disappointed...

Well I gained this week and I'm very disappointed but not surprised...I bombed last week...I think in my sub-consensus...I sabatoged myself...that is my habit after all...however...this time I will win because I'm working on this for the Lord, with the Lord and will beat it through the Lord...the battle is His...I just need to remember to die to self...surrender to Him...I'll keep you posted...thanks for letting me share...helps to hold me accountable...

Here's to 30 years!

Well, I'm setting at my computer with just 2 more hours before my 30th wedding anniversary begins! Scott and I had a date last night and today spent the day with 11 of our students at a conference...as we drove to Springfield today for the conference my mind has reminiscing over our life together. I told him this morning that the day before our anniversary never, ever passes that I don't remember how ugly I was to him at our rehearsal and think...every year...buddy that was your chance...that SHOULD have opened your eyes to the life you had in front of you! But I must confess, I'm so thankful he stuck it out with me!

My memories today really started with the birth of each of our children....we were so young when Cassie and Heather were both born...with Cassie, Scott was much more relaxed with her than I was...he has been around lots of kids in his family while, I on the other hand, had not...we stayed with my mom for 2 weeks..and then we went home and I cried the entire way home thinking...well...she's dead...I'll kill her...she'll choke and that will be that...I'll panic...my mom won't be there and I'll have no baby!!! (29 years later she is still alive and kicking!) Then very quickly came Heather...I wanted to name her Courtney and Scott said no...fine then..Heather Michelle but I'm NOT calling her Heather...so he called her Michelle all day long after she was born and well...I had changed my mind...pre-cell phone time...so he didn't know...he like to have never broken himself of calling her Michelle...maybe just maybe that is how she got the nickname "Sis"...we had a 2 year break and we had Michael...a few months before he was born...I dreamed it was a boy and the first thing out of my mouth was...now I don't have to have anymore! True story...the minute he was born and we saw that it indeed was a boy...the first thing out of my mouth was...you guessed it...NOW I don't have to have anymore...and we were done...complete family and working on the younger years...Cassie the little mommy Jr., Heather the quiet one that you might want to keep and eye on and Michael...the BOY...Scott worked so hard during these years to provide and I worked so hard at spending every dime he made...oh how I wish I could have a redo...and yet he loved me thru those years...then we thought maybe we did need one more...or I thought he wanted one...he thought I did...when we realized we were neither real sure we did...you guessed it again...TO LATE...and along came Katie...now she is unique in the fact that she is the first child we had at the hospital all by ourselves...that is a cherished time I hold in my heart...and not to be gross but we started her together and we completed it together...and now our family was complete...we would in future years have others come in and out of our lives...but these 4 are the ones God gave us to nurture...it was a good life with lots and lots of hurdles to get over...most hurdles we have gotten over I built and put up myself...but because Scott loves the Lord way more than he does me...we survived! He has been such a witness to the "Truth" of love...gently leading and sometimes dragging me kicking and screaming to the true source of Love...Jesus Christ...I have witnessed up close and personal this man fall more and more in love with Jesus...and I'll always believe because of that he has fallen more and more in love with me...God has been good to us both and healed me and Scott from the inside out...

So with many memories...such as...
-at the alter...talking while we were kneeling for the prayer...
-our first 2 weeks of married live...most of them in the hospital...
-when I has frowning...which back then was ALOT...tickle, tickle under chin...if you love me, you will grin...
-the way he calls me Beth
-the way he holds my hand during the worship service
-the way he has loved our children like a father should
-the way he loved me when everyone would have understood if he'd said no more!
-the way he works so hard even now for me
-the way he loves others
-the way he finds joy and laughter in everything!
-the way he asked me to knock the wind off of him!
-the way he looked at me when we renewed our vows at year 20
-the way he looked at me tonight just before he blessed our dinner!

I love you Scott Griffith...to another 30 years!

losing

Well tomorrow will start week 3 on WW for me....I've lost a total of 9.8 lbs so far and for that I'm so thankful! This is an easy program to follow and yet one of the hardest things I've had to do because it is taking so much prayer and determination to make better and healthier choices. I must admit it still scares the daylight out of me because I FINALLY understand this is a lifestyle change that must take place and then STAY in place for the rest of my life...

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Cor. 10:31

I CAN do all things (even lose weight) through Him who gives me strength...

Phillippians 4:13

Rylee and Caleb are 3!!!

Happy Birthday to our sweet twins!!! I can not believe you guys are 3 years old! Your personalities have really blossomed this year! You are both so funny! Caleb is definately the tenderhearted of the 2! And Rylee is the Princess and if you forget she WILL tell you that she is!

You both are such a blessing to poppy and grammy's lives...and know that now that we understand what it is like to have grandbabies living so far away...we will never take for granted the precious gift each of you are to us!!!! We love you both so much and pray that God, Dad and Momma will grow you into adults who will hunger and thirst after Jesus...running your entire lives hard and fast after him!!!!

Love you both,
Grammy

Cassie

Well another year has gone by and it is my sweet Cassie's birthday...we've all had days that are the hard ones for each of us with her moved so far away...but for this momma I'd say it is always her birthday for me...I love to have a girls day out and take my girls to lunch to the resturant of their choosing...and just enjoy each other...I miss that with her so much...I will confess today could be a very weepy day...but this morning...as the tears well up inside God...brought to my minds eye faces....of sweet people there in JAX who love her so much...I'd venture to say...some of them love her almost as much as her family does! I'd name you all but I'd leave someone out and hurt someones feelings...but those faces range from very young to some of the sweet older people in her church God has called her and Jesse to serve in.

I'd say this past Christmas has been our best yet...just appreciating our time together...laughing and sometimes crying together...encouraging each other and spurring one anther on with the Lord's Words! What a blessing that is in our lives!

She had grown into an amazing wife and mother...she loves those boys (all 4 of them) with every ounce of her being...I love seeing that! And now as May approaches we have another little one to look forward too! God really only knows...but at this point, her last little one she plans to have and we are all so excited...ready for another HEALTHY baby to love and to spoil...and we will confess excited for yet another girl in the family too! I keep a baby girl right now and those 2 little boys looooooooooooved her so I'm excited to see how they do with the new little one...

I've also witnessed growth in Cassie as her heart expands more and more for the teens God places in her and Jesses lives...she truly loves them and cares about their future with the Lord...

I love you so much sweet girl...I say it every year...but I can still close my eyes and see our first morning together....just you and me...sorry I failed you and your siblings so much over the years but so grateful that you got to witness God's grace in my life first hand...b/c know each of you can say...and testify...that you KNOW HE is real and you KNOW HE heals...

Have a fantastic day...know we are thinking of you today and missing you like crazy but looking forward to the time we see each other again!

I love you,
mom and friend!

day 2

Well, day two is almost over and I've survived so far! I asked Scott if he thought my hiny was smalled yet and the SMART husband he is said...sweetie in the light I can hardly see it!

In all seriousness...I probably will not write everyday but just wanted everyone to know I'm still alive...still excited and still determined to bet this monster with the Lord's help...

I've heard from so many of you and just want to say thank you for the prayers and the words of encouragement...it means more than you will ever know! (according to my scales I've already lost but no totals til offical weigh in on Tuesday!)

January 4, 2012 a new beginning

I believe my blog may be my diary now as I start out on a new adventure. In part because I hope to be an encouragment but more than that it will be another way to hold myself accountable...knowing that my friends and family are reading this.

I shared last year in my blog that I had a struggle that God had be dealing with me about for a long time and that when I found victory thru Him I'd share that struggle with you. It has been almost an entire year and no victory. I didn't want to share the struggle because of many reasons, fear, pride, ridicule and a feeling of worthlessness due to my failure. I have failed and for me (not everyone...me...because the Lord has convicted me) it is because of lack of obedience and self control. I think self control has always been an issue with me...I mean really...isn't that the root of my anger issue even? So here I am again...only this time it is different because I will be vulnerable and open up about the struggle....I eat to much...I'm over weight...and if and when the Lord calls me to do something for Him...I can't because I'm unhealthy...so we (the Lord and I) begin...again...

I decided a month ago I would join weight watchers in January. Yesterday, I was so nervous all day...by the time I got in the car to leave I truly thought I might get sick...(those of you who know me best will understand my mentality on this!). Anyway, I went to my first meeting and I'm so encouraged. This program will teach me how to eat more healthy. I believe this is something the Lord has directed me in...as a matter of a fact I'd like to share one thing HE told me yesterday....I was getting ready for the meeting and saying to myself I'm so scared...(why you ask...of failing again...this time in front of many people)...and this very scripture is on my bathroom wall...and yet I could almost hear HIS voice speaking it PERSONALLY over me....Do not fear, Lori, I am with you; do not be dismayed (or to me yesterday discouraged), for I am YOUR God. I will STRENGTHEN and HELP you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand...Isaiah 41:10. He is so good to me! To us...don't you think!!!!

So today is day one and I've had breakfast...and believe it or not it was so much food I didn't quite get it all down. I will post updates quite often...so you can hold me accountable!

let the adventure begin...

Happy Birthday Ayden Parker Ball

Dear Ayden,

I cannot believe you are 6 years old! You are such a joy to have in our lives. I couldn't ask for a better "the oldest" grandson!!! Each one of you have a special place in Grammy's heart and your place is being the first grandson I ever had!!!! You are so smart and so brave! It takes lots and lots of courage to be a little boy who loves Jesus so much to go some place to tell others about HIM!

You are big now and are reading (although, you NEVER did read to me and poppy so next visit you have to read to us!!!!)

Ayden, Grammy and Poppy love you so much and pray that as you grow up you love your family, love your friends and love Jesus more than anything else! I will be thinking about you ALL DAY LONG TODAY...and I will call you today also! You have a great day!

Love,
Grammy