My bonus daughter...

Today is another birthday in our family...Bekah's! I'm so thankful for the laughter and joy she brings to our family...as far as the adults added to our family...Bekah has completed us!

As the years are going by I get to see more and more of her heart...a heart that loves Jesus and my son with a great passion...a heart that loves the children she comes in contact with on a daily basis...a heart of an aunt that is crazy about her nephews and nieces...a heart that is willing to do whatever the Lord lays before her and her Michael...

I pray today is extra special for you Beks...that you know just how loved she are...and how much of a mark for the Lord you leave on a daily basis...

I know for me...I take my family for granted so much of the time...I forget...or maybe the better term is...I neglect to tell them just how special...how loved and how important they are to me...so today my sweet girl...know I love you...I'm thankful and honored to be the "real deal" for you!

Have a great day!!!

Love
your forever MIL!!!!

Why can't the words come easier???

I've needed to write for sometime now but the words simply will not come...I'm not sure why I feel the need to write, but, it is like refreshing my soul somehow...able to see more clearly what God is teaching my in my everyday life when I can see the words...and I also know that since the words are written down I can look back and see the marks the Lord has place in and on my life...marks I need to be reminded of when I have those days when He feels so far away or maybe even not there at all...the marks remind me...He is ALWAYS here...

Have you ever experienced one of those times in you life where you feel like you are just going through the motions...maybe even feeling  a bit numb while you are doing it? I think that is the best way I can describe life lately for me...and yet...we have been studying the life of Joseph...one of my favorite life events in the Bible...his brothers sold him into slavery at a very young age...and yet...God was with him...and Joseph trusted God...and Joseph was blessed...he was actually put in charge of much of his master's house...and life was indeed, worth living and trusting God...and then the master's wife told a terrible lie about Joseph which led to him being imprisoned...for many years...even there...Joseph lived for the Lord...if he had days of feeling numb we don't know about them...he just lived and trusted...ultimately God's entire purpose was reveal...you should read the event if you never have...Joseph is a true picture of a man how loved the Lord...trusted Him completely...and never became bitter because He was able to see life was not about himself but about the Lord and His redemptive grace...you can find the account of Joseph in Genesis chapters 37-47

And so...here we are in the year 2015...not in prison...still with some freedom...and able to worship without fear every Sunday and Wednesday in my local church...free to share the truth of Christ without fear of being beaten or killed...so why...do I feel numb...the answer is very simple...when I feel numb and I feel like the Lord is further away that I'd like Him to be...I realize...I'm the one who moved...God never left my side...but I took my eyes off of Him...moved just a bit in another direction...and before I knew it I had moved further than I ever wanted to go...the good news...He is right behind me...all I needed to do was turn and there He was...the ENTIRE time!!!! I'm so thankful for the Lord...He is what gives me hope...He IS the hope of this world...the only HOPE of this world...and He has called my name...has He called yours?

One of our questions this week in our study and actually a few weeks ago also...is what do you love to do...and what if...what you LOVE to do is part of what God will use in your life as a way of sharing or investing in others lives...Well...tonight I get be a part of one of the things I Love...which is to standing in a room full of students and share what Jesus has and is doing in my life...I LOVE that...and I stand amazed that God allows me that opportunity on a weekly basis...

I've never thought about my passions and interests being the very avenues that God may use to open doors for me...I mean...yes I SHOULD have known that...but when life is going on...day in and day out and it becomes mundane and you become numb...then you forget...this is were God has me planted for now...and so...open my eyes to the needs around me...be a willing vessel to be used as opportunities arise...be willing to walk daily...like Joseph did...realizing there is nothing about this walk that is about me...it forever has been and will be about the Lord...should that makes feel like a nothing? By no means...the Lord of Lord and the King of Kings...allows us to be part of His pictures!

I'm so thankful for the life lessons He teaches me...I hope and pray that if I'm still here at 95...He will still teach and I will still be willing to hear...listen and submit...

Serving Him...intentionally...

Another birthday...

Today is Katie's birthday! I've said it many times...Scott thought I wanted another baby...I thought he did...when we finally talked and realized that maybe we would wait a bit longer...well...surprise...we hadn't talked soon enough...never once from the time we found out she was on the way, however, were we either one disappointed or upset...when her brother was born I was going to have something permanently done...but Scott was very upset by that...so I didn't...I was very much ridiculed for that...but girls...guys...let me just say...that is a very important decision that affects BOTH people in your marriage...I can HONESTLY say...I think we would ALL say...one of the best decisions I've ever made...life would just not be complete without our sweet Katie...

I was trying to think how long she and Thomas were married this summer...for the life of me I couldn't remember (this will be news for her...4 years by the way!!!)...I couldn't remember because it feels like just yesterday she was living with us...giggling at night with me...her and Michael doing something crazy...and ALWAYS for a laugh...our answering machine messages are very dull without the two of them around!!! I've thought that about all of our kids a lot this summer...somewhere along the line...I blinked and they are all gone...so full circle...I can say that is true...days are forever long but the years are gone in an instant!

However, she has been gone for 4 years now...they have built an amazing life together...she has graduated college and is now beginning her 2nd year of teaching at her old high school...I've watched her fall in love with teens...through her church youth group...and through her classroom...it has been evident in the way she loves to spend time with them...attempting to pour Christ into them and disciple them in the youth group...or in the way she has set up and is running her classroom...as a true Christ follower there is NO way to conduct our lives...even our professional lives...without Him being the center...without Him...being the purpose for all that we do and how we accomplish it...I see that in our Katie...we began to see that in her...when she would pray over Mikeah in her prayer journal at the ripe old age of 6...or when she started her first Bible club...FROG...(faithful representatives of God) in the 4th grade...or this year...as I heard my sweet girl tell me...mom...I just want them to understand...life is so much bigger than homework...

That's right...life is bigger...there is more...while we need to educate ourselves...we need to do it with the purpose to understand the bigger picture...the eternal picture...I'm thankful our Katie's heart was and is to return to her school and pour into those kids for the next however many years God calls her to do this...I'm thankful for the pre-K, 1st grade and 4th grade teachers (sorry I'm a blessed mom and need you to know it!)...that are doing the same in area schools...and all those others in between that Love Jesus...therefore, they are able to better love their students...while there may be hard things we don't like in public schools...never...every forget the good...

Katie...happy birthday baby!!! I love you so much...I'm so thankful...that you Love Jesus and seems you always have...(not true people...we aren't born believers)...Katie I'm thankful you have your daddy's heart...you love Jesus like him...and you serve well like him...and you have his passion...I'm thankful you are who you are! Heather said it best all those years ago in one of her college papers...6th grade hero...but to me...just Hero...have an amazing day!

Love you
momma

The D.R.

About 3 years ago Scott and I spent the summer hearing a very intentional message from the Lord...do life with people...invest in them...in their lives...we didn't mean to hear that message all summer...however, everywhere we went...every song...message...devotion...that was the direction God took us...we both believe...as most people would...God was speaking...will we obey or not...

...we will spend the rest of our lives learning to flesh this truth out...to do life with the people and the students around us...with our family...with our friends...

...I have been scared all summer long about going to the DR...had I really prayed about it like I should or did I just want to go...was I ready...was I prepared???? Could I do this...I truly am a bit on the shy side...and especially when I'm outside my element...I felt a bit better when Scott decided to join us...but I truly did spend the summer so afraid...we took our students to Kansas City for a mission trip 2 weeks before we left for the D.R...during one of those nights...we where asked to try to imagine what Heaven sounds like...the preacher took us to a door on stage...knocked on it...listened and they played Chris Tomlin's...world version of How Great is Our God...if you haven't heard it you need too...all languages singing this amazing song...all of the sudden I could see faces in my minds eye...faces of other nations that need to hear and deserve to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ...and my fears left...

...our trip was life changing for me...I've heard all my life...in the church anyway...that even the poorest people in America are richer than most of the world...I witnessed it during our time in the D.R...and yet...they were happy people...humble...loving and kind...I fell in love with them...

...before I share this...I felt a bond with each on of my children when they were born...however, when you become a mom for that first time...you experience all those feelings for the very first time...feelings you cannot even begin to imagine...until...it happens...I remember...after Cassie was born...and everyone had gone home to rest...it was just me and her...I opened the blanket up...counted everything...remember thinking this little bold beauty was the most amazing thing! I was absolutely amazed that God would allow me to have this gift...that He would trust me with her...(and I failed...but HE redeemed that too!)...that "first" time amazement happened again in the D.R...I was lying in bed during our time there and became so overwhelmed with those emotions...that God would allow me to be apart of this...to trust me with such opportunity...it was an emotion...that just like I've had with each of my children...and even my grand children...and just like my sweet family...may I NEVER get over it...

I had the honor of sharing my testimony twice during my time there...once was for something that was hard and once for my salvation...after I shared the hard thing in my life...which was about sharing the Gospel with my dad...the pastor in the D.R...prayed for my dad...I was so overwhelmed...I pray my Dad will understand how BIG God is...that He would have someone in another country who speaks no English praying for him...

We had the honor of teaching VBS and I taught the teens with my awesome interpreter...Edrei...I was scared again that first day...but I fixed my eyes on the Lord...stopped using myself as my excuse and my worst enemy and taught...loved every single minute of it...we had a great time...we then went to 3 different, 3 different days to make reading glasses for people../so rewarding to do this for those people...there were services each night...we witnessed 18 people accept Christ during our week there...we participated in a service in the dark because there was no electricity...we survived without air conditioning...and I would do it all again in a heartbeat!

...the country was beautiful...the people were/are beautiful...and the need is great...I know look forward to our people group in India that we've adopted...I cannot wait to see their sweet faces beyond a picture...or to go to Nepal to see the faces of the ladies who make the jewelry I have the honor of purchasing...or to return to the D.R...or the faces of my 4 amazing exchange students I've had the honor of hosting in the past years....or...wherever God would lead us...

...to be a follower of Christ is to stop looking for what a church can do for me...but what can I do for HIM...it's not about me...as much as I wanted it to be...it never has been...He saved me...because He loves me...but more than that He saved me because I was such a mess...that it brings Him Great glory to redeem someone who had NO hope without HIM...it was possible ONLY through Him...isn't that the truth for us all????

Our Summer 2015...

...our summer has been a life changing experience for us both...we started our summer off with hard goodbyes to our sweet girls we shared our home with for 10 months...learning to adjust to an empty quiet home again...we moved quickly into our summer youth ministry opportunities...starting with our weekend youth retreat...while it was an amazing weekend with sweet worship and solid teaching of the Word...Scott and I had a time in our lives that was one of the toughest...it was personal...and all I can really commit on it is that God's grace is sufficient...this weekend by far was the most exhausting time of our summer...

...we had the opportunity to be apart of our local mission week...now called Connection Week again this year...it was a sweet week of ministry...pouring out and being poured into...we started the week off with 4 baptisms...had another mid week and had 2 more salvation's...we had the opportunity to minister to our area children through our day camp...work at some service projects and spent some time with some sweet people in our area nursing homes...we got to bond with some other "youth people" that we absolutely love!!!! We have been floored that God has allowed us the honor and the privilege to STILL work with students at our age...at this point we are asking Him for at least 10 more years...however much time God allows, we will be thankful...and we will continue to serve Him...until we take our last breath...

...moving on we took our high school students to Kansas City to be apart of the Global Encounter "Project"...it is an amazing ministry that we are so thankful to be a part of...we had a new opportunity this summer with them...our team was allow to be apart of a brand new church plant...we was so fun to be at ground zero...helping to engage the community with the new work in their community...again we are humbled by the experiences that God allows us to be apart of...He is so good...He does NOT need us...but He wants us...and allows us to be part of His bigger plans...

...we came home and went straight into VBS...once again...the youth class had the largest amount...let me also say...it is NOT about the numbers...however, every single year it BLOWS my mind that students...are willing to come to VBS...you know they usually think they have outgrown Vacation Bible School...and yet they come...that is a God thing...no other explanation!!!!!

...VBS family night was Thursday not and Scott and I got on a plane to head to the Dominican Republic this next morning...but that is another blog...in and of itself...

...there is so many little things the Lord has taught me this summer...I wise I could find adequate words to share them...He has stretched me this summer...asked me to do things I thought I'd never could or would never have the courage to do...and yet...through Him...His strength...and His conviction...the Lord has done great things...

...I pray you have Him...that you come to understand the purpose for this life...is HIM...it's not about us...me...you...anyone...it's about Him...and through all of this...He gives us live...and gives it to us abundantly...I know this to be true...because I've experienced this abundant life He promises...

Michael Scott....

29 years ago...I was 10 days over due...with baby number 3...hoping it was a boy...I had hoped the baby would come on Father's Day but nope...it came and went...I laughingly teased that it was waiting for Scott's birthday to make an appearance...We went to the hospital on the 22nd (for the 3rd time) and for the 3rd time was told it was false labor...ugh!!!!! BUT...the doctor said since I was overdue by 10 days he would get everything starting the next morning...so we stayed...then...at almost 3 a.m...Michael Scott made a fast and furious appearance...I would tell you all about it but not sure he would appreciate it!!!

I remember thinking what an amazing birthday gift for his father...not only another healthy baby...but a baby boy...named after him to boot!!!!! (although until his most recent adult years...Scott called him Charlie...and when is was little...Charlie Boy!) We quickly found out that Michael could NOT stand Scott...for the first year of his life he wanted nothing to do with his dad...but the next year...he turned one...and all of the sudden his dad became his hero...and he wanted to be with his dad ALL the time...Michael loves to tell the story now of how I would always take the girls to nice restaurants and never ever take him...and he is telling the truth...if we went to town shopping we did go eat...at Red Lobster or Olive Garden...but the WHOLE truth is...if his dad was anywhere near...that is where he wanted to be...I can still see him with his little hat on his head...his ear pushed out just a bit from the hat looking up to his dad...makes this momma's heart still smile!

He went on the truck with his dad...had lots of chips and Gatorade for breakfast...knew Archie well...would make his bicycle a truck and "haul" trailers all over the yard...fixed CB radios on the handlebars....a little boy with a hero he wanted to grow up and be like...

Well the little boy has grown up...and he did NOT become a truck driver...and you know what...that's OK...it's a hard life...and lots of time away from your family (Scott will tell you that!)...but this little boy DID grow up to be like his dad in the ways that matter...He loves Jesus...He loves worship (if you know Scott Griffith you know he OPENLY loves that !!!!)...and when the ONE came along...Michael did what I've always said he would do...he loves her well...he is an amazing husband...he makes things for her...he decorates her house for fall...and Christmas...and beautiful flowers in the spring/summer...he works hard for her...but more than all of these cool things that he does...and does well for Miss Beks...he loves her like Christ loves...(an example set before him by his dad!)...if you know their story...you know he has fulfilled dreams and helped to heal hurts...she loves to say...#2ndtimesacharm...

I'm am beyond grateful for my children...ALL of my children...today is Michael's day...Happy Birthday Michael...I love you so much...I'm so proud of you...and proud to able to say I'm your mom...whatever you do and wherever you go in life I'll be your biggest supporter...(well just behind Beks...she gets the honor of the biggest one now!!!)...

I love you...have an amazing day!!!!

Mom

What is a Hero???

In this day and age...what makes a hero...what is it that we women look for in our mate and who would we pray as a model for our daughters...that answer seems to be getting distorted in modern day America...

My hero looks very different from the hero of the world...he has worked hard all our lives to provide for the needs of our family...He was been our biggest cheerleader...sometimes to the point we wanted to say...shhhhh...but he still cheered!!!...

My hero has set an example of Christ like love to our kids and now our grand kids...he loves people...he loves students...and he loves to be a servant to others...even when that cost him...time...money and energy he doesn't always have...isn't that what Christ has called us to do...to follow Him...even when it is hard...uncomfortable...or costly...I have walked 33 years with my hero has he has lived this out...

I know our kids love him...they have a look of pride most of the time on their faces...when they look at him or talk about him...I'm so thankful it is like that...and it is that way...because of the man he is...and the father he has been and continues to be to them...a place of honor that I think they would all agree with me when I say he earned it...doesn't expect...earned...

But, more than that...he is MY hero...my husband, friend, mentor, lover, life partner...and the thought of us not being together scares me...

He recently fell off the pedestal I had him on...does that make him less my hero...NO...you know why...because he was put in a place that was never fair for him to be in....honestly a place that on Christ should be...hero's...my hero...knows how to point me to the ONE I need to see high and lifted up...

He has taught me what love is...he has taught me grace...he has taught me forgiveness...he has taught me laughter...he has taught me joy...he has lived out a Christ like life before me...and I believe I know Jesus today...because my hero showed me the way...

I'm thankful for him...and I want to wish him a Happy Father's day and a happy birthday...Scott Griffith...you are my favorite... 

Sofia and Sasha

Well...our year has come to an end...the girls have both been home for a week now...we heard from them both that they are safe at home...we have heard from Sofia several times...she is very EXCITED to be eating her food again!!! Her sister graduated Saturday and Sofia looked beautiful in the pictures that she sent us of that day!!!

Their room is clean now and officially our home office now...it is funny and hard at the same time how life moves on...our very first exchange daughter, Amy, is actually here in the states as I type this...however, she will not make it to Missouri this trip...if all works out the way we hope...Scott and I will step foot on her Germany and see her land in 2016...

Life does move on...but with each days interactions...we are changed...our hearts are changed...and so...as Scott and I move on to an "empty nest" again...our hearts are changed...we now have 2 more girls...daughters...that will forever be in our hearts...we think of them as we are getting ready for church on Sunday mornings...or when we sit down for a meal...or when we start to play a game...(can't do that just yet...still feels funny without them!)...I think t-bow still looks for them...my daycare kids are saying them miss them...the grand-kids are missing them...

Sofia and Sasha...our prayer for you is that you have left here knowing you are loved...knowing you are forever a part of this crazy American family...and to know that there is a God in heaven who loves you more than Finnish...Chinese or American families could even begin too!!! We also pray that you left here knowing that you have left your mark on us...on our hearts...on our church...and on the friends of MAC County...you both will forever be a part of Pierced Student Ministries...forever a MUSTANG...and...forever...and always...a Griffith...

Missing you much today! Love you both...

Scott and Lori...
A.K.A. American Dad and Mom

Where would I be???

Scott was teaching Sunday morning and just in passing he said this simple but profound statement..."I often find myself wondering...where would I be without Christ?"...I immediately began to ask myself that question...the answer scared/scares me to death! You see I understand completely that I am only standing by the grace, love and forgiveness of my Lord and my Savior! I KNOW I would be a failure at everything in life without Christ...He is were I get my hope...my strength...I desire for life...

I have struggled the past few months with discouragement...feeling tired and weary...in my flesh...thinking maybe I'd like to just sit down and take a break...not from the Lord...but from serving...I mean...that's what the American church does isn't it? We are tired...what is the first thing we take a break from? Not work...and NOT play...so Church...and in many cases...God...We are weary and discouraged...what do we do...assume God needs to change something or someone so we complain...or quit...but God has shown me very clearly that usually if not ALL the time...it is ME who needs to look in the mirror...the mirror of HIS word and see what needs to go...or change inside myself...and when I look in the mirror of HIS word...then I see the reflection God has been trying to talk to my heart about...I can assure you that it is usually not a pretty view!

As I began making notes for this post Sunday morning...Pastor Saeed Abedini came to my mind...I mean truthfully...lets talk about someone who has the right to say he is tired...weary and discouraged...and yet he can't and hasn't quit...I understand it's not like he has the freedom to walk away from the prison he has been held in for far to long...but he DOES have the freedom to deny Christ...in order to gain his freedom...and he has remained faithful to the Lord...he surely asks the question...why...and yet he follows hard and fast after Jesus...he must miss his family and wonder when or even if he will see them again...and yet...he continues to stand on the Truth of Jesus Christ...he is a living testimony of Philippians 1:20-21... I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body,whether by life or by death.  For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 

Pastor Saeed is in a battle...a physical battle for his very life...and yet he remains faithful to the One who gave it all for Pastor Saeed. However, we too...are in a battle...and while we may not be in a physical  prison...we are still in this battle...a spiritual battle (please understand Pastor Saeed's is also very much a spiritual battle!)...this spiritual battle is just as intense as other's physical battle...my fear, however, is we don't see nor do we understand how intense this battle is...for some of us we are just playing church...not truly understanding an intimate walk with Christ...for others we are so fearful of the things going on around us here in the states...that we focus on the what ifs and the what will we do when...and we forget who, ultimately, is in control...and focusing on HIM and not the thems or the whens around us! We find service hard and time consuming and we forget to look at the individuals...be that an adult of a child...that God places in our path...we forget as believers we are still here walking this earth...because they need someone to tell them...  How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news! Romans 10:14-15...that is why we are here...

We get wrapped up in our own lives...and the activities of our jobs, free time or our kids and we forget none of that will matter at the end of life...none of it...if they got a scholarship...if we got a huge promotion...if we had an important position in the church...none of that matters...only what matters is what we did with Christ...He demands and deserves the number 1 spot in our lives...we can't walk in fear of what if...we aren't promised tomorrow anyway...we can't walk in a hunger for success...we aren't promised tomorrow anyway...we can't live our lives sold out to the desires of our children...ultimately we will INDIVIDUALLY stand before the Lord...I will stand...my husband will stand (and it won't be together)...and our children will stand before Him...pouring into one another's spiritual life is more important than the busy activities we can so easily get wrapped up in...

Our pastor said last Sunday...humility is understanding who we are in light of who God is...and low self esteem...when I walk in that (those of you who know me, understand why I'm sharing this...) am I giving God praise and honor for what I KNOW He has done in and through me...never thought of it like that before...eye opening...because even though I have and will continue to mess up...I KNOW Christ has done a miracle in my life...

So I close with this thought...maybe it is time I get over myself...but may I NEVER get over HIM...

 In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. Eph. 4:1-3...the Message

same verses...different version...

 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called,  with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love

Miles apart...

I cannot get Scott off my mind today (more so than usual!!!)...it is Sunday morning on his side of the world...and he is worshiping our Lord...with our people...oh how I wish I was with him...I know his heart is over joyed today! I know he is bouncing...I know he is oozing Jesus...I know his passion is increasing...I know he is experiencing a bit of heaven today!!!!

This is why he went...they are the reason he prays fervently and faithfully...most, if not all of what he experiences will not be able to be on social media the for safety of our people and those who love them daily...but anytime you want to talk...just ask...we can talk!!!

Tomorrow morning as I go to church...and worship with our people here...that we love so much...I know Scott's heart will be thinking of us...and if all works as planned...we will get to see his sweet face for a few minutes through modern day technology...and we will worship the Lord...for a minute as one body...not this church or that church...but ONE body in Christ...

It's all about You...Jesus
and ALL this is for You
for Your glory and Your fame...

I love this song...I pray I will live my life...fleshing this truth out...it is NOT about us...it is about HIM...HIS name and renown...

Isaiah 26:8...Yes Lord, walking in the ways of Your laws, we wait for You...Your name and renown ARE the desire of our hearts...YES LORD...YES LORD...

overwhelmed...

what the future holds...

Well another birthday for one of my girls....they are starting to get old enough now they don't really want me to share their ages...so...since I want them to respect my...let's not mention the age agenda...I will respect theirs as well!!!!

What does our future hold...is kind of what I was thinking the day I found out Heather was on her way...Cassie was 6 months old the day I found out we were expecting Heather...mind blowing now but...it was exciting times...I think I felt better with that pregnancy than any of the others...she came into the world fast and furious...she was home before she was even 18 hours old!

This year holds new opportunities for her...she and Donnie will be going to Peru on a mission trip this summer...and they are taking the twins...I'm beyond excited for those kids to be introduced to this kind of work at such a young age...

I pray this year is a year of wonder and amazement for her and her family! I am thankful she is mine...

I love you Heather Michelle...happy birthday!!!

what a week it has been!!!!

Well...it has been an overwhelming week! God has and continues to teach me so much through it grace, mercy and His word! I almost back out of the ladies conference because my emotions were still so raw and fresh...but I went and I am so glad I did...had a GREAT time with my sweet sisters in Christ...experienced some amazing worship, and heard the Word proclaimed...God continued to speak...like He ALWAYS does if we will just be willing to listen!...

He continues to remind me and teach me that He has to be first in my life...even above Scott and the kids...so I have my things I'm thankful for...but this list is about my husband who is in India for the next 2 weeks...however, the list starts with my #1...

1. Jesus
2. Scott loves Jesus with an all consuming passion
3. Scott loves me no doubts...don't understand it...
4. He is the best dad (in my opinion) in the world!
5. He is an amazing poppy to the six sweet little ones we call our own...
6. He has and does work so very hard (truth be told, too hard) to provide for us
7. I'm thankful we are able to serve teens side by side...and when that time ends...I know that we will STILL have a heart and a connection with them.
8. Thankful Scott is a man who was able to love his dad and have an amazing relationship with him...I know that relationship helped form the man I love today...
9. He is so stinkin funny!
10. he loves laughter
11. he has a joy...and it is contagious
12. I love his hairy chest...one of the first things I was attracted too...the back is another story!
13. I love to watch him get wound up as he is teaching
14. I love how he sang to Harold during those last few hours
15. I love how he shared on Willie's first Sunday in heaven about how everyone said what a good man Willie was...and he WAS...but Scott went on to share that his dad was in heaven NOT because he was a good man but because he had a relationship with Jesus Christ...even in his pain...sharing truth..
16. how he holds me in his arms...this side of heaven...that is the place I feel the safest...
17. the way he love his brothers and sisters...pray our kids will have that too...always and forever
18. the way he is on the edge of his seat as Steve and Patti share what God is doing on their side of the world
19. I absolutely love to see him worship...
20. His example he lives out in every area...no one else on earth knows him like me...and whether you like him or not...he is the real deal...you get what you see...
21. even though they are long sometimes...I love to hear him pray...so much passion
22. I love our evening swims
23. I love his silly texts (goofy!)
24. I love to dance with him in our living room
25. I love the way he makes our church...louder....

I am blessed...I have a Savior...who has saved me...and blessed me with my best friend...pray for him over the next 2 weeks please...

Journey along with me...as I journal...

So day 2...and God's Word comes more and more alive...!!!! I read several scriptures about the love the Lord has for us...His children...here are a few...only giving you the references...look them up, read and soak up God's love letter to you...:

Romans 5:8
Romans 8:35-39
Ephesians 3:17-19
Psalms 147:3
Romans 8:31
Psalms 103:8
Psalms 62:8
but the one God used the most this morning was Isaiah chapter 43...the whole thing!!! When I go through stuff...He is there...He has called me by name!

So thankful for the time spent with Him...

Philippians 4:6-7 again...Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God and the peace of God which transcends ALL understand WILL guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus...

25 things I'm thankful for:

1. Jesus (gonna say that one every day)
2. the Word
3. Hope
4. my mom and tucker
5. Kevin, Corinne and Kevin's kiddos
6. my dad
7. Steve, Karen and their families
8. living on the family farm
9. Kharwar people and learning more about them
10. Having known Willie Griffith and the honor of calling him my father in law for 31 years
11. Amy-so grateful that after all these years we still communicate- hope to see her twice in the coming year!
12. Harold in our lives and being with him to the very end...a holy moment in my life for sure!
13. Betty Jo...always and forever
14. Mike and Carol, Donna, Johnny and Jill, Phyllis and Lyndon blessings that came with our extras
15. Linda-my mother in law
16. the way God blesses us with extras in our lives such as Walt and Miss Pat
17. laughter
18. Joy
19. Peace-you know the kind that transcends ALL understanding
20. even with it being a bit scary theses days...I'm thankful I live in America
21. My ability to cook
22. the spiritual gifts the Lord has trusted me with
23. healing
24. our Local Mission Trip
25. the heartbeat I've had the honor of witness through Global Encounter Ministries.

until the words come again...

Out of darkness out of shame

Not real sure how to start today...words are rolling around my head like crazy today...I experienced something last night between me and the Lord that I'm not sure I've ever really experienced before...and for a while I lost my way...and I forgot how to let God do the work needed in my life at that point...I've been trying for months and months to overcome in my flesh...crying out to the Lord for Him to help me...to do it...I told Scott last night...I know I CANNOT do this...God has to do it...but how...how do I let Him do it...how do we let go enough to allow Him to heal us...change us and make us into who He desires us to be...I had some amazing people just pouring scripture into me last night...the Lord gave me some additional ones...I knew it was all truth...but that stupid 12 inches from my head to my heart was a very LONG way last night...I wept over the truths I was seeing in His word...and while I felt lost in a very dark place...I could cling to hope...to that little bitty light that never every left me...that tiny flicker...penetrated the darkness...

Before I write more today I want to tell you why I'm writing...there was a Christian group several years ago by the name of Watermark. They got their name from the watermarks they had seen on houses after flood waters had gone down. There are times and experiences, heartaches and tragedies  that make a mark on our lives and it is important to be able to go back and see those times...to be reminded...not of our failures...or even our own successes...but to see where God was and is...and the grace, mercy and victories He gives us...not because we deserve them...but simply because He loves us...He loves you...and He loves me...I love being reminded of those times...like this one...http://grammyshomepage.blogspot.com/2009/11/isnt-god-amazing.html

So today is a new day...there is snow on the ground...when I opened my eyes it was bright in our room...the light was evident...in my flesh I could just say...OK last night is over and that is that...but the TRUTH is, a battled started last night...I cannot get up today and pretend it is over...mind you, a victory WAS had last night but there is more fighting to do...as I opened the word this morning...the very first answer, to so many questions running through my mind, was revealed to me...it was the statement I told Scott last night...how do I let go and let the Lord do this in me...through HIS WORD!!!! That is how...it is alive...it is LIFE TRANSFORMING...it speaks to mankind...and it speaks to my individual heart...oh the things He said to me just this morning...

Just a few truths He said to me this morning...I hope you find hope in them as well...

John 10:27 My sheep listen to My voice...I heard Him last night...He was calmly reminding me of truths over the screams of the enemy of my soul...and the choice now...hear it...claim it...trust it...cling to it...rest in it...

One of my most favorite places in the Bible is Exodus 14:13...I love this promise...(read it...it is sooo good!!!)...but that promise is in the Word again...2 Chronicles 20:17...thank you Jesus!!!! These verses go with another favorite of mine that God has used many times in my life...Psalm 46:10...Lord continue to teach me to be still...and to KNOW...

Deut. 32:10...as a child of the one true King we are called the apple of His eye...and again in Zechariah 2:8-my Bible notes says this..."this is speaking of the pupil...a delicate part of the eye essential for vision...therefore must be protected AT ALL COST",,,I'd say Christ laying His life down...was AT ALL COST...

I was encouraged to write Philippians 4:6-7 down today (and the next many coming days) then make a list of 25 things I have to be thankful for...so here is the scripture and list number 1:

Do NOT be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding WILL guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus...

1. I am a child of the One True KING
2. Scott loves me
3. 4 kids that survived me and came out somehow still loving Jesus...to the point they desire to serve Him
4. 6 beautiful grandchildren I adore
5. friends-true friends that love me and I love them
6. a Bible I can read and through the power of the Holy Spirit I can understand
7. those teens I love to teach
8. ladies Bible study-whether I'm teaching or not
9. being a part of EBC all of it...then entire 24...almost 25 years...
10. Scott's support
11. God's provisions
12. my job
13. ministry opportunities
14. my children in laws...Jesse, Donnie, Thomas and Miss Beks
15. a home God paid for and provided
16. Sofia and Sasha
17. Country life and living
18. my health
19. weight watchers
20. Jenna Buettemeyer
21. online daily Bible reading I'm doing this year
22. Conviction
23. JD and Heather
24. Jim and Kim
25. Jesus

I will be doing this for the next however many days...

I know this is a lot...but that is because God has a HUGE mess and a HUGE job with me...I will see this in a year and be blown away by the healing and love He is pouring down on me...but I hope and I pray that just maybe someone else who reads this will see the hope that I was reminded of last night...

The count down begins...

Scott will be leaving in 9 days...he is more excited this year than he was last! I've been so concerned this year about him going alone...he just smiles and tells me he hates that I am worried but he is excited and 100% positive it is important that he go...I am still concerned but I am walking in more peace that I was a month ago!

He has been spending the last month attempting to prepare and make final plans with the personal on the ground there...He, JD and our personal where Skyping the other day and I was able to listen to some of the call...I kept thinking of the 20 plus years ago when our family headed overseas and how much "easier" it is now with the technology that we have and the ability to communicate with each other now...I was thinking how...20 years ago...we wouldn't be able to make the plans like he has now...he would just go and see what would happen...now a plan can be formed of some kind! However, we've learned over the years, that anytime we are doing the work of ministry we need to be "fluid, Much like a river you never know when it may turn be bumpy but you just flow...and anyone who knows Scott Griffith knows he can do that for sure!!! Probably easier than any of us...it's funny...he HATES change more than any of our family...but then it comes to opportunities like this he can change in a heartbeat with no trouble...another God thing I would say!!!!

But the part that I was most overwhelmed with was at the end of the visit...before they all hung up...our personal overseas prayed...we all prayed together 1000's of miles apart!

My family who have lived overseas for so many years now was in the states several years ago and they invited us to go to a Chinese church with them...while there we were singing...and some of the hymns I knew...we sang them in English while the church body sang them in their language...I was overwhelmed with the thought of God hearing us all no matter where we are or how we speak...and then the thought of what heaven will be like with all of the different languages and colors...in the presence of His radiance!...I felt the same way when those 3 men prayed together the other morning, spread so many miles apart and yet their unified prayer has heard by our Father...

I remember thinking so many years ago that Scott and I would never have the money to travel...not for ministry work...not for fun...that just wouldn't be something we would get to do...but God had other plans...and while you couldn't put a pencil to it and explain how in the world financially what little traveling we've done happened...God has provided it...100% .  This year Scott goes to India...this summer I will go to the Dominican Republic and our prayer and hope next year we will go to India together...

Life lessons I've learned over the years...when God calls you...He provides...the provision can look like many different things...but never ever forget to give HIM the glory for it...I was taught this many years ago and was reminded of it just this week...if it is God's will...it is God's bill...we are a walking testament to that!

Until the words come again...

PRONE...

      O to grace how great a debtor 

 daily I'm constrained to be! 

 Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
bind my wandering heart to thee. 

 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 

 prone to leave the God I love; 

 here's my heart, O take and seal it, 

 seal it for thy courts above. 

We sang this song on Sunday morning...and these particular words hit me so hard...

I don't know about you but this is my life...in a few short words...

I love Him...I serve Him...I am passionate about Him...and then...something happens...a struggle maybe or a trial or a simple distraction...and my heart that is SO prone to wander...begins that journey of going the wrong way...yet again...

One thing the Lord has really been talking to me about is always being so negative...not saying positive things about others...and ALWAYS seeing my glass of circumstances 1/2 empty instead of 1/2 full...now this is a habit in my life and so I'm determined to begin being more positive...looking for the positive...and you might ask how this week has gone...well...I haven't spewed negativity out all week...but I have just been quiet which is not the end result I believe the Lord would want from me...so once again I am a work in progress...

The other issue...is my addiction...I'm still circling the mountain...and every step of that daily circle I can CLEARLY hear the Lord say...haven't you circled this LONG ENOUGH!!! Get up and move north...please pray...while we as humans attempt to put our sins in categories...they are all even and level at the foot of the cross...and this addiction is a sin the Lord has convicted me of...I am learning that no matter what,  He loves me...God's love for me...for us is NOT based on our victories over sin...even when I feel like a complete failure...He loves me... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF1jrI6dbFg

So what now...well I am at a fork the road of my life...I can go the wrong way...the way of my Savior...or I can sit down and quit...which I REFUSE TO DO...I will not quit...He is with me...so I will go on with Him...and there will be times that I THINK I am taking the right way...and find out a few steps into it that I was wrong...but He loves me anyway and He will lead me the correct way...if I will submit to Him...and there will be times that I will take the correct path...but do you know what,  He still loves me...the same...for God so loved the world that He gave His son...He loved and He gave and thank goodness it is NOT dependent on me!

My name is Lori...and I am a food addict...and I am a messed up woman...but I am loved and redeemed by Jesus Christ...my Savior...I am a work in progress and until I draw my last breath I will be a work in progress...

I'm a process...

I'm not really sure how to even start today...God has been moving in my life...slowly I'm learning a few things HE is pouring into me...this process we call life...is so scary at times and yet so amazing!!!

God is opening my eyes to new and fresh things on a daily basis...that is daily...when I am willing to take time to listen to Him...He has brought His Word alive and fresh to me...showing small things that I've read many, many times and yet over looked...just pain never saw before...love it!!! It truly is alive!!!

There are so many things in my life that distract me from the Lord...He is beginning to show me all the things and or people that I have allowed to take His place in my life that is reserved only for Him...If only I, we will learn that if we love the Lord the way He calls us to...we are able to love the others in our life so much better...so much more complete!!!

Here are just a few of the lessons He has taught me in the past 3 weeks...

The movie "Facing the Giants"...the death crawl scene...when coach Taylor is down on his knees with Brock...screaming in his ear....I know it's hard...don't you give up...your VERY best...give me your VERY best...God has shown me before that He is like that with me...every step that I think is too hard...He is with me...every single one...telling me to not give up...don't your quit...your VERY best...but this time I realized a new concept...He is telling me...I KNOW IT'S HARD...I KNOW IT HURTS...GIVE ME YOUR VERY BEST...HOWEVER, He is NOT saying...I knew you'd quit...I knew you'd fail...I KNEW YOU COULDN'T DO IT...MY FATHER DOES NOT DEGRADE!!!! He encourages me and takes every step to victory with me...so on those days that are extra hard...how can I possibly think I will fail..."IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO (OR WHAT) CAN BE AGAINST US" Romans 8:31

I have also started to go thru the "Made to Crave" study again by Lysa Terkeurst...at this point...this is what I've learned to stare strait at and confess...this sin..."I had to get honest enough to admit it: I relied on food more than I relied on God. I craved food more than I craved God. Food was my comfort. Food was my reward. Food was my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness and even in times of happiness"...wow...still letting all this soak in...LORD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO BREAK FREE!!! "IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO (OR WHAT) CAN BE AGAINST US" Romans 8:31

A song that God is using in my life right now during this time is this one:
Keep Making me by Sidewalk Prophets...

Make me broken
So I can be healed
'Cause I'm so calloused
And now I can't feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make me empty
So I can be filled
'Cause I'm still holding
Onto my will
And I'm completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
'Til You are my one desire
'Til You are my one true love
'Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI1obeb3A9c

Another lesson...(I know...He has ALOT to say...when I will listen!!!!)

Much like Jonah...I've been saying...Lord I'll doing anything...except this ONE thing...it is just to hard...I can't do it...(He is in my hear...I KNOW it's hard...KEEP going...your VERY best!!!)
I have realized that my sin is over taking me like seaweed around my head!!!! Jonah 2:5...I also realized that I...me...Lori...am choosing to give up...in Jonah 2:8 it says...those who cling to worthless idols forfeit God's love for them...if you go on to read verse 9 it says...BUT I with SHOUTS of GRATEFUL praise will SACRIFICE to you!!! Luke 9:23...to be HIS follower I MUST...deny myself...take up my cross  DAILY and follow HIM...so the choice once again comes down to me...surrender my will to HIS or not...even on those days that it is so very stinkin hard!!!!...let me close with this scripture 2 Corinthians 12:9..."My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness"...

Lord keep teaching me...
Another song that speaks to my heart...Cannons by Phil Wickham...I'm so unworthy but still you love me...forever my heart will sing of our great you are...learning to love You first...

Where does the time go...

Today she turns another year older...she has gotten to the point in her life now where she might not appreciate it if I share that number so...I won't...But Cassie celebrates today another year of life!

We are all thankful for her and what she means to each one of use individually...as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, daughter in law, sister in law and friend.

God has done amazing things in her life and I got to witness the start of some of those beginnings...obviously I was there when she took that first breath...first step...first day of school...first crush...which honestly I think was Jesse...(I think!)...but the memory that stands out the most in this momma's mind today...is the day she called me in a panic...she knew overwhelmingly that something wasn't right in her life...and she was ready for it to be!...in a small country store...she asked Jesus Christ to come into her life...and from that point on...God has began a new work in her...

Today she was 4 little ones of her own...I'm sure...telling happy birthday! I would even venture to say she will have a picture or two to go on her fridge or to display in her classroom...today she has a husband that loves her unconditionally, who works hard for her in the elements to provide for her...today she has siblings that love, respect and look up to their big sister...and today she has a mom that wants to wish her the best day ever!!!!

I love you Cas!

no resolutions this year...just an intense desire to learn...

Well 2015 is here! I think I am going into 2015 more excited than I have the last few years. We've had a few hard things to learn to live with the last 2 years...and God's grace has truly been just what He promised us...SUFFICIENT!

He has began to speak to me about some thing that has hit my heart very hard...I have pondered Revelation 2:4 for some time now..."but this I have against you...that you have left your first love"...Wow...over and over in my mind this is rolled around the last year of my life probably...until 2 weeks ago...then I heard a word from the Lord I wasn't prepared to hear...you see I've asked Him over and over to help me to return to Him...my first love...then 2 weeks ago...once again I was thinking what needs to change...what do I need to walk away from? What do I need to put down...or maybe I need to pick something up in obedience...Lord please show me...I'm ready...

The answer from Him was tough...hard to swallow...this is my first to even share it...except with a sweet friend this morning...He...the Lord...my Savior...very clearly told me...Lori...how can you return to something you've never had?...now mind you...I'm not saying I am not saved...I am saved through the blood of Jesus Christ...I will spend eternity in Heaven...that is not what I'm talking about...but He very clearly revealed to me that I haven't ever loved HIM first...most...sold out...Deuteronomy 6:5..."you shall love the Lord your God with all heart and with all your soul and with all your might"...in my words...with every single fiber of my being...and more than anything...or anyone and that...is where it gets to the heart of my issue...

I love God...I love my Savior, Jesus Christ...I have personally experienced miracles from Him...I know His power...I know His love...but...He has blessed me with an incredible man to walk this life with...a man who, I believe even sets this example for me...but I think the.truth is...I know he (Scott) is my first love...and God blessed me with 4 amazing kids...and 6 grand-babies...and they may be in the 2nd place...

I remember when I first realized...I mean...really, really got it that Scott loved the Lord MORE than he loves me...and I was...I hate to even confess...jealous...and now...I'm so thankful that he does...that he is able to love Jesus more...because of that we are still standing...and I'm thankful for the example he lives out before me and our family...I can honestly say that the jealousy has been gone for many years now...because he loves Jesus first he can and does love me better...

And so a new journey begins in my life...I've asked the Lord to help me to fall in love with Him in a new and fresh way...to look above, over and past my husband, kids and grand kids to see Him first...to love Him first...to desire Him and his will first in my life...even when that is hard...or difficult or scary...

Already just today...I believe He is showing me that I must be in love with His word...that is the main way I will clearly hear from Him...it is the way I will  know Him better...

I hope to keep you informed about this...I know I am not the only one who struggles with this...we know we are secure in our salvation...but we don't put Him in His place that not only He should have...but the place He says He must be..."If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross DAILY and follow me...Luke 9:23"

As a wife and a momma...and now a Grammy...sometimes, because of the tugs and pulls on us it is hard to put God first...but ladies...the best example we can set for our husbands and kids is to show them that in ones life...God must come first...that may mean...we let them wait while we study God's word...or we attend a bible study...to we go for a walk...or run with praise music in our ears...and they are not ignored but they are not first...remember what I told you about Scott...he is able to love me better because he loves HIM best...They may not understand it...and they may not even like it...but...because are learning to love the Lord best...we WILL be better wives, mommas, grammys, employees, friends...church members...we just will be...and so the journey begins...please pray for me...