Beks....

Now mind you that is NOT what I call her...that is Michael's sweet words for her...and we love her so much...Bekah came into our lives just a few short months ago but it feels like she has been part of our family for ever and always...I think that is because God had it pre-destined for her to be one of us! I usually write for my kids on their birthdays and b/c I've been so quiet lately I missed Bekah's birthday...So Bekah...forgive me being a slacker...

While you already fit us...we are still getting to know each other and it is exciting to learn new things about you...

you are an amazing young woman...the one...we've prayed for, for 26 years now...the one that will complete Michael as he walks thru life as a man pursing the Lord...I see that you encourage that in him and for that I'm so thankful...I can't wait until I look into his eyes as you walk down the isle to his arms and become his wife...just so you know...even though he was giving you a hard time in the kitchen last night...I saw a glimpse of that look in his eyes last night as he looked at you...I pray you see it every time you look into his eyes...during the times of you guys being ooey...gooey together, the times you are tired together and even the times you are frustrated with each other...

some things I've come to love about Miss Bekah Crawford...
-her love for my son...
-the confidence she gives Michael
-her ability to love her future nieces and nephews
-her ability to just come in and be one of us
-the fact that she will just come in and flop on my bed like my girls do
-the way you squeal with excitement
-the way you match Michael (being a tight wade I mean!)
-the way you care about the education you are giving to your students
-your joy
-your love for bible study
-the way you look at my son...

Happy belated blog written birthday sweet girl...let the wedding count down begin!...
love ya,
the REAL one (inside joke)...

...out with the old...and in with the new...

It has been sometime since I've blogged...the words have simply not been there...I have been quiet with most people in my life lately...my husband, my kids, my Lord...my friends...I have...for lack of better words...just tried to disappear...feeling lost...scared...frustrated...and other emotions that are there too!

When I started weight watchers the first of the year...I said I'd be open and honest...even vulnerable...and I think I have been some of the time...and others...I just don't talk about it!...I did great the first 5 months of the program and I have struggled the rest of the year...it has been hard...old habits have never really been broken...it's hard...I like for people to tell me how great I look but I hate to be the "different" one having to eat the "different" food...so needless to say for 7 months...it has been the same 5 pounds up and down....the one thing I HATE to hear when I go to my meetings is...if you gained weight...if you are honest with yourself you probably know why...and truth is...YES WE KNOW WHY...OK!!!!

Well the same is true in my walk with the Lord...when I feel distant from Him...if I'm honest with myself...I've walked with Him long enough now...that I know why the distance is there...and THAT my friends is where I've been the last few months...there is a HUGE gap between myself and my Lord...and I am miserable when I am there...and yet...I allow it...I wrote a letter to my pastor and his wife a.ka. my friends...and asked for prayer...she promptly wrote me back saying she was praying and added a few self check points to the email...and all 3 points she added I needed to remember b/c they all three are my problem...1. no daily time with my Lord, 2. sin (keeping that one to myself thank you!)...but still there and 3. she asked me if my priorities where in check...and of coarse NO THEY are not!...and while I needed that reminder...to bring the truth I already knew to the front of my mind...it still felt like I was in a fog...until yesterday...I really wanted to just stay home yesterday...I was emotional and I knew if someone was nice to me I'd fall apart...and UNFORTUNATELY we go to a very NICE church...so there were lots of tears on my part...then we began worship...and I felt the Lord's presence so clearly...we began to sing the song "Offering" and we sang..."there is no shadow...in Your presence" and like a ton of bricks...the wall I'd built around myself was crushed...that was it...I had been in the shadow for months now and in the shadow...I can't feel His presence! In the shadow is darkness and when Satan can keep us there he robs us of the Lord's presence...a place I allowed myself to be...so now...I begin the journey back...yet again...to the safe arms and presence of my sweet savior...I'm so thankful that He purses me...I'll never understand it...why He does it but I'm forever and eterally thankful for it...again, I say...it is real...this relationship thing with the Lord...He reminded me of it yesterday as He pulled me back...and today as I read in Joshus...Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you...So I need to be gettin' myself ready...thank you Lord...
Offering...amazing song...

thank you for the reminders...

What a glorious Sunday it is today! The air is cool and crisp in the beautiful fall ozarks! Reminds every season...that life moves on and we must follow it...

I have the honor of leading another ladies Bible study this fall...it is called "Get a Life" and I thought it would be just a simple "beginners" Bible Study...however, it has been a very good...personal study and I'm so thankful the Lord directed us to this study...how we found this study is a complete story all in it's own...for another day...

This week we are learning that a busy life does not mean a full and abundant life...and do you want to know how my week has gone...well class is tonight so...I did 4 of the 5 days yesterday morning and the last one this morning...so can we say busy and unfocused? The main focus of this weeks study is to have an eternal perspective...one question that I've pondered now for many hours...what is a reward I've earned that I've found pride in...as a stay at home mom...other than a certificate for the homeroom mom over the years...I haven't received "those" kinds of rewards...so my thoughts were on other rewards...those that I believe as much as we can take them with us when we leave this earth...I will...so my favorites:

     The song Michael wrote and sang for me on Mother's Day...only he and I
     can truly understand the deep meaning of that song...

     The honor and trust my daughters allow me as I keep my grandchildren.
     again, only a few can understand why this is extra special to me...

 And another...today as I sat in class and listened to my husband pour into 27 teens...why you might ask...well...wow...what an honor...and also...I just had memories flood my mind of Emmanuel Baptist Church...I counted 27 in the youth room today, which is the old santuctary of the church...when the church begin 22 years ago...we had 23 people...that is men, women and children...God is so good!

God showed me this verse also this morning...Ps. 89:15...

¹⁵ Happy are the people who know the joyful shout;
Yahweh, they walk in the light of Your presence.
What a picture of the bride of Christ...if you read this most likely you know the man I've called mine for almost 31 years now...he knows the JOYFUL SHOUT...I'm thankful for the Lord...my salvation...my husband how gets it...really gets it...what life is about...what is important...what our purpose for being here is...the Lord has used him in so many lives...but none more than my life and those of our children and now our grandchildren...

Then we had an amazing worship service this morning...I've learned to appreciate the older hymns...many people have ugly attitudes about the "new" worship songs and I don't get that...but I'm guilty at times of having the same attitude about the "old" hymns...but just think about these words...

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:
be thou mine inheritance now and always;
be thou and thou only the first in my heart;
O Sovereign of heaven, my treasure thou art.
I'm overwhelmed today by HIM...I don't deserve HIM and yet inspite of all that..inspite of myself...He loves me anyway...

 

 

Reminding lessons...

Reminding...that is what God is so good to do in my life...remind me of who He is...and reminding me of who I am not...reminding me of His great love and His great mercies that are new...and fresh every single morning of my life...if only I will trust it and walk in these truths...

I have a sweet friend and mentor that I love more than words could ever say...she has walk beside me thru...literally my darkest days...she reminded me of a story in the Bible...the one with great pain and loss with little answers...at first...Lazarus...she reminded me...both sisters said...Lord if you had been here this wouldn't have happened...you know at that point in their life...it just didn't look like they dreamed it would...they hoped it would...they prayed it would...and yet all along our Lord knew EXACTLY what He was doing...for the GREATER glory...for the glory of God the Father to be seen...

What in your life is the greater glory of God that WILL be seen...honest answer...most of us probably simply do not know that yet...it is a scary question...because will it be something we recognized immediately or not...is it something that will be relatively painless or will be be agonizing? Will we walk through it willingly our will we fight it ever step of the way...

The Lord brought another reminder to me today...we were singing how great is our God...ending the song with the chorus to "how great thou art"...and I was overwhelmed with emotion...emotion for my sweet family seeking answers...guidance...overwhelmed with the fact that I am a walking testiment to His hand on a life...

As a very young child...not raised in a christian home...I had the priviledge of going to church camp one summer...and I bought the sheet music to "how great thou art" (still have it)...I was probably about 10 years old...I was reminded today of a young 10 year old girl laying on the picnic table in her backyard...thinking of those words...

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

I remember thinking how there must have been something so much bigger than I could every see or image in my little world...something...that I now  understand was becking me...

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.
Something or someone who had made all this that  I could see with my 10 year old eyes...I didn't understand it at the time...but it absolutely facinated me...

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.
never got this then...but oh the thought of this now...makes me fall to my knees in thankfulness...knowing I received it but not understanding why He would offer it...

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
and finally...if this doesn't make you want to jump a pew then you have got some SERIOUS issues...I try to image this...as hard as I tried as a 10 year old child to image the "bigger" picture then...something beckoning me...and something I long to see...but will not fully understand until I see it...

 

I had 100's of  images of my life flash through my mind this morning as I could see myself lying on that old picnic table...to where I am today...my wedding day...my babies being born...my salvation...my struggles...my hope...Through Christ...my ministry...friends...family...loses...gains...victories...life...my life

 

and so...I find myself pondering all that He has reminded me of lately and while I don't know what the future holds...for me...for us...I do know WHO holds the future...I know that He loves me, us, no matter what, I know it is ultimately about Him and not me,  and THAT is the reminder that will get me through the night...into tomorrow and into the future...thank You JESUS...

Katherine....

that's what alot of people thought we should name her...Katherine Elizabeth...my word can you just imagine being 5 years old and trying to learn how to spell it...our Katie has always been very smart but that just may very well have turned her love for learning into pure hate!

Her birthday has come and gone and by a kind reminder...I realized I haven't blogged about her 22nd year yet...so here we go...

Katie you have a zeal for life that I wish I saw in more people...a passion for others that we could all take a lesson from...a devotion to your family...(if you mess with her family...she may not say it but she WILL think...you are ugly on the inside AND the outside!)...that makes us all know we are loved and valued!

I'm so proud of the woman you have become...I've been a little on the sentimental side lately, and so I've remember so many things as all you kids were growing up...we were so sure after Michael we were done with our family...Oh how much we all would have missed without you!

Sorry I wrote this late to you...you have and continue to be one of my biggest heros...(as well as your other siblings...each of you in your own very important way)...I'm thankful you have so much of your daddy in you...

here is to you Katie Elizabeth...I love you!

Momma

Hims not a father...Hims a daddy...

We have had an amazingly busy past few weeks. Michael has been crazy busy working on Maw Maw's house. He is remodeling it and hopes to be living there before Christmas...Mom's not sure how on offical empty nest will be but I'm must admit I am drooling over his bedroom...our entire married life (minus the first 12 months) we have been cramped in our room...to help make room for all our children...so now after Katie's departure we have a guest room/toy room and as Michael begins his new adventure called life we will not longer have the "Griffith Trucking" office in our bedroom...we will have an office and a work area for crafts...I plan to be able to sewing in this room as well as do some scrapbooking...so we will see if that will be enough to help overcome the empty nest...I remember thinking many many years ago...this day would never come and if it did...well I'd already be dead so it wouldn't matter...but the days crept by and the years sped by and now I'm facing a new time in my life...I realized the other day that I have NEVER spent the night alone...even when Scott was gone all the time...at least one kid was here with me...I think Tbow may be my new best friend and protector on the nights that Scott is out of town...just another change though and I'm learning more and more the although change is not always fun it is just part of life and if change is not happening...why not? It is all we know anymore...we are even getting...dare I say...accustomed to it...

 

I think I may have spoken about this before but as I sat in church yesterday...we were singing "What a wonderful Maker"...and as we sang..."and the heart of a Father"...I couldn't help but think of a conversation I had with our little Caleb the night before...his dad gave him ice cream and Michael and I told him to say...thank you Father...Caleb curled up his little nose and said..."hims not a Father...hims a DADDY" and that is what I thought about God yesterday...He has the heart of a Father...but He desires to have such a personal relationship with us that He is our daddy...I have not experienced that on earth...I have a dad and a wonderful stepfather but to be able to call my dad...daddy never happened and I think I was way to old to call my stepdad that...and yet has I've witnessed my own kids be able to call their father...daddy...(some still do to this day)...I thought someday I'll have that and now I do...in the ultimate DADDY...my heavenly Father...the other night I was so worried about something I couldn't even calm down enough to sleep...and then I started saying...over and over again...what time I am afraid...I WILL trust in YOU...and I drifted off to sleep...with my head in my Daddy's lap finding peace and comfort there...

 

I have someone else in my life that I can find that as well...in Scott...who is who he is all the time...take him or leave him but he is not fake, he is not one way at home, another way at work and yet another way at church...there is a scripture in Acts 4:13 at the end, it said people recognized they had been with Jesus...that is a picture of Scott and I so desire for that to be true in my life, my children's lives and my grandchildren...nothing and I mean nothing else matters....I don't care if we are rich or if we are good at an activity or even what others think of us as long as they can recognize that we have been with Jesus...what a heritage to pass on!

 

Ephesians 5:1-2 says..."Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."

 

Can we say this is how we live our lives...pleasing God and not men...JD was preaching yesterday and he said..."is it all about others?"...and I thought..yes I try to live a life to help others...but he wasn't done with his question...and the rest of the question...pierced my heart...he said..."OR is it all about God..." I think I get in such a hurry I don't slow down enough to think about the whole picture and who the picture belongs to...it IS all about God...may we be found...Imitators of God in EVERYTHING we do...as a sacrifical aroma pleasing to the Lord...

 

so here is a poorly asked qustion but I gotta ask anyway...Who's your daddy??? some of you can say I have the best daddy this side of heaven (my kids can all 6 say that)....and if that is true...can you even begin to imagine how much greated our heavenly Daddy will be? and if you can't say that...yours wasn't, isn't good...or maybe you didn't have one...can I just tell you...you do have a Daddy and he gave everything up for you...and He loves you. This doesn't mean He keeps us from ever walking thru a trial or hard time...BUT it does mean you will never walk thru it alone...never, ever...and on those nights you are scared or overcome with things...you can lay your head in his lap...like I did last week and you can sleep and find rest as He holds you...



lesson I'm learning...still...again...never ending...

The Lord has been speaking to my heart for quite some time now...I feel very withdrawn and quiet these days which is how I am when He is speaking...sometimes I am quiet because I'm trying to listen and learn...and other times I'm quiet because I'm being rebellious and simply attempting to ignore everything He is saying to me...

This time I'm in between those two I think...although truth be told you can't be in between...you are either obeying or you aren't simple as that! I have lost a grand total of 33 pounds since I've started weight watchers and while that is a success it is by FAR not the success I must achieve to be obedient and to be healthy...and it is by FAR not the success I'd hoped to have achieved 8 full months into this journey...I know the reason I've failed...I want to say I don't, but I do...I want to cry most days and feel sorry for myself but you know...I just can't...it is a simple lack of disciple and lack of obedience...because I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH...

So now what do I do...I keep on going the way I've been going? NO...it must stop...the Lord has spoken to my heart so much the last month...about the issue of sin...you know it is all level at the foot of the cross..so my sin of overeating is the same as murder...it is disobedience to the Father and He cannot and will not accept it...I used to teach abstinence in the public schools in our area...something that I'm very passionate about...and the Lord has reminded me of this sin compared to my own lately...to be pure before the Lord...means to abstain from things of this world...the lust of the eye...well...a girl may lust for a boy of he for her...and I lust for the food I do not need...things that are not healthy or beneficial...if I were to be approached by a young man or woman struggling with the sexual sin what advice would I give them...maybe I'd say don't be alone with the other person, make sure you are never in a compromising position, have accountability all around you...maybe possibly you may even need to walk away from that person...but then there is ME and MY sin...do I have accountability, do I walk away from food, do I make sure I'm not allowing myself to be in a position that my compromise this journey the Lord and I are on? I can have my self-righteous attitude all day but the Lord WILL remind me of my place in light of my attitude concerning others and in light of WHO HE IS!

I have started a new bible study called "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkurst. The Lord is using it a great deal to both convict my and to encourage me...to give me hope...when I was walking through the healing process of dealing with my anger the Lord gave me several scriptures but the first one He gave me means to much because I knew it was the beginning of my healing...I've needed a scripture for this issue as well..."EVERYTHING IS PERMISSIBLE-BUT NOT EVERYTHING IS BENEFICIAL" 1 Cor. 10:23...this by far will not be the only scripture He uses or gives me but this is the start...In Eph. 1:19 it says His glorious inheritance in the saints and His incomparably great power for us who believe...

I have, we have the power to lay down our sin that so easily entangles us and walk in freedom...but we must want and chose to walk in HIS INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER.

I don't know about you but this is my desire...

I've tried to be open about this struggle and it is hard to be...there are things that only the Lord and I will know about it...and there are things I know I need to share...above all I think the Lord would want us all to know that whatever our sin issue is...and we all have them...there is victory IF we want it...we simply cannot say I can never overcome it...that is a lie from the pit of hell...and satan takes great pleasure in us believing that and walking bound up in that. We are doing a studing with Pierced Student Ministries right now and the whole point is Matthew 22:37 Jesus said to him, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

Our lesson last night was on loving Him with all our hearts and how that can even be done...so the question we are faced with is what is more important to you than the Lord...your spouse, children, grandchildren...maybe it's your position in society...maybe it is your career...maybe is an ugly habit you have...and as hard as it is to say...we simply do not love God enough to walk away from it...or we simply do not love the Lord enough to trust Him to gets us through it...

The Lord is speaking....reminds me of the words we heard during our revival in May...Lord speak...I obey.

summers coming to an end...

Well it has been a wild a crazy summer around the Griffith household...we have had huge successes, new people come into our lives...said hello to some and good bye to others...God has been as He always is so faithful this summer! He's grace, mercy and riches never cease to amaze me...I've wanted to write on my blog for sometime now but I've not been able to adequately come up with the words in my heart...not sure today will be the day the words will come either but I'll give it a try....

Back in the late spring a read a book...not a fan and it was amazingly eye opening...we even followed the book up with doing a study with the students of Pierced Student Ministries..I didn't get to finish the study with them b/c of my trip to Florida to welcome grand baby #6 into the world...so I'm sad about that...however it has been on my mind all summer long...when the times get tough do I live my life as a sold out follower of Jesus Christ or am I must a fan of His? Power book if you haven't read it you should...we should live such different lives then we actually do....

I spent the entire month of June in Florida with Cassie, Jesse and the kids...when they moved 3 years ago I feared I wouldn't have a good relationship with the kids...and maybe they'd even wonder who grammy is but they know! I think it is the crazy grammy thing that helps them remember...enjoyed the HECK out of loving on that newborn baby girl and bonding with her her first month of life!

When I got home I had to hit the ground running hard and fast because we had a mission week just around the corner with the youth and since I'd been gone I was behind before I even started! While Scott was with me in FL, we came so so close to just canceling that week...and now we know why Satan was trying to get us to. It was an amazing week...many lives changed...for all eternity...we witnessed brokenness and then restoration...we witnessed young people just getting real and honest before the Lord and again...forever they will be changed because the God's greatness and their willingness to be broken...

The youth, Scott and myself had a 2 day break/rest then we had another week of VBS...which again, God blew us away...we had 52 TEENAGERS come thru our room that week...we witnessed 8 come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior...radical is all I can say...

Our family has also gone thru some very good changes this summer...with the addition of Miss Laney Kate...Born May 21, 2012...she is the 6th grandbaby for us...the 2nd girl! She is a sweet baby and we are ALL looking forward to holding in our arms again! We also have another addition to our family this summer and that would be Miss Bekah Crawford...she and Michael have been seeing each other for several months and she is family to us know...I think we all look forward to the coming months that will make this "official".

Donnie, Heather and the twins went to Canada on a mission trip this summer, Katie and Thomas went on one as well to Minnesota I believe with world changers...up until the the last month Scott has been very busy with work, however it has slowed down alot and we would ask that you pray that God would continue to bless in the work area!

I've seen amazing and been a part of some amazing things this summer...some are the kind that just make you set and say WOW...some are sad and hard to understand but all amazing...knowing that God is completely in control...

However, I do have one huge confession...I started a journey...in January and I said then I'd make it public for more than one reason...to bring honor to the Lord...to use it as an avenue so that I can have some accountability in my life and lastly so that thru my struggle, hopefully, someone else will be helped...I've failed this summer...I continue to fail...I don't have a reason or an excuse...please pray I still have so very far to go and I desire that my temple of the Holy Spirit be healthy... 

Everyday Heros...

Parents...when our kids where little (or may while your kids are little) don't you kind of love it when you know they are looking up at you, and you are absolutely the biggest hero in their sweet little eyes...oh, them memories...does a parent's heart some good...but I've found a new truth that I LOVE...

I have 4 amazing birth children...and a few that I didn't birth but love them like I did...and I'm older now...no comments please...you I'm finding that they have turned into MY heros...

My kids are not perfect by ANY means...let me count the ways....no I won't do that!...but they have each one proven themselves to be my heros as well...

I could tell some of the ways but they are private...we had the summer from H E double hockey sticks as one of them so loving called a time in our lives...we had breakups and breakouts...we had hard hard hard times...and really good and sweet times too...we've loved each other thru them and in them...we held each other accountable...and somewhere...somehow in the middle of all this stuff we call life...I looked one day and I realized I have some amazing adults around me...people I'm proud to call my own...but my friends too!

Some of them are proving that as we speak...being heros again to me...walking with integrity during a time the world would say...well never mind what the world would say...but Jesus Christ would say...keep your eyes fixed on Me the author and perfector of your faith...that makes them heros in this momma's eyes...

how about you...got any hero's in your life this side of heaven...I'd love to hear about them....

Scott

Not only is today Michael's birthday but it is Scotts as well. He is 50 years old today...and he is ALMOST as big a kid as he ever was! Can I just say this year doesn't look like I planned it to 20 years ago....we had him a surprise 30th birthday party and during that time we made a time capsule and said we would open it when he turned 50...the kids all wrote letters to him in it to say what they wanted to be when they grew up...and now here we are 20 years down the road...and you know...our kids have their own lives...CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT! The nerve!

Back then I had 4 under the age of 9 and I couldn't imagine days without them under our feet! But the day has come way to fast and they are all so busy...but you know...it's good...it's all good..they each one love the Lord...they are serving Him in many different ways...They have witnessed a consent steady of a man after the Lords heart in their daddy...he has always been just who he is...take him or leave him...he just loves Jesus...and he loves his family.

I dreamed about him last night...Cassie and I were driving (this is the dream by the way) and went past a parking lot where we were to meet Scott and we drove up...he didn't see us and he was singing "you're all I want...you're all I need...you're everything...you're everything...." and the tears were just streaming down his face...then he looked up and saw us...he just got up and started to the car...I turned to Cassie and said that is so your daddy...he just loves Jesus so much doesn't he...then I woke up...but you know...that is just Scott...he does love the Lord so much...

It has taken us, me a long time to understand that the closer he gets to the Lord the more he can love me and in the last year he has gone above and beyond to make me feel loved and cherished! We were so very young when we got married...too young I think...and we've both changed so much...Scott has matured (some anyways) and learned to not just ask Jesus in your heart but how to live daily with Him in your heart...to have a very personal relationship with the Lord...he has always loved us...his family I mean but he loves us different now...I can't put that into words but it is different...it feels...like a fresh walk by the riverbed...

I love him so much and we have been apart now for almost a month...I look forward to seeing him...I pray his day is blessed...

I love you...Beth

Michael Scott

Today my son is 26. He has grown from the baby boy I dreamed of into a man I'm so proud of! I've only been gone from him 2 birthdays his entire life and for that I'm thankful...I know many are gone from their loved ones every birthday.

We have witnessed HUGE chances in Michaels life this year! God continues to stretch him and grow him as he leads out in worship each Sunday morning. When he starts to share his heart I see so much of his daddy in him...makes me so happy because if he can love Jesus like his daddy loves Jesus he will be a mighty man of God!

He has excelled at his job this year...he has learned that it is a good thing to LIKE what you do even if you don't Make what you want to! He has shared many lessons with us the Lord has and is teaching him...

He lost someone so very special this year...she was his special somebody that is for sure! Since he was a little bitty baby until the end she loved him so much and he did her too...if you don't know her..she was Maw maw...she prayed everyday after she found out I was expecting that it would be a boy...and she had such a special place in her heart for just him...he paid respect to her at her funeral by singing for her...he had a very hard time...but at the end of the day he came to me and said...you know mom I know she is OK...and we will see her again...that is the legacy she left behind and I pray that will live on thur him and his future family too!

He also found someone this year and I have NEVER EVER seen him the way I see him now...he has it BAD and I LOVE it...I pray this next year is full of greatness and joy and happiness for him and for her! I pray that God will be the center of their everything and I pray he will continue to seek the Lord in all his decisions!

Some know our story and some don't...but I must say I've had such a hard time forgiving myself of my past with the kids...and I have worked hard to find forgiveness for myself and in their eyes...and for the first time...(not saying this is how MICHAEL felt...this is how I felt), for the first time I feel I can walk in forgiveness in his eyes this year...our relationship is...stronger...better...and I'm thankful to be him momma!

I love you Michael...
mom

Walking in Jacksonville and other lessons I'm learning

Well JD, my pastor should enjoy the HECK out of this post...I just want to share a few things I'm learning or atleast being reminded of...

1. I miss my husband when we are apart...makes me appreciate him so much more...and while I don't like time apart I think it is good for us to remember and appreciate each other just a little more than...well than I do...he is way better at that on a full time bases than I am...

2. We went to the Building 429 concert last night and had a blast with some sweet friends and was very entertained by the sweet moves of Ayden Parker Ball and Mr. Parker Rammage...but the sweetest thing about last night was watching a lady mentally challenged worshiping the Lord...She was in her wheelchair and she was praising the name of Jesus...they also spoke about sponsoring children in a 3rd world country so they might have food, shelter, an education and an opportunity to hear the Gospel...she also raised her hand for that as well...about a year and 1/2 ago...at a concert, they also started sharing about sponsorship...for the first time EVER I noticed how we as the crowd in general stop listening...it is apparent we stop...we talk, we move we are just plain rude...needless to say our youth group has sponsored a child for...that's right 1 1/2 years now...anyway...I thought last night...we all have so much...from our health to our free education to starbuck money...and the lady in the wheel chair...heard...and responded...such a sweet picture of love...

3. I love my grandsons but they make me tired because...yes...that's right lesson number 3...I'm getting OLD...

4. in the midst of the crazy life down here...the Lord is giving me quiet times and He is giving me words to right...as I work on some devotions for our teens back home...

5. and the last one...this is for you J.D Arnold...our pastor is...well let me just say it as kindly as I can...he is a city boy...and he is a little...again...how do I say this...scared of things in the country...not all things mind you but cows with rudders...field mice who like to live in his house...you know country life things...and he is teased beyond words about this...my husband and son being 2 of the biggest pests...and while he may not "like" everything about country life he takes it well...you know I think he can survive b/c he can do ALL things thru Christ who gives him strength! Well I tell you that b/c the Lord taught me a lesson today also about my fears of "city life". I was walking again today...and this WILL be the LAST Saturday I walk while in Jacksonville...every large dog in the city was walking today and I didn't like that...then I past a guy on the bench at a bus stop...and I thought...I can't believe I'm confessing this...I thought he was dead...and so I...walked a little way away and I called...you guessed it...I called 911...I was to afraid to touch him...but I SWEAR his eyes were rolled back in his head and I thought he looked...stiff...so I called...needless to say...he finally moved before they dispatched anyone to come to the crazy country lady in the middle of the city...as I passed him I got such a cold chill literally from the top of my head to the tips of my toes...so I didn't call until I was far away so I know he didn't hear the call...then after a LOOOOOONNNNG time and I calmed down a bit...(you know I tend to over react)...I almost got tickled because I thought there is NO difference between me being afraid of a guy sleeping at the bus stop than there is of JD being afraid of the cows...we are just outside our elements...

6. and finally...It's just simply a different way of life here!!!

Joy comes in the Morning...

Scott went home on Saturday...it was a hard goodbye...as always...we NEVER say goodbye to our Florida family that I don't think of my brother Steve and his sweet wife Patti who live on the other side of the world...and the goodbyes that they have to say...

The boys are still asking for Poppy but they are trying to understand that he had to go back to MO so he could work..

I've struggled a great deal since I've been here with my WW...and a few weeks ago, while still home, I had a weight gain and my leader said that night to us all...if we are honest we know why we have gained...and if I have to be honest I know why I've struggled...I'm choosing to not walk with discipline...I was praying yesterday and the Lord brought to my mind...yet again...Lori when it gets hard...I will be your strength...but YOU Lori must trust that strength...and YOU Lori must walk in the discipline of that strength...

So as I met with the Lord this morning...I was amazed once again at His goodness and His mercies...they are new every morning...

I have the honor of doing a Bible Study while I'm here...I'm still not sure if I'll join the group just yet or if I'll just do it alone but I am so looking forward to getting back to a study...I'm loving my morning time reading but I need the study as well...

I'm so enjoying the kids while I'm here...they are so full of energy..let me say that again...SO FULL OF ENERGY but they are amazing to this ole Grammy...and little Laney Kate is growing like a weed...yesterday she was 2 weeks old and she has surpassed her birth weight...she is now 9 lbs 1/2 oz and has grown 1 1/4 inches already!!! She is a good baby and for the most part very content....she is patient with her brothers because they will not walk thru the room without a hug, kiss or as Camden says I have to pet her...and she tolerates it very well...

I will be here another 3 1/2 weeks and I want to soak up as much as I can with them and be thankful for the time the Lord has allowed...I'm thankful for the lessons we've ALL learned since this whole Florida adventure started...what exactly are some of those lessons...well for me...

I've learned the Lord loves my kids way, way more than I every could
I've learned the Lord does NOT need my input on their lives...
I've learned to appreciate ALL of my family more
I've learned I can STILL be a grammy from miles away
I've learned there  are good people everywhere
I've learned that one person...like Mark Lay...(and others too!) is the reason God moves us...
and most of all I've learned to trust my Lord more and more everyday...to peel my fingers...one by one...off of things that I cannot change, fix, manipulate, cling to or selfishly keep for myself...

I can close my eyes and still see the moment Mark walked the aisle and there will always Mark's in our futures...are we ready???

So I walk up this morning to joy...joy in the morning...have a blessed joy-filled day my sweet friends!

Changes...

Changes...I have a dear sweet friend who told me several years ago...that is what we are becoming accustomed to...she said if she had learned anything...life is always going to be changing...well I have to admit...that is the same for us as well...

I guess if you think about it...life would be like the dead sea...stagnet and yuck...if change didn't come...so here we are in the middle of a few more changes...not bad mind you...the biggest change in our lives right now...a new family member by the name of Miss Laney Kate and she is AWESOME...all my grandbabies amaze me and as a new one comes each time they continue to amaze me...she is so alert and just listen to you when you talk to her...she even attemps to get out a sound or two when you talk...that makes me kind of scared because at the ripe old age of 1 week it is OBVIOUS that she has something to say...can you just imagine what she will be like at 2 or worse yet 22!!!!! She truly has smiled at us and knows what she is doing...they don't come often but when they do come she means them!

Another change...the rest of the grandkids are getting so grown up...their little personalites are so different...and I see their daddys in each of them...but I see their mommas in them too...so I can...for one little minute....close my eyes and see flickers of yester years in them...sweet...nothing like it!!!! Rylee and Caleb are getting so sure of themselves and know exactly what they want! They fight with each other but whatever you do...don't pick on one of them or the fight is on because the may fight with each other but they also take care of each other...Ayden is offically a first grader now and he is so grown up these days...he can explain just about anything to you and if you don't believe me...just ask him....Landy has changed so much...all cassie's boys loooooove to sing the song...God's not dead....but landy...he can belt out the entire song...he went to town with poppy and I the other day and let me just say we got quite the show!...oh then litte Camden...he is...passionate...yes that is the word I'm thinking of using...passionate...I can not wait to see how God channels that passion as an adult...and I believe He will...he is a funny little boy...he can cut his eyes at you and you have to laugh...there is no other way out...

Another change...Michael Scott...I have had more complements out of that guy in the past 6 weeks than I have in the past....well a long time...I'm so proud of him...and I'm so happy for him...he has met a sweet young lady...Miss Bekah Crawford....and we have absolutely fallen in love with her...all though I don't think we are the ONLY ones who have fallen for her...just sayin...Scott and I actually met Bekah (as did Michael) about 6 years ago when we went to Thailand for a mission trip...I remember thinking how much I liked her then and what great friends she and our Katie would be if they went to the same school...God has been teaching Michael a great deal in the last year and half...so with that said...between the Lord and Bekah there is a joy in his eyes this momma has NEVER seen before...this is a change I love to see...his birthday is coming up soon and you know I've only been away from him on his birthday one other time...and it was NOT a good day for him...mom and dad where both gone and in his defense...he was only 9 but it was a rough day...so I pray he has a great day this year...

Change continues...it will always continue...as I think back over the years of our lives...how boring it would have been had we not walked thru the changes...some fun, some so hard to bare it can still bring tears to my eyes but all necessary...all with the fingerprints of God all over them....He is the One who has made our family work..He is the One who guides our lives and He is the One who holds are today and our tomorrow...

So as more changes come...I can't wait to see what is next in our lives...Scott will be 50 this summer...so I guess I have to admit we are now...dare I say...middle aged...sorry just can't can say elderly yet...so yes...middle aged...what comes with these changes...dont' know...Scott still thinks he is 20...put we will walk this path together...

have an amazing day today and remember...watch and be ready for the changes...cause they are coming!!!!!! To God be the glory....

Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you...Joshua 3:5 are you ready????

...The Lord will fight for you...and you have only to be silent...Exodus 14:14

and finally...

...blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might...He changes times and seasons...He removes and sets up kings...He gives wisdom to the wise...and knowledge to those who have understanding...He reveals deep and hidden things...He knows what is in the darkness...and the light dwells with HIM...to you...O God of my fathers...I give thanks and praise...for You have given me wisdom and might...and have now made known to me what we asked of You...Daniel 2:20-23

I Love You Lord...there is none like YOU...

Florida with the Ball family...

Scott and I made it to Florida BEFORE Miss Laney Kate's arrival! (Whew) and we are enjoying being with Jesse, Cassie and the kiddos! Poppy and I have gotten to spend some quality time with the boys while momma and daddy were at the hospital with the baby and believe me...when you live so far away, you learn to appreciate all the time you get with them! They have grown so much and they change so fast...even when it has only been a couple of months in between visits there is such changes!

Ayden graduated kindergarten this week so we got to see his graduation, pizza party and his end of the year program and awards ceremony. He has learned to read this year and he has always been able to tell quite a story, but now he can write them as well! I can't tell you how many times a day he will be in the middle of something and just randomly come up....hug me and say...I love you Grammy....let me just say...words a Grammy loves to hear...he can be a little wild man but he has such a tender heart...much like his uncle Michael...I know God will do great things with a tender heart...and the wildness...in his future....I believe will be a passion that God to will use!

Landon seems like to me, has changed the most lately...he has a very sweet disposition and he will just look at you and giggle and wiggle from head to toe! He has been going to speech for about 3 or 4 weeks now and he loves to work on his "homework"...so he thinks he is such a big boy now...and he is...he is growing and very excited to start pre-K in the fall...not sure his momma is ready for yet another one to leave the nest but he thinks he is! (although he still doesn't like to get up early so we will see how that works out for him this fall!). I must say...he always has and he always will be able to look up at Grammy and he just melts my heart!

Then there's Mr. Camden who has a personality the size of Texas. He is so stinkin funny...he will push you to the very limit and then some but I wouldn't trade him for anything! He, thanks to poppy, now calls me consistently...CRAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZY Grammy...then he just laughs...that's what we call you, he will say....I just have to say....and I wonder why??????????? I think he may be the one of Cassie's that likes to snuggle the most...as long as it is his idea! I can't say enough that when I left Florida 3 years ago with him only being 1 week old...I was so afraid he'd never know me...but he does and he looks forward to Grammy and Poppy just like the others do as well...one time in all the time the kids have lived here was it had...and that was a time a few years ago, they came to MO for a mission trip and when they arrived we were waiting for them to get off the bus...and went straight to Camden and he didn't know us and he didn't want us for a little bit...but he warmed right up...and ironically that was the visit that we crossed the time "thresehold" and he remembered us always after that!

Oh, yes and there is ONE more now...Miss Laney Kate joined us on May 21st...and she is beautiful. She is a sweet baby and we are enjoying her...spoiling her and lovin on her...as I'm writing this, her and her momma just got up and she slept all night long last night...she has been a busy baby since her birth b/c she too attended her big brothers graduation and end of the year program and she has had lots of drs. appointments so far with a few next week too! Cassie just sits and stares at her...I know part of it is b/c she is a she, and part of it is b/c she is the last (we think!) and just b/c she is a good momma and it is her sweet baby...the boys love her...very much and at times are all up in her business a little to much but it is b/c they are crazy about her...she cuddles right down with her daddy and her poppy...but she has cuddled down for me some too!

It has been a great visit so far and I look forward to 4 more weeks with them! I know I talk about them moving and being so far from us a lot but this morning I'm overwhelmed with the Lord's goodness and as hard as this has been...it has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life...to finally see the visual picture that the Lord has tried to teach me over and over...to release my hand and trust my children to Him...the One who created them...the One who loves them....the One they belong too...have a blessed day...

Lord Speak...I Obey

Well today was day 4 of our revival services...God is truly speaking and it is amazing to be a part of this incredible week. We have seen 4 people ask Jesus Christ to be their Savior and one man surrender to the preaching ministry! Those are only the things we know...not the private things God is doing in the individual hearts...

Today Bro. R.E. spoke about Moses. He has the gift of painting such a real picture for us that the storys becomes even more real than they  already are! God started speaking to my heart last night...and tonight He spoke even more...I want to share before I can't put it into words...R.E. was saying that during the death angel night. God told the Hebrew children to get a lamb...one that is perfect...that has lived with their family...one they had loved and then on that night...take it to the door way...slight it's throat...put blood on the doorpost and the lentil then bring the lamb in...and cook the meat and eat it...with joy, preparing to go God when God spoke....God speak....Obey...he then said many scenarios...ranging from being lost and completing disobeying (then the result of the death angel entering the house) to total and complete obedience....the one scenario was...obeying...until you get to the...with joy part preparing to go when God speaks...he said these people don't have joy because they are worried and afraid of the unknown or what might be next....that is so totally me...and God broke my heart over that this evening...I'm so tired of letting my fears cripple me...

No more...tonight I desire to have joy...even in...no especially in the unknowns of my life and my future...I will take my hands off of my children...grandchildren and my husband...I will live in the victory of Christ...I will because through Him I can!

Lord speak...I obey....

Faith

Our revival started last night and the theme of the messages...faith...and Oh what a message we heard last night...We will be in Hebrews chapter 11 for the remainder of the revival.

2 things I learned last night, I probably knew but haven't thought about or even practiced in a while...Faith is substance...it is NOT a fairytale and it is NOT a theological concept...substance something, for those of us who have it, that is real and vibrant in our lives. The 2nd...maybe just maybe I haven't experienced the vibrant faith life I could because it just might cost me too much...that is the biggest word that is going thru my spirit this morning...

I have learned much about faith over the years of my life with the Lord. I can look back at times I have and we as a family have walked thru and know without a doubt that faith is what pulled us thru!

Michael sang "Hungry" last night...my prayer right now is that the Lord will teach me to hunger and thirst after Him...

I haven't shared much about my WW journey lately...because honestly...it is getting hard...so I don't want to talk about it but talk I must...to hold myself accountable and to hopefully help someone else who struggles with this issue also...WW in and of itself is not a hard plan to follow...but changing a life time of habits is SO hard...and in the past I've worked for a while and then I've stopped...this time it isn't for me or even about me...it is about the Lord...about being physically able to be His servant in whatever capacity that may be...I've lost almost 29 pounds (it was 30 but I gained a lb this week)...I think I lost sight of my purpose for a time...but now the purpose is back on...

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways

Waine

what a week...and how quickly we are reminded to love those near us and never take our time together lightly or for granted...we lost a sweet man this week. Waine Maze...he will be missed by so many...I have had the honor to know him for 4 short years...I wish I had known him much longer...he seemed to be a very kind man, reserved and gently...he welcomed my sweet daughter with open arms...you see Waine and I share two very important interests...our twin grandbabies...Rylee and Caleb...Waine is Donnie's father...I just feel I need to share the last time I saw him and the sweet memory of that night that I will remember forever and do my very best to help my grandbabies remember as well...Waine was having a rough day in the hospital on Sunday and I got a call from Heather late Sunday evening asking me to come pick up the kids because she and Donnie needed to stay for a while longer...we went to tell poppa maze by when I got there..the twins had colored him a picture each and they were hanging on the wall in front of him so that he could see them...Caleb asked him if he liked them and he told them that THEY make him happy...they...the twins...for a man that waited 63 years to be a poppa...I say rest well in the arms of Jesus...knowing those babies are being raised to love Jesus with all their hearts and I believe as you look down on them...they will continue to make you happy...you have left your mark on the world thru many different things...and thru your craft over the years...but no impact is bigger than the one you live behind in your sweet family...Donna, Donnie...Heather...Rylee and Caleb Maze...

a work in progress...

That is my life...really all our lives...isn't it...we are a work in progress...and I must say...some days are hard, hard, hard...and others are not to bad...but in the end it is still a process...life....

Today I find myself thinking just how blessed I am...I have a husband that loves me and makes me feel like there is no one else in the world for him...and he has loved me when it must have been some of the most difficult days of his life...I'm thankful for him and for the Lord that loves us both and was and is working this life we have together out for us and with us and thru us...

I'm thankful that I have 4 incredible kids...3 son in laws...and new special friend to our list and for my sweet Amy so far away from us...I'm thankful how our hearts are bound together...even when we have different personalities, likes and differences...even when we have to many miles between us...one of my kids has absolutly come to life the last few weeks and I feel blessed to see that...

I'm thankful for my sweet grandbabies...Scott tells me they are not babies anymore...but they are to me...each one of them...with their sweet personalities...and I cannot wait to meet our new little Laney Kate in just a month! They are one of the true joys of my life!

I'm thankful for my church family...I love you all so much...I'm excited to see just what God has in store for us in the coming months...I'm sad I'll miss several weeks with you...but I'm blessed to be a part of a church lots of miles away and will serve beside them for a time and know EBC my heart and my prayers will be with you...

I'm excited/nervous to go to my WW meeting tomorrow night...because I so want to be able to say...I hunger for the Lord more than anything else...and I'm not there yet...Lord take me there...teach me how to hunger and thirst after You...

I'm blessed that I have so many of you praying for me and encouraging me on this weightloss journey...I have an amazing student ministry behind me...cheering me on with each success and encouraging me with each failure...

Thank You Jesus for letting me be apart of their lives...all of them...and thank you for being my life...!

blah monday

I am in quite the funk today...I am up at least 4 pounds today from last week...so I'm a little on the discouraged side and I don't feel well today either so yuck...

But the Lord is continuing to speak to me about this issue and I'm learning each day to take it at just that one day at a time and so I will move forward...finding scriptures that give me hope and assurance that I can do ALL things thru Christ...even lose weight!

I only have 5 weeks left until I will be going to Jacksonville for the birth of our 6th grandbaby (granddaughter #2!!!!). I'm very excited but also thinking of all the things I need to get done before that week arrives...and I cannot procrastinate this time because our sweet Laney Kate just may decide to come early and if so Grammy will be leaving earlier than 5 weeks...

I got to spend the last weekend with Heather and Katie at a woman's retreat and a few others from Buffalo Creek Baptist Church...namely Melody Morris who I enjoyed so much! I was thankful for a chance to step away for the weekend and to spend some time with my girls...

Well..due to the fact that I really don't feel well..I'm wordless so I don't have anything else...please pray for the ability to lose this weight...

When you love someone...

Well we have been home now from Florida for a few days. We had an amazing visit with Cassie, Jesse and the boys while there! Every time we see them, we see changes in them all...this time I think Landy has finally grown...he is getting to be such a big boy! Ayden can read like nothing I've seen at that age before...and then Camden...I was so afraid when he was born I wouldn't have a connection with him because of the distance between us but he is grammy's snuggle buddy...especially if he is in trouble or had his feelings hurt! My sweet Cassie is doing well...growing daily with our Laney Kate...who I cannot hardly wait to meet! I can't wait to see her sweet face and see who she will look like or will she have her own look! If I've learned anything over the past 3 years with them living so far from us...is to not take them for granted...and by them I mean my family...not just the Ball family who we ALL miss sometimes so bad it is like a phyiscal hurt...but ALL my family...I never want to again, take for granted that at this time anyway, God has allowed Donnie and Heather and the twins to be right here with us...or that Michael is still here or Katie and Thomas are close...or that God allows me the gas money and a vehicle to go see Cassie and her family as often as I have been able too! He has taught me to appreciate EVERY day I have with each of them...cause when you love someone that is what you do...

As I write this, I find myself feeling guilty because my brother and his sweet wife are an ocean away from their kids and sweet grandbabies...a sacrifice they've been called to make...but I'm able to see the love they have for each other in each sweet post they make...from parents to kids, kids to parents...grandbaby pictures and videos...and sibling to sibling...and why...because they all love someone...and they too know the lesson...on a much, much granted scale than I, to never take each other for granted...

This post has been rolling around in my mind for several days because it is not just about family...it is about when you LEARN to love Someone...and that someone is Jesus Christ...He is the reason our sweet Cassie and Jesse moved...because they love Him and they choose to obey Him...it is why S and P are an ocean away and He is the reason I can have peace that surpasses all understanding...He is the reason our family stands today...He is the reason my kids are the people they are today...and with that said...we are all still a mighty work in progress...He is the reason...period...He IS THE REASON for this life...and as I learn this lesson of loving Him...I learn more and more to appreciate the gifts He has placed in my life and entrusted to me as well...

I will tell you there is nothing more sweet than setting in the back of a car listening to my grandbabies sing sweet songs about a Savior they are learning about...He's got the whole world in His hands...deep and wide...or Landy's rendition...wide and deep...but you know...someday Landy will understand just how wide and deep the Saviors love is for him...or them saying verses taught to them by people who love them and love Jesus...so I'll close this post with Rylee and Calebs new verse they've been telling grammy...

When you love someone....

...If one falls down, his friend can help him up...Ecclesiastes 4:10

to my family...all of you...some of you are blood and some of you are not...know this also....

I thank my God every time I remember you....Phillipians 1:3 and again in verse 7 it says...it is right from me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart!!!

I love you all so much...have a blessed day! 

Heather Michelle

Oh to my 2nd beautiful daughter happy, happy birthday!!!! I'm so proud of the woman you are! You have an amazing family and I love witnessing you pouring Jesus into the twins lives!

My wish for you...
that you walk the rest of your days with and for Jesus
that you love Donnie more and more every year that passes
that you laugh often and you cry when needed too!
that you know just how loved you are
that you ALWAYS remember that Jesus wept
that you pour the love of Jesus into your students you have come thru your classroom year after year
that you have joy and you have peace
that you don't ALWAYS have to raise one with a stubborn streak
that you love those twins like only a momma can!

You are an amazing woman, I love you so much and I'm proud to call you my daughter but honored even more to call you my friend...

I love you,
mom

Ladies Retreat...Oh how I've missed you!!!!

7 of us from EBC went to a ladies conference this past weekend! It was a very exciting time and I realized how much I have missed these opportunitites! I had the honor of getting to know the ladies in my church better and had such a sweet time with each one of them.

It seems the women's ministry at our church has been very much missed in the past several years and if I learned anything this weekend, it is that we need and we are ready to get busy about this ministry again!

I can still remember the first retreat I went on and it RADICALLY changed my life and the way our home would look forever! I pray that same transformation in the lives of my sweet girlfriends! The Lord desires such an intimate relationship with us and once we gain that truth and walk in it...our lives cannot look the same and do you know why...because we have met with the Lord!

Oh the lessons kids will teach us....

This weekend has been a bit crazy! We took our students to the Rock and Worship Roadshow in Tulsa...it was amazing! The longest concert we've ever witnessed! 4 hours long....needless to say...with a late night and just a bit of some van troubles we didn't get home until about 3 a.m....then I wanted to spend the day alone...trying on some clothes just to see if I can really wear a smaller size...and yep I can! Not sharing just yet but smaller so I was excited...think I'll wait a little longer before I start the purchases though!

Saturday night our twin grandkiddos spent the night with us while their momma and daddy had a much needed date! We had as much fun as two...old and VERY tired poppy and grammy's could have with them...they helped me cook dinner...watched a movie with poppy and ate popsicles!

Sunday morning...OH my...I forgot what it was like to get two little ones ready for church by myself...(was a little late)...anyway...the lesson I learned...the kids were in the tub playing while I fixed my hair...and Caleb thru water in Rylee's face...Rylee HATES water in her face...so she was crying and I said be sweet to each other and don't do that anymore...and then...I hear her sweet little voice....say ever so...Rylee...."how you like THAT!!!!!" yep you guessed it...she got even...I got tickled and then I thought...oh that is so us...isn't it...don't we want to say...there how do YOU like that...we so want people to feel the pain and or fear they've caused us...to hurt the way we hurt...after all it's only fair right?

But God doesn't desire that from us....Exodus 14:14 says..."the Lord will fight for you...you need only to be still"...

If only we could learn this...or learn to trust this truth...He so desires to be our biggest hero...and yet we think we can defend ourselves or our loved ones better ourselves...

Oh Lord my I be found...being still and KNOWING you are God...

Thankful....

I have so many things to be thankful in my life...things and people that I take for granted on a daily basis!

I just want to say thank you for a few...
Cassie-my oldest...and my friend...a picture of sacrifical living...
Heather-my next...my unexpected gift...and also my friend...something that means very much to this momma and that girl!...a woman who loves Jesus...and loves to pour that into her babies...
Michael...although he is rough around the edges at times...he too I can call my friend....and with that "man" gene...my protector...a man I am witnessing first hand who is learning to love Jesus more and more!
Katie...my baby...who was loved Jesus longer that I have!...she is my hero...
My mom...who loves me even when I'm so unloveable...guess that is what us mommas are there for!!!
Tucker...who has been there for so many years now...I'd be lost without him...
Kevin...as children I thought we'd hate each other for life...we both would say that is so far from the truth now...the big brother I had all along and never appreciated it!
Steve and Patti...I'm so thankful for you, your sweet girls and their extended families...and the picture of sacrifice you paint for us...
Karen...I love you so much...wish I told you that more often
Betty Jo...my sister who I love so much...always been there for me...always...hope you know I'll be there for you too!!!
my neices and  nephews: Megan, Samantha, Cory, Amy, Chris, Hannah, Molly, Michal, Bethany, Mendi, Nikki, Kayla, Kyle, Ethan, Kendra, Garrett, Megan G., Kolby, Reagan, Tyler, Colten, Isaac, Chance, Blaine, Adyson and Sydnie...for that just right amount of spice you each add to the flavor of our family...
Scott's family...who again have loved me like their own...and I know I belong there now and forever...
Ayden Parker...my sweet oldest grandson who amazes me with his outlook on life...he has the most amazing stories!
Landon Ryan...my sweet little boy...my tiny one who is so sweet...he can melt this grammy's heart!
Camden Isaiah...my baby grand baby...for a little while longer anyways...the one I was afraid I'd never know really...never have "that" relationship with...the one I DO have it with...
Rylee Belle...our girl all by herself for a few more months until the princess jr joins us in Florida...she can smile and say grammy and it is like butter....
Caleb Michael...such a sweet boy...who loves to tell me...grammy, Jesus died on the cross and he is in our hearts...nothing better in life than hearing that from a baby's mouth!
my Dad...so thankful we realized we need each other in our lives...
Scott...my rock, my love...by best friend...my partner in this thing we call life...
Jesus...my Savior...who gave me each of the gifts above...

Why all this tonight....I've witnessed 3 lives changed this week for the kingdom...they will NEVER be the same again...Why God allows us to be a part of this and witness I'll never understand but I'm humbled by it and so very, very....thankful...

disappointed...

Well I gained this week and I'm very disappointed but not surprised...I bombed last week...I think in my sub-consensus...I sabatoged myself...that is my habit after all...however...this time I will win because I'm working on this for the Lord, with the Lord and will beat it through the Lord...the battle is His...I just need to remember to die to self...surrender to Him...I'll keep you posted...thanks for letting me share...helps to hold me accountable...

Here's to 30 years!

Well, I'm setting at my computer with just 2 more hours before my 30th wedding anniversary begins! Scott and I had a date last night and today spent the day with 11 of our students at a conference...as we drove to Springfield today for the conference my mind has reminiscing over our life together. I told him this morning that the day before our anniversary never, ever passes that I don't remember how ugly I was to him at our rehearsal and think...every year...buddy that was your chance...that SHOULD have opened your eyes to the life you had in front of you! But I must confess, I'm so thankful he stuck it out with me!

My memories today really started with the birth of each of our children....we were so young when Cassie and Heather were both born...with Cassie, Scott was much more relaxed with her than I was...he has been around lots of kids in his family while, I on the other hand, had not...we stayed with my mom for 2 weeks..and then we went home and I cried the entire way home thinking...well...she's dead...I'll kill her...she'll choke and that will be that...I'll panic...my mom won't be there and I'll have no baby!!! (29 years later she is still alive and kicking!) Then very quickly came Heather...I wanted to name her Courtney and Scott said no...fine then..Heather Michelle but I'm NOT calling her Heather...so he called her Michelle all day long after she was born and well...I had changed my mind...pre-cell phone time...so he didn't know...he like to have never broken himself of calling her Michelle...maybe just maybe that is how she got the nickname "Sis"...we had a 2 year break and we had Michael...a few months before he was born...I dreamed it was a boy and the first thing out of my mouth was...now I don't have to have anymore! True story...the minute he was born and we saw that it indeed was a boy...the first thing out of my mouth was...you guessed it...NOW I don't have to have anymore...and we were done...complete family and working on the younger years...Cassie the little mommy Jr., Heather the quiet one that you might want to keep and eye on and Michael...the BOY...Scott worked so hard during these years to provide and I worked so hard at spending every dime he made...oh how I wish I could have a redo...and yet he loved me thru those years...then we thought maybe we did need one more...or I thought he wanted one...he thought I did...when we realized we were neither real sure we did...you guessed it again...TO LATE...and along came Katie...now she is unique in the fact that she is the first child we had at the hospital all by ourselves...that is a cherished time I hold in my heart...and not to be gross but we started her together and we completed it together...and now our family was complete...we would in future years have others come in and out of our lives...but these 4 are the ones God gave us to nurture...it was a good life with lots and lots of hurdles to get over...most hurdles we have gotten over I built and put up myself...but because Scott loves the Lord way more than he does me...we survived! He has been such a witness to the "Truth" of love...gently leading and sometimes dragging me kicking and screaming to the true source of Love...Jesus Christ...I have witnessed up close and personal this man fall more and more in love with Jesus...and I'll always believe because of that he has fallen more and more in love with me...God has been good to us both and healed me and Scott from the inside out...

So with many memories...such as...
-at the alter...talking while we were kneeling for the prayer...
-our first 2 weeks of married live...most of them in the hospital...
-when I has frowning...which back then was ALOT...tickle, tickle under chin...if you love me, you will grin...
-the way he calls me Beth
-the way he holds my hand during the worship service
-the way he has loved our children like a father should
-the way he loved me when everyone would have understood if he'd said no more!
-the way he works so hard even now for me
-the way he loves others
-the way he finds joy and laughter in everything!
-the way he asked me to knock the wind off of him!
-the way he looked at me when we renewed our vows at year 20
-the way he looked at me tonight just before he blessed our dinner!

I love you Scott Griffith...to another 30 years!

losing

Well tomorrow will start week 3 on WW for me....I've lost a total of 9.8 lbs so far and for that I'm so thankful! This is an easy program to follow and yet one of the hardest things I've had to do because it is taking so much prayer and determination to make better and healthier choices. I must admit it still scares the daylight out of me because I FINALLY understand this is a lifestyle change that must take place and then STAY in place for the rest of my life...

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

1 Cor. 10:31

I CAN do all things (even lose weight) through Him who gives me strength...

Phillippians 4:13

Rylee and Caleb are 3!!!

Happy Birthday to our sweet twins!!! I can not believe you guys are 3 years old! Your personalities have really blossomed this year! You are both so funny! Caleb is definately the tenderhearted of the 2! And Rylee is the Princess and if you forget she WILL tell you that she is!

You both are such a blessing to poppy and grammy's lives...and know that now that we understand what it is like to have grandbabies living so far away...we will never take for granted the precious gift each of you are to us!!!! We love you both so much and pray that God, Dad and Momma will grow you into adults who will hunger and thirst after Jesus...running your entire lives hard and fast after him!!!!

Love you both,
Grammy

Cassie

Well another year has gone by and it is my sweet Cassie's birthday...we've all had days that are the hard ones for each of us with her moved so far away...but for this momma I'd say it is always her birthday for me...I love to have a girls day out and take my girls to lunch to the resturant of their choosing...and just enjoy each other...I miss that with her so much...I will confess today could be a very weepy day...but this morning...as the tears well up inside God...brought to my minds eye faces....of sweet people there in JAX who love her so much...I'd venture to say...some of them love her almost as much as her family does! I'd name you all but I'd leave someone out and hurt someones feelings...but those faces range from very young to some of the sweet older people in her church God has called her and Jesse to serve in.

I'd say this past Christmas has been our best yet...just appreciating our time together...laughing and sometimes crying together...encouraging each other and spurring one anther on with the Lord's Words! What a blessing that is in our lives!

She had grown into an amazing wife and mother...she loves those boys (all 4 of them) with every ounce of her being...I love seeing that! And now as May approaches we have another little one to look forward too! God really only knows...but at this point, her last little one she plans to have and we are all so excited...ready for another HEALTHY baby to love and to spoil...and we will confess excited for yet another girl in the family too! I keep a baby girl right now and those 2 little boys looooooooooooved her so I'm excited to see how they do with the new little one...

I've also witnessed growth in Cassie as her heart expands more and more for the teens God places in her and Jesses lives...she truly loves them and cares about their future with the Lord...

I love you so much sweet girl...I say it every year...but I can still close my eyes and see our first morning together....just you and me...sorry I failed you and your siblings so much over the years but so grateful that you got to witness God's grace in my life first hand...b/c know each of you can say...and testify...that you KNOW HE is real and you KNOW HE heals...

Have a fantastic day...know we are thinking of you today and missing you like crazy but looking forward to the time we see each other again!

I love you,
mom and friend!

day 2

Well, day two is almost over and I've survived so far! I asked Scott if he thought my hiny was smalled yet and the SMART husband he is said...sweetie in the light I can hardly see it!

In all seriousness...I probably will not write everyday but just wanted everyone to know I'm still alive...still excited and still determined to bet this monster with the Lord's help...

I've heard from so many of you and just want to say thank you for the prayers and the words of encouragement...it means more than you will ever know! (according to my scales I've already lost but no totals til offical weigh in on Tuesday!)

January 4, 2012 a new beginning

I believe my blog may be my diary now as I start out on a new adventure. In part because I hope to be an encouragment but more than that it will be another way to hold myself accountable...knowing that my friends and family are reading this.

I shared last year in my blog that I had a struggle that God had be dealing with me about for a long time and that when I found victory thru Him I'd share that struggle with you. It has been almost an entire year and no victory. I didn't want to share the struggle because of many reasons, fear, pride, ridicule and a feeling of worthlessness due to my failure. I have failed and for me (not everyone...me...because the Lord has convicted me) it is because of lack of obedience and self control. I think self control has always been an issue with me...I mean really...isn't that the root of my anger issue even? So here I am again...only this time it is different because I will be vulnerable and open up about the struggle....I eat to much...I'm over weight...and if and when the Lord calls me to do something for Him...I can't because I'm unhealthy...so we (the Lord and I) begin...again...

I decided a month ago I would join weight watchers in January. Yesterday, I was so nervous all day...by the time I got in the car to leave I truly thought I might get sick...(those of you who know me best will understand my mentality on this!). Anyway, I went to my first meeting and I'm so encouraged. This program will teach me how to eat more healthy. I believe this is something the Lord has directed me in...as a matter of a fact I'd like to share one thing HE told me yesterday....I was getting ready for the meeting and saying to myself I'm so scared...(why you ask...of failing again...this time in front of many people)...and this very scripture is on my bathroom wall...and yet I could almost hear HIS voice speaking it PERSONALLY over me....Do not fear, Lori, I am with you; do not be dismayed (or to me yesterday discouraged), for I am YOUR God. I will STRENGTHEN and HELP you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand...Isaiah 41:10. He is so good to me! To us...don't you think!!!!

So today is day one and I've had breakfast...and believe it or not it was so much food I didn't quite get it all down. I will post updates quite often...so you can hold me accountable!

let the adventure begin...

Happy Birthday Ayden Parker Ball

Dear Ayden,

I cannot believe you are 6 years old! You are such a joy to have in our lives. I couldn't ask for a better "the oldest" grandson!!! Each one of you have a special place in Grammy's heart and your place is being the first grandson I ever had!!!! You are so smart and so brave! It takes lots and lots of courage to be a little boy who loves Jesus so much to go some place to tell others about HIM!

You are big now and are reading (although, you NEVER did read to me and poppy so next visit you have to read to us!!!!)

Ayden, Grammy and Poppy love you so much and pray that as you grow up you love your family, love your friends and love Jesus more than anything else! I will be thinking about you ALL DAY LONG TODAY...and I will call you today also! You have a great day!

Love,
Grammy