willing to hear it! She has made some sweet friends along her journey called life and lights up when she talks of them as well...

This year has been a hard year for her and her family as they had to say goodbye to someone very dear to them all...she has walk beside Donnie as he said goodbye to his dad....beside Rylee and Caleb as they said goodbye to their pawpaw and was like a mother hen as she stood beside and over her mother in law has she had to say the hardest goodbye of all...to her husband...Heather did this with the strength of the Lord...I've stood amazed at the strength and character she has shown through this hard year...

She has entered her classroom this year with a new and fresh perspective...with a desire to be more positive and a revived knowledge that she has divinely been placed in the lives of these students and their parents for a kingdom purpose...

I pray today she feels so loved and appreciated...may we all learn the lessons she has this year...that family is precious...and we are blessed to be a part of ours...and we are also blessed to have her...I love you Sis...

love,
Mom

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G...morning...

I had the most amazing quiet time with the Lord yesterday morning and I just now FINALLY got a chance to set a write about it...whether anyone every reads this or not I want to write these because I know there will come a day that I will need to be reminded of this lesson the Lord is teaching me...

I started a new study last week called "Stuck" by Jennie Allen. I was working on it yesterday and I came to a question..."Do you love God?' and I answered yes because that is true I do love Him...however, I could hear Him as clear as day whispering in my ear...yes I know you do...but Lori, do you TRUST Me? I don't know if I've ever really thought that out or walked that out...I was dumb founded that God would speak so clearly to me and scared to answer the question really...you know? Because...if I were honest probably not in all areas of my life...then the most amazing thing happened...I turned the page in my workbook and this is a portion of what I found...

...and in asking us to do this, God is asking us...

DO YOU TRUST ME?....(do you think He was getting my attention...if He didn't have my full attention on page 43 He FOR SURE had it now on page 44...)

Do you trust Me when I ask you to step out on a limb?
Do you trust Me when what I'm asking cost you something?
Do you trust Me when obeying Me is excruciating?

I've taught over the years...do we let God have access to all areas of our lives...the hidden places...where we hid our sin we want to hang on to, or we choose to hang on to...or the room that is our special place...and if you lived my life...you'd think I deserved that place too...just to let your hair down...relax...again we deserve it...

But what God spoke to my heart yesterday was more than that...the first thing that came to my mind was Scott and my family...God asking me do you trust Me with them...believe that I know what is best for them and I've only loaned them to you...

You understand that by saying I trust Him...that means no matter what happens...I will trust Him...do I...can I...

well...I believe I can...I want to...I will choose to walk this trust thing out...learning each day to trust Him more and more...Don't get me wrong, there are areas in my live that I already do TRUST HIM!!!...but there are other areas that I want to keep a tight hold on and say...Lord it's Ok...we're good...He doesn't desire that...He doesn't deserve that...

Jesus said that He came to give life and to give it abundantly in John 10:10...I will never experience this abundant life Jesus came to give to ME...if I don't trust Him with everything in my life and all OF my life...so today is a fresh new day...as I begin a journey of Trust...

I think maybe I'll be humming this song today...

Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus...

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know "Thus saith the Lord"

Chorus:

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
Just in simple faith to plunge me
"Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I'm so glad I learned to trust Him,
Precious Jesus, saviour, friend;
And I know that He is with me,
Will be with me to the end.

I pray you learn to trust Him as well! What an amazingly mightly God we serve!


 

...no to us...but to YOUR name be the glory...

Today Scott and I celebrate 31 years of marriage! I am so thankful the Lord gave me this man that I have shared life with. Life has been so hard at times we thought we might not survive and so sweet at other times that I would find myself wanting time to stand still so we can just stay in the moment!

Some of my favorite moments over the last 31 years...our first summer together of marriage...until now...that was all the alone time we had...sweet memories...the look in his face right after we were married and I was so sick...all I saw was love and concern and I still see it!...the look on his face as we discovered we were pregnant (each time!)...our drive to the hospital with baby number 1...it was a good excuse for him to drive like a stock car racer!!! After Cassie was born...he made a stand with me...he told me, you can come to church if you want...but Cassie and I are going...I want my kids in church...this was the first time I knew how serious he was about this "church thing"...watching him learn to call heather, heather and not michelle...was quite funny...but you probably had to be there to understand that...maybe that is why he just called her sis!...the look on his face when we saw michael was...a boy!!!...then the looked for months afterward on his face as Michael screamed if his dad tried to have anything to do with him...looking out the window and seeing all 3 of them working beside him on the weekend...stacking wood...thinking they were all such big helpers!...one day he said...but I thought YOU wanted another baby...I said well I thought YOU wanted another one...so we better be CAREFUL...oops to late...and along came Katie...and I think even her siblings would agree with us when I say life would have been just a little boring without our Katie!...his face as he baptized Cassie...the only one he had that honor to do...there was an event that happened in his life that God used to make him serious about the Lord and the message of the Gospel...watching him go to the house of one of his friends on a friday night...knowing the house would be full...and what was going to be going on...and sharing with that friend the Gospel...that friend as far as we know still doesn't know the Lord...but I KNOW that friend has great respect for Scott still to the day...because he knew Scott was being REAL and sincere...that was a turning point in the life of Scott...never to be the same again...the look on his face the day I was saved...the period of time we both learned what a relationship with the Lord really looked like...it goes way beyond...church and church activities and responibilities...it is everyday...we walked that journey together...the "time of hell" in our home...a time I caused but he loved me thru it...still after all these years amazed at that...thankful to the Lord and to Scott that we came out the otherside...bruised and battered but still standing...together...and I think stronger...the day he told me Jesse ask him the "question"...and the day Donnie and sis came to us...and the giggles we have gotten from the the day Thomas finally got around to asking the "questions"...thankful that we have 3 godly son in laws we call our own...and that they all respected us enough to come to us...the look in his eyes as he gave each of his girls away...as he has held each of our newborn grandbabies...and not to long ago with all of the 5 older ones on the four wheeler with him...the pride I see in his eyes as he looks at the man Michael has become...and the way he gives Bekah a hard time...makes me know she is truly one of us!!!!

He loves to joke, pick and play...he brings joy to so many...not just me...he is a good man and I love him so much!

I have ww tonight so last night he made me dinner as we drank ice water from our "fancy" glasses...he got me some flowers and a sweet gift...but more than anything...I find that we just enjoyed our time together...talking...learning about each other still...learning to be just the two of us...I remember there was a time we BOTH were scared to death of that coming day...because all we ever talked about were the kids...so what would be talk about when they were gone???...but we talk...we listen...we are learning...and you know what we kind of like it!!!!

Happy anniversay to the kindest man I know...thank you for loving the Lord more than me...because that allows you to love me the way it is suppose to be....thank you for being "excited" for a baptist...thank you for hoopin' and hollarin' when a salvation takes place...when a life is changed...for rockin' beside me in church every sunday...for giving me 4 amazing kids...for sharing Mikeah, Amy and Gastoe with me...here is to our future...may be have another 31 together...I love you

Beth

Cassie...

Well the dreaded day is here in just a few hours!!!! The big 30 for you this year and we won't even talk about what is number is coming my way this year! I cannot believe you are 30 years old...I know you are amazed at how fast the years are going with your own children...you get just a glimpse of how fast they are going for me!

Last night I spent the FIRST night alone ever in my entire life I think...no husband...no kids...not even any grandkids to keep this old grammy company...a picture of our future with everyone out on their own now...and it seems that I should be yelling at you guys telling you to get to bed and get to sleep you have school the next tomorrow and you won't want to get up...but then I realized that somewhere along in there...I blinked...ALOT...because you not only are grown but raising kids of your own!!!!

I've said it before but I'll say it just one more time...you have amazed me this year how you have supported your husband...stayed faithful to the Lord...desired for the boys and now Laney Kate to see Jesus beyond anything else in this world...I know you don't know it...but there are many people who see this in you and admire the christian woman, wife, mom, friend, daugther and sister you are...I tease you because I think someday when they are grown the kids will make fun of you because you made them say the happy heart thing...just like you all tease me about the "in light of eternity does this matter" thing...but I also think they will be glad you taught them that just like I believe over all you guys are glad we used those words on you!...but you live that out...in light eternity the character you show WILL make a difference in the lives of those who are watching and those you are walking with...in light of eternity you make a difference...keep it up!

I love you so much...so thankful you are home again...for a season of however long...I'll take it...I'll soak it up and I'll attempt to never take you or your siblings for granted again!

I pray you feel how loved you are today...your special day from every single directions...from the Lord...Jess, the kiddos...family and your sweet friends...

Beks....

Now mind you that is NOT what I call her...that is Michael's sweet words for her...and we love her so much...Bekah came into our lives just a few short months ago but it feels like she has been part of our family for ever and always...I think that is because God had it pre-destined for her to be one of us! I usually write for my kids on their birthdays and b/c I've been so quiet lately I missed Bekah's birthday...So Bekah...forgive me being a slacker...

While you already fit us...we are still getting to know each other and it is exciting to learn new things about you...

you are an amazing young woman...the one...we've prayed for, for 26 years now...the one that will complete Michael as he walks thru life as a man pursing the Lord...I see that you encourage that in him and for that I'm so thankful...I can't wait until I look into his eyes as you walk down the isle to his arms and become his wife...just so you know...even though he was giving you a hard time in the kitchen last night...I saw a glimpse of that look in his eyes last night as he looked at you...I pray you see it every time you look into his eyes...during the times of you guys being ooey...gooey together, the times you are tired together and even the times you are frustrated with each other...

some things I've come to love about Miss Bekah Crawford...
-her love for my son...
-the confidence she gives Michael
-her ability to love her future nieces and nephews
-her ability to just come in and be one of us
-the fact that she will just come in and flop on my bed like my girls do
-the way you squeal with excitement
-the way you match Michael (being a tight wade I mean!)
-the way you care about the education you are giving to your students
-your joy
-your love for bible study
-the way you look at my son...

Happy belated blog written birthday sweet girl...let the wedding count down begin!...
love ya,
the REAL one (inside joke)...

...out with the old...and in with the new...

It has been sometime since I've blogged...the words have simply not been there...I have been quiet with most people in my life lately...my husband, my kids, my Lord...my friends...I have...for lack of better words...just tried to disappear...feeling lost...scared...frustrated...and other emotions that are there too!

When I started weight watchers the first of the year...I said I'd be open and honest...even vulnerable...and I think I have been some of the time...and others...I just don't talk about it!...I did great the first 5 months of the program and I have struggled the rest of the year...it has been hard...old habits have never really been broken...it's hard...I like for people to tell me how great I look but I hate to be the "different" one having to eat the "different" food...so needless to say for 7 months...it has been the same 5 pounds up and down....the one thing I HATE to hear when I go to my meetings is...if you gained weight...if you are honest with yourself you probably know why...and truth is...YES WE KNOW WHY...OK!!!!

Well the same is true in my walk with the Lord...when I feel distant from Him...if I'm honest with myself...I've walked with Him long enough now...that I know why the distance is there...and THAT my friends is where I've been the last few months...there is a HUGE gap between myself and my Lord...and I am miserable when I am there...and yet...I allow it...I wrote a letter to my pastor and his wife a.ka. my friends...and asked for prayer...she promptly wrote me back saying she was praying and added a few self check points to the email...and all 3 points she added I needed to remember b/c they all three are my problem...1. no daily time with my Lord, 2. sin (keeping that one to myself thank you!)...but still there and 3. she asked me if my priorities where in check...and of coarse NO THEY are not!...and while I needed that reminder...to bring the truth I already knew to the front of my mind...it still felt like I was in a fog...until yesterday...I really wanted to just stay home yesterday...I was emotional and I knew if someone was nice to me I'd fall apart...and UNFORTUNATELY we go to a very NICE church...so there were lots of tears on my part...then we began worship...and I felt the Lord's presence so clearly...we began to sing the song "Offering" and we sang..."there is no shadow...in Your presence" and like a ton of bricks...the wall I'd built around myself was crushed...that was it...I had been in the shadow for months now and in the shadow...I can't feel His presence! In the shadow is darkness and when Satan can keep us there he robs us of the Lord's presence...a place I allowed myself to be...so now...I begin the journey back...yet again...to the safe arms and presence of my sweet savior...I'm so thankful that He purses me...I'll never understand it...why He does it but I'm forever and eterally thankful for it...again, I say...it is real...this relationship thing with the Lord...He reminded me of it yesterday as He pulled me back...and today as I read in Joshus...Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you...So I need to be gettin' myself ready...thank you Lord...
Offering...amazing song...